Gunny376 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Suicide? Yea I thought about it! Its crossed my mind. Four years in Japan ~ the Sammari tradition, etc. Hard Corps, MARINE CORPS! Then in a very brief conversation ~ very brief ~ I heard my daughter tell my grandson ~ just in passing "I need you, and you need me!" Hey! We all need each other!
Zona76 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Just a thought Gunny, Do you think that these feelings of suicide were a possible thought brought on by your military service? My ex husband of 30 years was a lifer with the Army. He was always depressed. Many other military career men I have met have also had these feelings and thoughts.
sumdude Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Whoa... what a subject. In my life I've had flashes considering it. A few times lately. But the survival instinct is very strong and I end that train of thought right away. Plus, we do need each other in life. I only have to imagine how it affect my dad and others and it does end up looking like an incredibly selfish act. Maybe your own pain ends but the pain you inflict on those you love and love you would be incredible. Ain't no woman or person worth me taking my own life... no effin' way!
azianpride143 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 The thought crossed my mind when I found out about my wife's affair. But then I thought about why would I want my wife to benefit from my death. Her spending my life insurance money on her new bf. Plus what about my kids. How would they cope? I scratched that thought out of my head and now it's gone. Why quit now?
Missy27 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 One of my very good friends has been there. REALLY strong guy. He went through a really bad time in his life, suffered from Paranoia, anxiety, Insecurity etc. His friends actually DID start to turn their backs on him, which made me savage and certainly didn't help his situation. He climbed to the top of a bridge one day. Sat there and thought SERIOUSLY about ending it. From what he's told me, he was sat there for about an hour contemplating it. Had just about made his decision when he saw a woman walking across the bridge with a Golden Retriever. She stopped and talked to him and the dog was wagging his little tail and looked SO happy to see him. He LOVES dogs and something inside of him clicked when he was there stroking that lil' pup. He came to see me straight after this. Sat me down and asked me If I thought he was a dog. I asked him what the hell he meant and he said "am I dog? Should I be put down?" After a LONG LONG talk, I think he finally realised that life is too short as it is, and no matter what, things could ALWAYS be worse. He swears to this day that that dog saved his life. 10 years on and he's now married, has a family, is happy, healthy and has "molly", his 9 year old retriver who's pretty much taught him that no matter what happens, no matter what troubles you might have to overcome and fight in life, somebody always loves you and depends on you.
Author Gunny376 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 I'm many a year the otherside of divorce, but I remember being "there" in the pit and darkness of it all. There's nothing worth "suiciding" yourself over ~ nothing. But, it is a reality of divorce. It just struck me hearing my daughter telling my 3 year old grandson, as he protested "Leave me alone" ~ "I need you ~ and you need Me!" That we all need each other. From the mouths of babes!
ilmw Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 From the mouths of babes! That is so true.. I have seen enough suicides to make me realise... I would never do it.. I believe everyone has contemplated it... It is an instant thought.. My life sucks.. it would be easier if I was dead... and my pain would go away....BUT! Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.... because of all the pain you leave behind... the hurt.. and pain..... and unanswered questions... of family and friends... Unfortunately.. there are enough poor souls out there... suffering with deep depression... and other disorders of the brain... that do not have the coping abilities... of the average... mentally healthy person. Therefore.... the person who commits the act... will die... and his family and friends... will live on... asking WHY? Having just experienced this...through DW's family.... I now have an even more... empathetic... attitude towards the families.. I will deal with. To sum up... Suicide is a tragedy... ! Not a very... deep post... but I don't feel like going into details...
alphamale Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 To sum up... Suicide is a tragedy... I agree ILMW but if you're gonna go, sometimes its better to go under your own terms and to be in control. And since many people who do kill themselves have some form of mental illness I can't really blame them. We would have to walk a mile in their shoes before we judge.
