How can a BW reconnect with her WH?

[Guest]

My H revealed to me he has feelings for a coworker. He told me that he does not know if she knows how he feels, but she told him she is falling in love. SHe knows he is married with children.

 

He told me he does not connect with me anymor,e but does with her.

 

He does not want a divorce and he has been having a lot of emotional turmoil in the months preceeding this. He recognizes that this is not the problem but the result of the problem. He is confused.

 

I told him he needs to think carefully about his descision becasue he could lose me. He told me he does not want to lose me, but can not help his feelings. He thinks he needs to get it out his system.

 

He has not moved out. He seems t be a little happier at home right now and has not been drinking as much. He also seems more interested in whay the kids and I are up to.

 

I am asking on here because I want to know what you all think including OW/OM and any MM.

 

I told him that obviously we do still connect on some level since he is talking about this with me and not her. I am trying to be understanding and be there for him, becasue he is going through some emotional issues right now.

 

IN NO WAY DO I WANT TO END THIS MARRIAGE EITHER.

[scaredinlove]

My H revealed to me he has feelings for a coworker. He told me that he does not know if she knows how he feels, but she told him she is falling in love. SHe knows he is married with children.

 

He told me he does not connect with me anymor,e but does with her.

 

He does not want a divorce and he has been having a lot of emotional turmoil in the months preceeding this. He recognizes that this is not the problem but the result of the problem. He is confused.

 

I told him he needs to think carefully about his descision becasue he could lose me. He told me he does not want to lose me, but can not help his feelings. He thinks he needs to get it out his system.

 

He has not moved out. He seems t be a little happier at home right now and has not been drinking as much. He also seems more interested in whay the kids and I are up to.

 

I am asking on here because I want to know what you all think including OW/OM and any MM.

 

I told him that obviously we do still connect on some level since he is talking about this with me and not her. I am trying to be understanding and be there for him, becasue he is going through some emotional issues right now.

 

IN NO WAY DO I WANT TO END THIS MARRIAGE EITHER.

 

It seems to me that you both want the same thing, keep the marriage. It also seem that he trust you enough to come and ask for help, because that is wht he is doing. He wants to work the marriage or maybe give it one last chance.Either why he is being honest and fair with you . That is great!

 

Maybe since you both are so honest to each other you should really seat down and try to figure out what is missiing........

 

Good Luck:)

[NoIDidn't]

I think that you are in the WRONG place for this information. Your best bet would be a Marriage related or Divorce Busting site. I mean no disrespect to the OPs here, but they are not really interested in showing a W and H how to reconnect.

 

From what you have stated, it sounds like your H needs to be evaluated for depression possibly. And also that you guys need to go out on dates while he is out of the home. Re-establish your friendship, if you had one. Or establish a friendship, if you didn't have one.

 

I just don't think that asking those that play an active part in putting distance into Ms is a good place to start. Just MHO.

[whichwayisup]

He thinks he needs to get it out his system.

 

He can't go try her out, see how that works, and then come crawling back to you. Nope, life doesn't work that way...That's extremely selfish of him to even consider getting it out of his system. He needs help, suggest that he goes to a therapist to sort out his feelings and confusion, rather than go cheat with another woman who has already confessed she loves him and wants him...She also seems to not have ANY respect for your marriage. She's crossing lines by letting him know how she feels. That's wrong of her, as she knows he is married with children.

 

I commend him for telling you what he is feeling inside, I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to do, as well as I'm sure it wasn't easy for you hearing about it.

 

You tell him he has two choices, end the friendship with the OW and go to marriage counselling with you, as well as he needs to go to individual counselling so HE can deal with his own issues too.

 

He does love you, don't doubt that...I'm betting this is a case of sexual attraction, crush, infactuation that has caught his attention, and those feelings can be very strong. And it can cloud judgement, so again, it's really good that he's opened up to you BEFORE this got out of hand...

 

Make plans with him, spend alone time together, go out on dates, try to recapture what it was that brought you two together in the first place...Also, definately spend close family time together. As a family, all of you go somewhere and bond. He needs to see what he may be giving up if he chooses to cheat on you and experiement the other side of the fence.

 

Make sure he knows that if he walks out that door and into the arms of the OW, the marriage may not be saved...He needs to understand the consquences of his actions...Though, I think he does since he's talking to you about all this.

 

Good luck and I hope he comes around, tells the OW goodbye and focuses on you and the marriage.

