tashsih Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I NEED some advice on this ultimadum letter i left this morning for him...I usually would use this option but i feel like im at my wits end you might'a seen my thread about moveing seperate but even though that seems to be over - we're moveing together but w/ more space for a music/art room - he keeps makeing these break up jokes! it was ok and a lil funny @ 1st but got old quick but everytime i ask for him to stop he comes back with another "joke" that he "just saying this to make you mad enough to leave me hahaha "or that im too sensitive and hes sick of me "makeing everything depressing or a bad thing- cant yu take a joke" ive told him since hes been actin gweird that its too early to joke efverysingle day but everyday when i walk in the door he does it again! i worte him that i think it was funny to a point then turned disrepectful that he should honor that i m uncopmfortable w/ it and if it happens again its over. I tried to be upbeat and focus on our new plans that we have in our lives (personal and together) and said pls lets just change the subject
Teddy and Jane Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I think you handled that very well. Please stick to your word. If he continues with the insensitive 'jokes' then I would leave him. That is just hateful and disrespectful. It seems he's just doing it because he knows it hurts you. Who needs a person like that in their lives, who just wants to make you feel badly?
Author tashsih Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 thaks its good to see someone agrees w/ me im about to go home and im hopeing the letter isnt an issue if its not hell either appologise or we'll just plan our night and move on like i asked but its weird he never acted like this before ... but looking bcak i alow him to act say get sex bjs anything he wants - its time to keep myself alert not bossy and **** but protect myself! thanks
Author tashsih Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 ANY ADVICE? please help! We have such a good bond. We geniunely love each other and that is so obvious. We can have incredible talks about life, nature, politics, soceity, art, music, and beyond. We feel so ****ing good when we hold one another at night. We have so much in common and have special inside jokes with one another. We until recently have treated each other with a great amount of respect. We've taught each other SO much and we've grown -together- as strong overall good people. Right now he's so stressed out with money, lack of music equiptment, and his music career- that he can't even think straight. Thats a real thing. Thats whats really at the core. I get that. I know it's hard. I know that haveing a newly single big brother is hard too. I know that when you need space but your girl -although you love her - is there 3 ft from you sometimes you just wanna scream for space. I understand that too! I m a pretty openminded girl. Im also haveing my own struggles and I also hate living somewhere and feeling like Im different enough that I shouldnt be here in this **** town . I know what its like to be depressed but with a mask on.I know what that is REAL. I know it weighs heavy on him. I know! I also know that Im strong. I'm willing to give up the space I Want for the Need for space he has. That's been kinda hard in the apartment we're in now, and thelack of money to give room is almost none! BUT I also know that if he keeps pushing me away that I'll go. I don't know why he wants to push me away. He obviously knows that he is. It's pretty obvious that Im fed up with the breakup jokes but they continue-WHY? He's clever. He stays just on the outer rim of my tolerance so I don't just walk out over the jokes! Does he just want to just give up on everthing b/c of fear? Is it fear? Is it any other legitament reason? All this stuff is so hard. I know its a real love. I know that we are in love. I belive it's just a rough patch for him Personally not between us. It's hard to know when to just give up on him when he clearly can't even clear his mind long enough to decide on Anything. I wish I could just clear the fog away and show him it's hard,but it's all ok! I wish I could show him that we have a future, that I'm not what he wants to loose its the other parts of this life he wants to change! You dont need to throw out erything to start over! I sometimes think that it's that he wants to just craw in a hole and give up on everything b/c hes so confused. I wish he'd seek some counceling but that wont happen! Should I just keep trying? stop worrying or should I just
Teddy and Jane Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The next time he makes a "breakup" joke,you could confront him with a serious talk. I would say " You keep joking about breaking up. Are you trying to tell me that is what you want? Because we are moving into this house together, maybe we should just stop that process and each get our own place. Please tell me if you are serious about breaking up because if you are, we need to get it out in the open now so I can make plans to get my own place and move on with my life without you in it." It looks like to get him to stop joking, he needs to have it in his face. If he says he wants to break up, then you have your answer. If he wants to stay with you because he loves you, you have your answer there. But if he wants to stay with you, it has to be conditional that he respect your feelings by stopping the cruel jokes. Do you tend to pay most of the bills? I am wondering if maybe he is just staying with you to mooch off you monetarily. But maybe that is not the case.
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