quankanne Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 we all need each other this affirms the culture of life, as the Catholic Church defines it. Each life has value, and no matter how alone you think you are, there's at least one person who feels you are everything to him/her. But, that's easy to forget when we're bombarded by messages from the media that we don't smell good enough, we're not sexy enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough, etc. Suicide feeds into that, even when you think you're the one "in control" of your life by taking it, because you've convinced yourself you're unlovable or not needed. as crappy or as rough as your life can get, you still maintain a sense of inherent dignity.
ilmw Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 we all need each other this affirms the culture of life, as the Catholic Church defines it. Each life has value, and no matter how alone you think you are, there's at least one person who feels you are everything to him/her. But, that's easy to forget when we're bombarded by messages from the media that we don't smell good enough, we're not sexy enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough, etc. Suicide feeds into that, even when you think you're the one "in control" of your life by taking it, because you've convinced yourself you're unlovable or not needed. as crappy or as rough as your life can get, you still maintain a sense of inherent dignity. I agree with the dignity... but I have yet to see someone who has committed suicide and look dignified... I tend to only get the gruesome ones... where they've blown parts of their heads of and have crapped and pissed themselves.. and Alpha... I get what you are saying... but.. maybe its just the way I am wired... to actually want to commit suicide... is a loss of control.
quankanne Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 um, the crapping and pissing is a natural part of the death process because the body's muscles relax ... though the other statement about loss of control rings true
alphamale Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 and Alpha... I get what you are saying... but.. maybe its just the way I am wired... to actually want to commit suicide... is a loss of control. Rational people cannot understand the irrational mind....and mental illness can make one's mind quite irrational. The latest example is that Cho dude at VT.
Author Gunny376 Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 My purpose in starting this thread was ~ There is life after divorce! Like Lady Jane said: Its the end of your marriage, not your life? If I've saved but one life by this thread? Its served its purpose!
CastingPearls Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 It's funny how sometimes a topic will jump out at you. Once or twice since my divorce I have cared for an actively dying patient at work and thought, you lucky ......., another few hours and you'll be out of the whole mess. Then I quickly smother that thought and replace it with a more appropriate, grateful, count-my-blessings (which are many) focus. I'm not suicidal, people I love and care about need me, and I would never let them down. I can see though, how life can become just a duty to plod through, a daily grind. How do you connect knowing that it's good to be alive with actually feeling that way?
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Hey Gunny, I haven't thought about suicide but the thought of someone else's death has crossed my mind a time or two... Seriously, if the thought of suicide is crossing anyone's mind right now due to divorce or for any other relationship breakup, is the other person really worth your life? Are you going to allow someone else to erode you to this point? How much damage has this other person done to you that you would even consider dying before potentially experiencing the best parts of your life?
hurting_in_nw Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 It's easy to say "the other person isn't worth it," but in my case, my despair was so great the other day, that when I thought about just dying, I thought that it would be the only way to make her hurt as badly as she's hurt me...that her relationship with the OM would forever be tainted knowing what they had done to me. But, I remembered that they're both walking, breathing pieces of s**t. And i remembered that I have a son that loves me more than anything, and what would his life be without me in it? Who deserves my commitment more, them or him? The answer is easy, and the thoughts were overcome.
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Suicide is NEVER an answer! If a person thinks that doing that will hurt people who hurt them, they're dead wrong! People who hurt others to a suicidal point are just inhuman, they have lost all concept of love or caring.
alphamale Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Suicide is NEVER an answer! thats a pretty arrogant statement DV... for some people suicide is a great answer and who are we to judge? if someone wants to killl themselves for whatever reasons they should be able to, its their right.
azianpride143 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Yes it's easy to say suicide is not the answer. But until you go through the painful reality and the thought actually crosses your mind. Then you can never say. It happens. We get hurt so much and hit the dirt. No one to turn to and don't know what to do with the pain. You just want to end it. Then you are faced with a choice to end it now and don't have to suffer anymore. Or you start weighing why not to end it. Ultimately it's the person's choice why they end up facing reality rather than ending it. But it's a hard choice to make and we all go through it as well. Remember you are not alone. The only reason why I'm alive today is because of my kids and the reality that my STBX will not be basking in my life insurance payout.