[pricillia]

I think that you are in the WRONG place for this information. Your best bet would be a Marriage related or Divorce Busting site. I mean no disrespect to the OPs here, but they are not really interested in showing a W and H how to reconnect.

 

From what you have stated, it sounds like your H needs to be evaluated for depression possibly. And also that you guys need to go out on dates while he is out of the home. Re-establish your friendship, if you had one. Or establish a friendship, if you didn't have one.

 

I just don't think that asking those that play an active part in putting distance into Ms is a good place to start. Just MHO.

 

oh be quiet... that is not true and you know it!!!

 

 

 

 

TO OP..

 

I think it is good tha he came to you for support, and that he says he does not want to loose you is a good thing, talk to him about what he needs from you and try to apease within reason, and cheating is not within reason.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Guest,

 

It's a really positive step IMO that your H revealed these feelings to you. Affairs breed in secrecy so it's one positive step that feelings leading to an affair have been volunteered by your H.

 

He may think he needs to get it out of his system. Would that involve him leaving the house, a trial separation? I'm assuming he means that getting it out of his system is to see how things go with the OW. I think that's a potential disaster situation. OW will see that as him coming to her, and rejecting you, and she will put in all of the work to make sure that he doesn't regret his decision so she can keep him!

 

But, there's no point in arguing, "Go ahead with this and you'll lose me". He's already said he doesn't connect with you and he connects with her. I think you're next job is to find out why he has lost his connection with you. I personally don't believe that one person just "loses" a connection, it take two to tango, so you may need to look within yourself whilst he looks within himself. A clue to this may be how he connects with the OW - is it because she makes him feel loved? Is it excitement lacking in his life and does she fill it?

 

Have you talked about the possibility of going to marriage counselling with him?

 

I do feel sorry for MM and MW who experience these feelings for OP. There are some who think it's disgraceful blah blah blah, but in my eyes - it's human. But if you both put work in, he stops contact with the OW (and I mean all contact there) you're both in a good position to work on your marriage.

[scaredinlove]

He may think he needs to get it out of his system. Would that involve him leaving the house, a trial separation? I'm assuming he means that getting it out of his system is to see how things go with the OW. I think that's a potential disaster situation. OW will see that as him coming to her, and rejecting you, and she will put in all of the work to make sure that he doesn't regret his decision so she can keep him!

 

I don't understand what getting out of his system means either. Having the affair only will make the situation harder.

 

As for the OW keeping him, based on my personal experience and by reading all the other stories here I would say that the OW is rarely in control and that most MM don't leave the marriages.

[greeneyes78]

I really don't think that the poster is giving us enough information to provide her with targetted feedback and/or advice in this case... Yes, I agree with others, the fact that he's opening up to her is a huge step. But she can't focus on "reaction" only.

Can you tell us more about their work relationship? Is there any way he can look for opportunities outside of his current company? Or maybe in another department? He's already admitted to having feelings for this woman... I don't see how the feelings can just go away if they continue on working together.

Everyone seems to be quick in judging the OW, but we don't really know what kind of relationship these two are having... he says that she told him that she's falling for him, but who knows what the story really is.

Has the husband been away a lot? I mean, does he go out with people from work a lot? Does he travel for work? How "convenient" is it for them to see each other? Does he work a lot?

We live in a society where people very frequently spend more time at the office or with their coworkers than they do at home... Ironically, often times they do so to be able to support their families. The danger here is "having more things in common" with their office mates than the person that they married...

How long have you been married? How many kids do you have? What kind of marriage do you have? Do you frequent company outings with your husband? Are you present in his life outside of the home/family that you built together? Has he ever "wandered" before?

Again, I don't feel like the poster is sharing enough information for us to jump into any conclusions.

[whichwayisup]

He told me that he does not know if she knows how he feels, but she told him she is falling in love. SHe knows he is married with children.

Well, it's pretty obvious what she wants and has told him how she feels, even knowing he is married with children.

 

It sounds like you're taking what people are saying personally. This OW is not you, this situation isn't about you.

 

Guest should be aware of what an OW can be capable of, especially since the OW has a real desire for her husband.

[Virgo1982]

I think that you are in the WRONG place for this information. Your best bet would be a Marriage related or Divorce Busting site. I mean no disrespect to the OPs here, but they are not really interested in showing a W and H how to reconnect.

