roganrabbit Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 This is a strange one. I was going out with my gf for 2 years and living in London with her for most of that. I'm 32, she's 29. For quite a while, we had been distant from each other - very little communication, she going out with her friends and I with mine, very little action under the sheets, etc. At the start, we really were in love - great stuff in the bedroom, talk of marriage & kids, etc. But she had just come from another relationship (it was a long-distance thing that didn't work out). Anyway, about 2 weeks ago, I told her that we should have a chat about our relationship. We'd tried this before, agreed on many things, but then never really acted to improve our lot. Instead, she replied that she 'wanted a break'. I was crestfallen. She said that there was no-one else, but she just needed 'space and time'...the usual. She'd recently told me that she'd like to go travelling alone, so I guess I should have seen this coming. I moved out, thinking that it would be a temporary thing but also thinking that possibly a break-up is for the best. I've been using the NC for quite a while, but if she emails I reply politely and busily. If she calls, I'm busy doing other stuff and have time for only the barest pleasantries. I do not talk about the relationship with her at all. So, it's kind of up in the air. I get the impression that she's enjoying the break, but the funny thing is, so am I. In our relationship, I often questioned if she was the right one for me - I felt we had little in common, and time spent alone was often full of 'uncomfortable silences'. I've been working out, playing sports, keeping busy with friends, getting settled into my new place, working hard, and taking up interests I had dropped or lost interest in during the relationship. And I have to say...I feel like a child again! (in a good way) The only problem is, if I'm in her area, I always look around to see if I'll bump into her. And if she emails or calls, she's still in my thoughts. But I'm of the opinion more and more that I'm no longer in love with her, and probably wasn't for the last year of the relationship. And I'm really rediscovering myself since the break. I don't know, if I feel like this should I arrange to meet her and break up definitively? Or is it best to just leave it as is - on the 'break' instigated by her? I understand that my situation is a lot better than many others on here, but any advice or just chat from people with similar experiences would be a great help!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 If you feel finally free, pull the trigger on the relationship. If it's not working and she wants space and time to see and do other things, than it's not okay to walk around with the assumption of still being together. Have you asked her about dating other people? Has she responded happily about it? what was her moods? I mean if you guys are split up and have no hope of reconciliation then it is time to move on. It's time to move on. You sound happy you should find some female to compliment that happiness and she's happy as well.
Davis Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 What's to discuss or finalize? Seems like you're doing ok and you see she's probably not the right one for you. I would go total NC; not reply to her emails or calls and just move on. I don't think you owe her an explanation and it doesn't sound like she's coming back or that you really want her back. She was the one that wanted a "break", which to me that's her weak way of telling you she wants to break up or wants you to wait around so she can make up her mind or in case she can't find anything better. Go find a hot one that will make you all excited about life again!!
Lizzie60 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Just leave it as it is for now... sometimes after a break-up (or even a divorce) we become best friends...that happens a lot... there is no more love but a great friendship and it's all good. I understand what you're both going through..and it's OK... just wait and see what this will lead both of you...don't talk about your past relationship anymore, just go with the flow. Good luck!
Author roganrabbit Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Davis, have to agree with what you've said. I really don't see us remaining friends after this break-up - we didn't have a lot in common and there were real communication issues. I felt that a lot of other people knew me better than she did, to be honest. I've gone NC, been working out a lot, lost a bit of weight in the post-breakup process, and really don't miss her at all. It's very strange - in a way I'm glad that she finished it, but I'm also fairly sure that we don't have enough in common anymore, and the communication issues to deep to resolve, that there's little chance of us being friends anymore. I'm gonna play the field!
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