annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 HELP! I have no idea how to proceed with my new “friendship” and could use a little insight on what this guy might be thinking. I first came to LS about 3 weeks ago after being dumped by a guy that although I had only dated for 3 months, had been a friend for almost 2 years. He had pursued me and evidently lost interest once he had me. I was pretty crushed by the whole ordeal and decided to take some time off from dating. Around that same time I was communicating (mostly via email) with a guy that I had met a few months ago (a fellow single parent). When I told him about my relationship ending he was very sweet about it and encouraged me to break off contact and move on. I had known back when we first met that he was interested in dating, but at the time I wasn’t available. So….for the last three weeks he has been calling and emailing rather regularly. He made his intentions clear that at some point he would be interested in dating. Being that I had no intention of jumping into another relationship, I let it be known that for now I wanted to be friends and perhaps in the future it would develop into more. He’s been cool with it as far as I know. After talking for three weeks, we finally got together for the first time yesterday, just the two of us. He came to my work and met me for lunch. He had gotten his hair cut the day before and looked really good. I really enjoyed our lunch, so much so that afterwards I started thinking that maybe we could start dating as long as I we took things slow. Well ….. this is where I get confused. When I got up this morning I found he had sent me an email when he had gotten home from work last night (he works nights). In it he said what a great time he had at lunch and then went on a tirade about how he had gotten pulled over and got a ticket on his way home from work. At the end of his tirade he apologized for venting to me about it and then went on to say that if I ever need to vent he is always there to listen because that is what “friends” do for each other. The next paragraph was all about how happy he is that we are friends. He then signed it, “your friend, xxxxxxx”. Huh, ok? I can’t figure out if this is his way of complying with what he thinks I want right now or if after our lunch together he changed his mind on wanting to date. I can’t figure out where I should go from here. If he is no longer interested in dating, I don’t want to be holding out hope for that in the future (he really is a great guy). If he does still want to date, even though I don’t want to rush anything, I would like to give it a shot. Have I missed my window of opportunity? Am I going to make a fool of myself if I tell him I’d like to date him? Any insight here would be appreciated.
trigger Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Sounds to me like he's trying to tread carefully and is just waiting for you to be ready, and to perhaps say so. Maybe he's the one that wishes he could read YOUR mind.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 I agree, I think he wrote friend because he is going along with your wishes of being friends until your ready for more. I think your confusion comes in because your thinking about him a little differently after the lunch and maybe were hoping he knew that. So when you saw friends it was a little disappointing but he can't read your mind and know that it may be changing. If your serious about dating him, let him know and see how he reacts. But just be sure, you don't want to get his hopes up.
Author annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 I'm hoping that is the case. Now that I am interested in being more than friends I would hate to find out he no longer feels the same way. Its just my judgement in the past hasn't been so great so lately I find myself over analyzing and second guessing my gut feelings. Some times I just feel completely clueless when it comes to men.
trigger Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 I hear you loud and clear! Believe me. But I say take a chance. Not much good and new will come by playing it safe. Don't guard your heart too much.
jcster Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 He sounds like a great guy - I think if you were to take it slowly and just enjoy being with him, it will work out ok. I think he's just trying to respect your wishes - but I wouldn't wait too long to decide whether you want to go out with him - the good guys get snatched up early.
Author annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 Ok ....... so I responded to his email in a very nice sweet way and am now waiting for his response. Every day for the past three weeks he has emailed me when he woke up (usually around this time). I'm curious to see if he'll ask me to go out and do something this weekend. He knows that my daughter is with her dad for the weekend so my schedule is open. I've been gulity in the past of completely miss reading a guys intentions, so I am a bit gun shy. I really suck at dating. I left out of my original post that when he met me for lunch yesterday he brought me a present. I had been complaining that my neck and shoulders where nothering me from being hunched over a computer all day at work, so he got me a vibrating massager that I can keep on my desk. It was very thoughtful gift but i have to admit that when I first saw it I thought, "It's pink and it vibrates. Interesting." My friends here at work have been cracking jokes about it ever since.
trigger Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Wow, this guy is a keeper, he likes you! Trust yourself. Unless the vibrator is long and thin....cuz that's a bit creepy.
