Tangerina Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Kind of a rant for blowing off steam, kind of a question... I'm especially interested in getting a guy's perspective because obviously I already have a female perspective. PS Sorry this is so long, if you knew me in real life you'd know I'm a total chatterbox/explainer/over analyzer/did I mention chatterbox? So you might have seen my other post where I was agonizing over the fact that I feel nervous deep down inside because my boyfriend and I are graduating at the end of December and I'm going away for 11 weeks on a big study abroad trip from Sept-Dec and he may be going into Peace Corps next March. Long story short sometimes this makes me feel nervous about getting close to him when he might be leaving the country for 2 years, which would be a deal breaker for both of us I think. Also, I don't think that me going away for 2.5 months would be a deal breaker, but we haven't talked about it so I don't know how he feels about that. I am obviously still figuring out a way to deal with this emotionally and move on with the relationship or I wouldn't still be writing on here about it, but for the most part I feel a lot better about just going with the flow and enjoying the relationship now that I've processed my emotions a bit. Here is my (minor but annoying) problem. We chat about my study abroad plans (which will definitely happen) a lot and talk about his Peace Corps joining (which is just a maybe at this point, he's applying to keep the option open but doesn't know if he wants to do it) a lot but we both almost painfully obviously avoid any hint of mentioning that those things might affect our relationship. This was how it was before we admitted to each other that we had fallen in love, you could tell we were both totally thinking it and feeling it but neither would say it first until I finally did and then he was like "I totally feel the same way, I've been waiting for you to say it." He's a pretty awesome guy because he really likes to talk about things and we communicate well about most things, but I think we both have the issue of being afraid of seeming too into the other person and messing it up so we're shy about big declarations like that. It is starting to bug me that we talk about it so much without actually talking about it. We talk about what a great summer we are gonna have together, which is mostly him talking about fun things he wants to do with me, but after that we just talk about our own lives and avoid mentioning the other person in it. It is too soon to really make any declarations or plans for the time I'm away, I mean it is totally possible that we won't even still be together then, but given the fact that we like each other a lot now and will probably feel the same way then, I wish we could at least acknowledge that I'm going away for 11 weeks and that it means something to the relationship. So I guess my question is can I just bring it up next time we are talking about my plans and be like "hey you, how do you feel about me going away to Greece for 11 weeks?" or is this the sort of thing that would make him feel like I'm trying to trap him into something or whatever? Do I need to wait until it is really soon before I leave, or can I just acknowledge at this point that it is happening? I'm directing this question towards the guys cuz I'm getting better at communicating with guys but in the past I've had times when I thought I was being all good at communicating and it was just perceived as being clingy. Granted my 2 exes were emotionally weird and controlling and this guy is not, but I have to admit I'm a little gun shy about sharing insecurities/emotions at the fear of being misinterpreted and picked on. I just want us to stop going out of our way to avoid mentioning something big happening in the near future when it's obvious that we both want to.
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