 

From what you have stated, it sounds like your H needs to be evaluated for depression possibly. And also that you guys need to go out on dates while he is out of the home. Re-establish your friendship, if you had one. Or establish a friendship, if you didn't have one.

 

I just don't think that asking those that play an active part in putting distance into Ms is a good place to start. Just MHO.

 

The topic is one that would be better suited for a marriage or divorce forum, but to say we wouldn't want to help or are incapable of helping...I disagree. OW/OM go to other forums and offer insight just as many people find their way onto the OW/OM to offer their insight. Some people are able to be objective. Some people can separate their situation from the situations of others. Many people can give advice, but have a hard time taking their own.

 

Anyway, as one poster previously stated, the fact that he came to you and gave you the truth was quite admirable. In any relationship, if someone has a problem and they present it to their partner, there has to be change or refusal to change on that partners end. On the other end, the other partner can either accept the other partners decision or leave. It's that simple. Communication is key. Once he sorts out all of that confusion, you two should have no problem expressing your feelings and coming to an agreement. Whatever it takes. Even if you have to write your concerns and share them with each other, just make sure you both are completely honest and off of defense. You'll be fine.

[Chapter2]

I just don't think that asking those that play an active part in putting distance into Ms is a good place to start. Just MHO.

 

If this were true then I guess she shouldn't talk to her husband either...is he playing an active part by even talking to this woman?

 

Guest should be aware of what an OW can be capable of

 

OW/OM have been capable of some horrible acts, that is true, but not one bit more horrible than the betraying spouse that either seeks them or allows them to enter into the marriage. It would be great to wrap it all up in a nice clean package and make the outside party the evil one but that simply isn't always the case.

 

Guest, if you've looked around on this forum at all you will see that the majority of OW/OM are XOW/OM and that they are encouraged to seek self respect and not the life of a secret second.

 

It is fantastic that your husband talked to you about this and speaks volumes for the strength of your relationship--even if this is a rough patch. Love Must be Tough by Dobson is an excellent book and may be helpful. You need strong boundaries to fight this. I'm sure this woman's attention is flattering to your H and that can truly distort his thinking.

 

Even if you make the decision not to post here, please know that there are plenty of posters here that, in spite of past poor choices, support and value marriage restoration.

[Freedom Now]

I agree with Chapter 2.

 

We xOW do not want ANYONE to feel the pain of infidelity. It hurts everyone involved in the triangle.

 

And I personally, am pro-marriage.

 

Love Must Be Tough is an excellent book for you.

 

I wish you luck, OP.

 

I know you must be feeling tremendous pain....

[Tomcat33]

I think that you are in the WRONG place for this information. Your best bet would be a Marriage related or Divorce Busting site. I mean no disrespect to the OPs here, but they are not really interested in showing a W and H how to reconnect.

 

From what you have stated, it sounds like your H needs to be evaluated for depression possibly. And also that you guys need to go out on dates while he is out of the home. Re-establish your friendship, if you had one. Or establish a friendship, if you didn't have one.

 

I just don't think that asking those that play an active part in putting distance into Ms is a good place to start. Just MHO.

 

 

Three words NID: Just shut it!

 

 

Dear Guest,

 

Sorry to hear that your husband has been thinking of straying, but at the same time you must look at the positive in your situation he came to you ON HIS OWN to reveal his intentions/thoughts regarding this woman at work. That is really something very positive. Your H clearly lovesyou very much and knows that he is involved in a dangerous situation, so much so that he is contemplating the worst, but he wants help he is crying out for help and he is crying out to you.

 

Firstly what you should do is LISTEN to him, ask him questions about your relationship ask him why he thinks the marriage has been falling apart and most importantly how the two of you can come up with a game plan to fix what is wrong. Most importantly ask and listen and take it on board.

 

If you cannot do it alone please seek councelling, you are at a make or break point in the situation and if there has been no physical connection and it's currently an emotional type of affair it may prove to be more lethal than had there been a pyshical affair. Chances are the things he is getting from this OW are very simple ones, she listens to him, they have fun together (VERY IMPORTANT) they laugh and feel admiration for one another, she cares about how he thinks, what he feels, what is on his mind, there is a mental connection going on that is why he feels closer to her than you. She makes him feel special again, something he is not feeling at home due to the reality of what the rat race does to us. We all fall into the trap of living our lives wound up so tight and negelcting who we care about most.