Kamille Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 He sounds like a sweet and considerate guy who really like you a lot. I read your other thread about the guy who left you rather abruptly and I think you and your new guy are both doing right by taking it slowly.
Author annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 He sounds like a sweet and considerate guy who really like you a lot. I read your other thread about the guy who left you rather abruptly and I think you and your new guy are both doing right by taking it slowly. I think taking to slow is the right thing to do too. I've made the mistake of bouncing into another relationship to quickly in the past and I don't want to do it again. I'm still feeling a bit like emotional roadkill and I don't want to mess things up.
Princess Jasmine Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 He definantly wants to date you, but he just thinks that you want to be friends first and take it slow. which is true, because you do! and awwww... he remembered what you said about your neck and gave you a little massager. How sweet!!!! =) That shows he is careing. =) Thats awsome that your guy e-Mails you everyday! =) I wish my guy would do that! lol Good Luck *God Bless*
Author annabelle75 Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 So …….. I sat around for more than an hour and a half after the time he normally emails each day waiting for his response. I was starting to really feel disappointed, like now that he finally spent some time alone with me he wasn’t interested anymore (it has happened to me in the past). But then finally I got a very LONG email from him. He explained that when he emailed me last night and was venting about the ticket he got, he was also upset about something that happened at work. A new co-worker started questioning him about his family situation. He is a single father of two. His ex-wife committed suicide two years ago, leaving him to raise the kids alone. Its still a very sensitive subject for him to talk about, especially to strangers. He said the discussion put him in a bad mood and sent him down memory lane. I think that may have set the tone for the email he sent and why I felt like it was kind of pushing me away. I think it was very nice of him to explain this to me, even though I didn’t ask about it. The rest of the email was very sweet and I’m feeling less anxious about the situation now. Only time will tell if he and I could actually make a relationship work, but for now I’m just going to keep taking it slowly and let it progress naturally.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Are you or have you told him that you would like to date? But as you said take it slow and let it progress naturally.
Author annabelle75 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 Are you or have you told him that you would like to date? But as you said take it slow and let it progress naturally. I'm just going to sit back and let it happen naturally. Being that I am very pro-active person, this isn't easy for me. I'm in new territory and have no idea what I am doing. He invited to dinner and a movie tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Also, tonight I'm hitting the town with some girlfriends for drinks and dancing, so I have fun weekend to look forward to. This morning while confirming our plans for tomorrow in an email, he again made a "friends" reference. I'm assuming its becasue he doesn't want me to think he expectes it to be a date. I think I've come to the conclusion that no guy would put this much effort into and pay this much attention to a girl he isn't interested in dating. So I believe he is still interested in dating and is just honoring my desire to not rush into anything. dating is so complicated these days. Why can't we go back to the days of arranged marriages?
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 That's great, have a great time this weekend. The only concern I had was that he doesn't know your interested now. "I think I've come to the conclusion that no guy would put this much effort into and pay this much attention to a girl he isn't interested in dating" - probably true but assuming never ends well. I still think you should let him know in some way (direct or hints) that your interested in more than "friends" then he may drop the "friends" reference and won't be afraid to think about you as more or be afraid to cross the line. He may be afraid to do or say things because he respects that you said you were only ready for friends.
LoveLace Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 It sounds as though maybe the both of you want to take it slow, especially considering what happened with his Ex. What a hard thing to go through. You two have a good foundation of friendship for a relationship, it seems. It does sound like he's respecting your wishes yet keeps reminding you, like with the gift, that you are special to him. Have fun on your night out, and maybe there will be a moment when it feels right enough for you to say you'd like to date. He would probably be very happy to know for sure that you are interested in him.
Author annabelle75 Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 I'm hoping tomorrow night, I'll be able to get the point across that I am interested in more with out having to actually say it to him. I've been "uping" my flirtation in our email exchanges over the last few days as well. I'll just have to play it by ear tomorrow and see what happens.
LoveLace Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 It will help if you flirt more. But I've learned the hard way, many times, that men need to be told directly. It's the only way they know anything is for certain. Not that they don't respond to things like flirting..they do..but the only true green light for them, I think, is words.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 True I agree, many times flirting and hints go over their heads. So directly with words can't go wrong.
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