Relationship slowly deteriorating over a past wrong that he can't get over.

[Austerity]

CONDENSED VERSION:

I was going to have sex with this guy and told my male friend about it, he freaks out the next day when the guy I'm going to sleep with is scheduled to show up and admits to liking me. I had liked him on and off for about half a year. I end up sleeping with this guy because he's at my place for a week and I had wanted to. AFter he leaves, I work into a relationship with the friend, and we're very happy except for he can't get over the fact that I slept with this other guy before he and I even went out. It's slowly poisoning our relationship because he's often very sad about it and can't get over it. It happened 5 months ago.

 

Let's see, where to start... (Long read, please do so though, and help me.) And yes, I realize the internet is bad place for serious relationship advice, but I'm at a loss. ;x

 

At the beginning of last summer, I became good friends with this guy on my WoW server; he was part of the social group I was in. He was one of my favorite people to talk to and admitedly, I often felt I had a crush on him, but not wanting to jeopardize our friendship, currently having a boyfriend, and being too shy to pursue him in anyway, I just worked on convincing myself that I didn't like him, and it'd be silly to try because it wouldn't work out. So I liked him on and off sporadically throughout this year.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend (of 6 years) in November, much to my relief at finally being out of that relationship. I was kind of upset the night of, however, since he said some not-so-nice things to me, so I called this guy, Kevin, and talked to him about it. Kevin had been a friend that I've known for just about as long as Guy #1 (Henceforth known as Evan). Things sort of happened, and we agreed to meet up to just have sex, which is fine because I didn't want a relationship, especially not a long distance one again; I did, however, want sex. Sue me.

 

Mid-december rolls around and Kevin is due to show up in the evening, but due to flight troubles he'd be showing up the next morning. I decided to voice my stress and worries about him getting here alright to Evan, my good friend, who's never given me any indication that he liked me, really. He seemed perfectly fine with it.

 

The next morning before going to get Kevin, I check my e-mail. There's a very long e-mail from Evan saying that he's cutting himself off from the social group and me in particular because I bring him too much stress with my problems (I did come to him for advice/help with my relationship with old boyfriend alot, but currently, I had not been stressing to him about anything in particular I don't believe). He also said in the e-mail that it's not like he liked me or anything. He said he'd be blocking me on AIM, removing me from various groups and what not, along with the rest of our social group.

 

So, I'm like, well ****, I can't have this happen, I really really care about this guy as a friend first and foremost, and I've always kind of liked him. I proceed to stress and cry and tell our mutual friend about it. He's like, "uh duh, it looks like he likes you." And I have trouble believing this, especially after half a year of telling myself there's no way he'd like me, and no way we'd work out. But, I e-mail him back, beg him not to disappear and tell him that I've had a crush on him for awhile. I think I even said that I "like like" him, gradeschool much? He e-mails me back later that day and says that that he, and my memory is kind of fuzzy on this, but I think he said that he liked me too, to some degree.

 

So at this point, I have a guy at my house who's sole purpose here is a hook up, he flew from the other side of the country to this side. I also have a guy, who I'ved had a thing for on and off for awhile, who's freaked out over the situation, and admits that he likes me. Now, what am I supposed to do? Ideally, for Evan, I should have not had sex with this guy. But, I did. I thought about not doing it, but I guess hormones won. Should I not have had sex with this guy because this other one admitted to liking me? Ideally, I guess not. Evan liking me didn't make me NOT want to have sex with this other guy, and even though I admitted to Evan that I liked him, I spent the last half a year telling myself he wouldn't like me and we wouldn't work out and basically just thinking of ever negative aspect of myself as to why he wouldn't like me.

 

So the week that Kevin was over goes by, and he leaves, much to my happiness. Things resume to some sense of normalcy, I start talking to Evan again just like before, kind of akwardly at first I guess. December goes by and by Janurary I guess you could say we were an item Much to my happiness. We plan to meet in February, around the 17th I believe, I was stoked. But alas, Evan frequently got into these moods, dubbed him being emo, where he'd shut down, not want to talk to me, completely and totally unable to be cheered if I do finally badger him into letting me call him. And like, not sure how long they usually last, these moods, but he seems to snap out of them rather quickly, I'll ask how he is, and he's like "I'm feeling better now." Or whatever. He's said that he's always brooding about it though, especially when not talking to me. Usually he's happy when talking to me or when he's with me in person, but if hes been brooding and THEN I show up, the mood will still be there I guess, and he shuts down again. Basically, he started liking me early-mid fall semester, and then he saw Kevin flirting with me and proceeded to worry and worry that we'd get together or something, and then his months long fear was justified.

 

These moods used to make me really upset and hysterical; I was terrified he'd leave me. After awhile, more recently, I just feel cold and empty and can barely find it in myself to try and make him happy, it's so hard to try and make him happy when I know he's thinking things that are not too kindly about me, i.e. I'm a whore. "Why couldn't you have just kept your legs closed." He said that once : Everytime we make a whore joke or something, in the back of my mind I can't help but feel uncomfortable that he's thinking something ill of me.

 

I don't know what to do, I feel like he's slowly poisoning our relationship because he can't let go of the past. Hell, I wasn't even dating him when it happened. >_< I know it's my fault that I gave him something to brood over though; but why can't he just move past it? I mean, I love him, he knows that... and he loves me. We make eachother so happy and we get along so well and he makes me feel alive and wonderful. But I'm afraid, and he admitted to the same fear, that if this goes on we're going to get to the point where one of us is going to get fed up and leave the other. Him with being tired of feeling bad, and me with being tired of made to feel bad everytime he is. He's going to be living with me this summer. I feel like if he's not over it by the end of summer we're done for, and I'm terrified of that thought, I want so much for us to work out, and there's no reason we shouldn't be able to. We just need help to get through his sadness at what transpired, but how? Just waiting it out doesn't seem to be working, and like, his dad has a therapist he's talked to in the past, but he feels too close and I dunno, familyish to talk to the therapis. His dad has issues with anxiety and depression I think, Brandon too, if I recall, although to a lesser degree, but I'm not entirely sure since I feel nosey asking and stuff =x. And I wonder if that's something like, making it harder of him to get over it. I feel mean to be like, "get over it." or whatever, but he needs to, no matter how much it sucked for him.

 

So like, this has been forever long, thanks to whoever has read this far, what advice do you guys have to offer? He has yet to talk to any friends or anyone about this issue, I think he needs to and keep asking him to, but it is hard for him to open up I guess. What should *I* do? Should I have not slept with that other guy? I've stopped talking to him entirely, I try my hardest to make Evan happy. I'm afraid I ruined our relationship before I even thought it'd start. Any thoughts, discussions, help would be appreciated, thank you. >_<