 

So be very introspective and also figure out what has been missing for you. If you want to save your marriage look at what it is that you have been doing differently that you could have been doing better that lead you both to this point. Share with him what he has done to contribute to the problem. I am not saying he didn't do anything, HE did, that I am certain of. But the one who is "comparing" to what's out there is him right now, and in order for you to compete with that you must be very strong and one up what he is feeling with this woman. It's unfortunate he put you in this position but that is the reality of your situation right now, he will compare you to her.

 

Most importantly try to keep the anger and resentment under raps, you must be on your best behaviour. When he sees that you are trying hard to win him over again, his feelings for this OW will go away, or should go away. In time you can let him know how wrong what he did was, but now is prob not the time. It will only push him further away.

 

Good luck and I wish you all the strenght to save what you both really care about, your marriage and each other.

[Trialbyfire]

There's some good advice in this thread but...he's responsible for his own behaviour and you are responsible for your own behaviour. The best way to hash things out is to go to counselling, preferably individual counselling (IC) and marriage counselling (MC), for both of you. There's no use you going to counselling and he not understand his own issues, therefore be incapable of contributing towards the marriage effort. No one changes for anyone but themselves and only for traumatic reasons.

 

If you have the opportunity, read some of Ladyjane's methodology. She's still happily married with a spouse that strayed at one time.

[Bleedingheart]

Ok, I am the op I decided to register.

 

I have been to the divorce busting site and I have the Dobson book as well as a few others but thank you for suggesting them, it makes me feel I made good choices.

 

I will try to answer some of the quesitons, sorry about the spelling in the original post. I did not get to edit.

 

My husband and the OW work in a restaurant that is very busy. A lot of people I know go in. Everyone always tells me how focused he is on work. and yes he works a lot. For awhile there is was working a few weeks at a time with no days off because they were so understaffed, it has been a lot better lately though.

 

We have four kids, we have been together a bout 10 years , married for about 5 1/2. We are a couple whoe "in love" feeling lasted a long time about 4 years since we got married. For some reason getting married resparked everything for us.

 

We have an active sex life. In fact I tried a few of the divorce busting methods. He noticed right away and seemed to bother him that I was pulling back a bit. I do not think that is going to work.

 

The week he revelaed these feeling to me, he kept asking me what he should do. One day there was a connection, the next he basically stated he wanted to F*** her, then back to the connection. I feel like it is more of a physical thing myself. Although I have seen what she looks like, I was a bit surprised.

 

I asked my H what it was that he was missing, he told me he does not know and that it is not my fault. He keeps saying he is just going through something right now. He said that on one hand he wants to move out, but that it would be dumb. He also admitted to this being wrong but does not know what to do since he has these feelings.

 

I asked him to stop talking to her. He told me he did not want to. I asked him then what are we supposed to do. Does he want a divorce, and he said it isn't anything like that. He won't even say the word. I told him that it will be difficult for us to reconnect if he is sharing himself with another woman. As of a few weeks ago, he has not expressed to her what he feels.

 

Right now I feel like I am where he gets sex. The week he told me it was supposed to be the last time, until the very next day ofcourse. I have not initiated every day (yes we are one of those daily couples) So when I skip a day, he asks me why I did not offer. Well, he told me he wants space, but everytime I try to giuve him space it seems to bother him. He said that sex is not connecting for him and "it is what it is." I just dont know what to do, because he does not seem interested in spending time with me either. He told me we are very different. I know that but its what made us click so well its one of the reasons he wanted to get married. He just can;t figure it out. Plus on top of all this he is having all these guilt issues and feelings resurface from his childhood.

 

Everyone knows he is not himself right now. He told me that some one at work asked him what was wrong and my H told me he did not want to say he is unhappy at home, so he just shrugged and walked away.

 

This is not the man I married. I am not sure what happened. He stopped doing things he used to like to do. Even some of his little habits have stopped.

 

So there is an element of depression, but he will not see a counseler. I just don't know what to do. I hope he makes the right descion. He has always had such a strong character and strong morals. I told him that it is something I have always admired about him.

 

I have looked at myself a lot too. I think that I tend to show him how much I love him. I need to compliment him more and say it. I also try to make sure that he does not have to do much at home. I work too, but we work opposite schedules. I am off for the summer though. SO I hope that will help too. I have also been selfish when it comes to going to school year after year. I am going to step aside and let my H do something. I have had him enrolled in classes before but he always stops. This is another part of all this. He is at a point in his life where he feels he has not accomplished anything.