Trialbyfire Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I thought that it would be the only way to make her hurt as badly as she's hurt me...that her relationship with the OM would forever be tainted knowing what they had done to me. The sad reality is that someone as selfish as your ex might not be strongly impacted by a suicide. If anything, it might make them glad that they bridged off someone new.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Suicide? Maybe briefly. I wanted the pain to end, not my life. Homicide? Oh yeah.....
dgiirl Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I've had suicidal thoughts, especially in the beginning. The pain was so much that I had a hard time dealing with it. I cried literally 24/7 for the first 6 months. I was completely isolated far away from my family and support system, living alone in my house. I lived like a monk for a year and a bit. The only thing that kept me around was I couldnt hurt the people who did love me. And slowly, over time, I would have a "good" moment, I could smile for a fraction of a second. And I held onto that moment. If I could be happy for just a split second yesterday, then I could be happy again in the near future, and to just hold on. I rode the deep lows by remembering the few highs I was starting to experience. I made a point of recognizing the "good" things that happened in my day, even if it was minimal or insignificant like watching a neighbors dog jumping in the snow. I held onto those moments like my life depended on them, because it did. And slowly, over time, and with effort, I paid more attention to the good things in life. I slowly became appreciative of what life brought me, even if it took me in directions I never really wanted to go at first. Now, 2+ years later, I am SOOOO thankful of LIFE. I dont always get what I want, and I do have bad days, but overall, this divorce has brought so much blessings into my life. I've done things I would NEVER have had done. I've met so many wonderful people and my life is completely different. I went from a scared homebody to an outgoing social butterfly. Yes, I still have a lot of the same characteristics I use to be, a little shy, sometimes anxious, the core of me is still me, but I've also learned to overcome a lot of my faults and learned to accept the ones I couldnt. In some way's, I've done a complete 180. For those who are contemplating suicide, please remember that you never truely know what tomorrow will bring. Yes, your life might be painful right now, and you might be forced to go through some changes, and it might not be what you want, but have faith that life will take you to places that might be better for us than our own choices. That in order to start a new adventure in life, we sometimes need to finish off old adventures, and in the bigger scheme of things, this moment will only be a glimpse on your radar when you think of the past 10/20/30 years from now.
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Yes it's easy to say suicide is not the answer. But until you go through the painful reality and the thought actually crosses your mind. Then you can never say. It happens. We get hurt so much and hit the dirt. No one to turn to and don't know what to do with the pain. You just want to end it. Then you are faced with a choice to end it now and don't have to suffer anymore. Or you start weighing why not to end it. Ultimately it's the person's choice why they end up facing reality rather than ending it. But it's a hard choice to make and we all go through it as well. Remember you are not alone. The only reason why I'm alive today is because of my kids and the reality that my STBX will not be basking in my life insurance payout. You just never know, I may have been there already. As far as pain goes, there are many types........
pricillia Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 we all need each other this affirms the culture of life, as the Catholic Church defines it. Each life has value, and no matter how alone you think you are, there's at least one person who feels you are everything to him/her. But, that's easy to forget when we're bombarded by messages from the media that we don't smell good enough, we're not sexy enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough, etc. Suicide feeds into that, even when you think you're the one "in control" of your life by taking it, because you've convinced yourself you're unlovable or not needed. as crappy or as rough as your life can get, you still maintain a sense of inherent dignity. We don't need the Catholic Church to tell us that our lives have value...
Pyro Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 thats a pretty arrogant statement DV... for some people suicide is a great answer and who are we to judge? if someone wants to killl themselves for whatever reasons they should be able to, its their right. Sure we all have the right to kill ourselves but suicide is never the answer. Come on people, take a little more responsibility with your lives. If you are in a tough situation, suck it up and do something about it. Do what it takes to make your life better. Sure it may take lots of work and sure you may have to experience some pain now in order to live a pain free life in the future but improving yourself and learning from your mistakes is what life is all about. Suicide is the cowardly way out IMO. BTW, yes I had suicidal thoughts when I was younger, but I took initiative with my life and I fixed it. I am only human, so if I can do it, than anyone can.
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