 

You all have been helpful in your comments. I wanted to post here to get an idea of what the other side gives to the MM. So I know what I need to give to my H. I completely understand the significance of him telling me these feeling. Just so you know it has been about two weeks now. He has not mentioned her anymore and has seemed more interested in me and the kids lately. But still there are no signs of him wanting to do anything with just him and I. That makes me sad.

[nittygritty]

Maybe he is having a midlife crisis.

[Trialbyfire]

Keep in mind that the decision also resides with you. You can take charge and define what is acceptable to you. You can't control him but you can control you and what you're willing to accept.

 

His refusing to get counselling is unreasonable. It smacks of someone who's not fully invested in making the marriage work.

[nittygritty]

Marriagebuilders.com is also a good website.

 

I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

 

You mentioned that he is not drinking as much as he used to. Does he have a drinking problem?

 

If he doesn't want to go on vacation with just the two of you maybe a weekend family getaway would help connect him to you and the kids more.

 

I guess it is a good thing that he communicated his feelings about this woman and that he doesn't want a divorce but he wasn't putting you on notice of intentions to act on his feelings for co-worker was he?

[Bleedingheart]

Nittygritty,

 

Midlife crisis has crossed my mind A LOT. He has all the symptoms, even a lot of what he says seems to come directly from what other men in Midlife crisis say. He is a little young, but his childhood was one that no one can imagine.

 

Trialbyfire,

 

Yes I agree, I need to define what I am willing to put up with. My husband is the type to say no to everything when it is first offered. I am hoping with time I can warm him up to the idea. I have had to "warm him up" to quite a few ideas over the years. He is just so unlike himself right now, I also do not think it would be fair for me to not make an honest effort.

 

I have no idea what he plans with this girl becasue I get weird answers. For one I asked him if he was planning on dating her. He told me this answer three times "Date? what do you mean date?" I told him you know exactly what I mean, spending time alone with her? He said "I just want to see what happens." So I asked him, so that also means something may not happen. He did not respond.

 

I eventually told him that he needs to think real carefully about descisions he makes while he is in a state of confusion. He may do something he can not take back. He said you mean her? I said yes. You may lose something you can not replace. He said you mean you. I said yes. Then he said Why did you have to tell me that. I said becasue you need to know. He said well I do not want to lose you. But I can't hep my feelings for her. Then I told him, so what you want to have your cake and eat it too? He shrugged so "what if I do." I knew at this point he had switched into his defensive sarcastic mode. I told him well what about her feelings. He shrugged.

 

One thing I forgot to mention before is that after he told me this revelation he said that he had been telling me for months that he was not himself and that he was going through "something." He felt that I ignored him or did not take him seriously so he said, "The only reason I told you was to get you to listen. I had to literally hit you over the head with that girl to get you to listen to me. I need space. Something is not right with me. She is only a little tiny part of a much bigger problem. She is the result not the cause of the problem. If it had not been her it would have just been someone else."

 

So I asked him well, what do you need from me. He said nothing, I do not want you to do anything just give me space. So I tried to give space. BUt he analyzes everything I do and quesitons it.

 

I know he is confused, I just need to keep myself from jumping into that confusion as well.

[Bleedingheart]

Oh yes, my husband drinks a lot with his friends! This past week he has not been staying out quite as long drinking, even came home early a few nights. Then there was Saturday where he passed out. He does this at home too. It does not help he works with a bunch of single people, or men whose women have left them.

 

But then this morning he came home at a good time again. But I can tell he drank a lot.

 

Oh yeah - according to my H we have no problems in our marriage. He told me this because I asked him if he talks about our marriage problems to the OW. He said "we have marriage problems?" I said well this is a problem. He said "I don't talk to her about our marriage." So I asked what does he talk about with her. He shrugged. That is when I told him obviously we are still connected since he is talking to me about this and not her.

[Trialbyfire]

I know he is confused, I just need to keep myself from jumping into that confusion as well.

Absolutely.

 

It almost sounds like he's testing you to see how far you will let him go which isn't a good sign. It's good that he knows you will not accept a tri-party situation.

 

On a side note, make sure you have a separate bank account and slowly fund it, all without his knowledge. If you decide to take it further, at least you won't be financially strapped, therefore in a hurry to accept any unacceptable arrangements. You have children that rely on you.

[Bleedingheart]

Thanks for the concern. That is already in place. Plus I make more. If he leaves it will hurt him far more than me. However, I do not want him to stay because of money. I want him to be here with me and the kids because he wants to be here and loves all of us. One good thing is that he is very head strong, if he really hated beign around me, he would have left already.

 

I jsut don't know what to think after him telling me he seemed a little bit happier around the house. Talking to me asking questions. Not me though I was upset! At one point he told me, he knew what was wrong but he wanted to lessen the tension. I am being more cheerful though now. I am also trying to make more eye contact with him.

 

This is all so hard. I have read about what some wives are put thorugh when their husbands stray or go through midlife crisis. It scares me, but at the same time I can't save him.

 

Edited to add: Yeah I do not like that testing deal either. I asked him oh, what happens if you get something in your system again, and again? He said it would not be like that. I told him I will not live my life like that. Sometimes I feel like he is going through some rite of passage to leave single life behind and really commit to me and the kids. Problem is he should have done that BEFORE we got married 5 years ago.

[Tomcat33]

Nittygritty,

 

 

 

I have no idea what he plans with this girl becasue I get weird answers. For one I asked him if he was planning on dating her. He told me this answer three times "Date? what do you mean date?" I told him you know exactly what I mean, spending time alone with her? He said "I just want to see what happens." So I asked him, so that also means something may not happen. He did not respond.

 

One thing I forgot to mention before is that after he told me this revelation he said that he had been telling me for months that he was not himself and that he was going through "something." He felt that I ignored him or did not take him seriously so he said, "The only reason I told you was to get you to listen. I had to literally hit you over the head with that girl to get you to listen to me. I need space. Something is not right with me. She is only a little tiny part of a much bigger problem. She is the result not the cause of the problem. If it had not been her it would have just been someone else."

 

So I asked him well, what do you need from me. He said nothing, I do not want you to do anything just give me space. So I tried to give space. BUt he analyzes everything I do and quesitons it.

 

I know he is confused, I just need to keep myself from jumping into that confusion as well.

 

Ok something just doesn't make sense here. On the one hand he tells you he had to hit you over the head to make you notice him on the other when you ask him what the problem is he says you both have no problems. Obviously he is not being honest with you, he is witholding info.

And the idea that he "wants to see what happens with her?" WTF what is that? He's not single, he is not in a position to test what happens unless he moves out. That to me sounds completely disrespectful it sounds to me like in some twisted way he is asking for your permission to explore what he is feeling.

 

Are you willing to let him do that, from under the very roof you both share? Space is fine and dandy but space is NOT what you need right now, you need to reconnect and you need to do it fast.

[scaredinlove]

Thanks for the concern. That is already in place. Plus I make more. If he leaves it will hurt him far more than me. However, I do not want him to stay because of money. I want him to be here with me and the kids because he wants to be here and loves all of us. One good thing is that he is very head strong, if he really hated beign around me, he would have left already.

 

I jsut don't know what to think after him telling me he seemed a little bit happier around the house. Talking to me asking questions. Not me though I was upset! At one point he told me, he knew what was wrong but he wanted to lessen the tension. I am being more cheerful though now. I am also trying to make more eye contact with him.

 

This is all so hard. I have read about what some wives are put thorugh when their husbands stray or go through midlife crisis. It scares me, but at the same time I can't save him.

 

Edited to add: Yeah I do not like that testing deal either. I asked him oh, what happens if you get something in your system again, and again? He said it would not be like that. I told him I will not live my life like that. Sometimes I feel like he is going through some rite of passage to leave single life behind and really commit to me and the kids. Problem is he should have done that BEFORE we got married 5 years ago.

 

Ask him how he would feel if the sittuation was reverse? And be honest don't accept anything unless you really feel you will be OK with that. There are open marriages out there but the only one I know didn't work so well. I hope things work for the better!

[nittygritty]

It sounds like you are doing all that you can do and then some .

 

"Hoping for the best" is covered. "Preparing for the worst" could use some work.

 

The majority of people do not want a divorce it is just an unfortunate reality.

 

If the classes your taking are for an advanced degree, I would try to finish as soon as possible.

 

I would take the kids out to eat at Dad's place of employment or just stop dropping by to say hi, regularly.

 

Don't let him think that you are terrified at the thought of a divorce.

 

If he is going to screw around it should be without your blessing and consent and you shouldn't be willing to accept him back after he sows his wild oats.

 

But.... that might be why your still married and I'm not .