princess75 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Hello, I would like to share something and get inputs..my husband wants divorce and ...since he started I was so much crying and sad...but now I am numb and accepting. I am looking at the relationship, and I saw warning signs in the beginning. It is not been even a year of marriage. I am wondering though, will he ever realize? Why is it it feels all wrong? He blames me for all what went wrong in the relationship, it seems he has a book where he records everything and tells me all the "bad" things I did. I even told him to get past it and we can build life, he says I am the worst woman in this life. I am kind of numb. I do feel sad for the loss, but at same time know it is for the best. I just wished he could see I loved him enough to tolerate his crap, and would like for him to change. Meaning he has put me down and I tolerated. I am confused as i am not sure if he suffered from abuse and that is why he acts this way, or he is the abuser.... (with his ex wife) I was kind of asking for too much from him, in the sense of he is too sensitive. Anything I say he took to heart, or is this part of abuse? And behaved like a victim..and I am not talkign about big things ...I am talking about normal talk... Well, jsut wondering...If we have a gut feeling it is not over, yet the man act as it is over...what do we do?
Ladyjane14 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Well, jsut wondering...If we have a gut feeling it is not over, yet the man act as it is over...what do we do? It sounds to me like the thing to do would be... to praise whatever higher power you believe in and give thanks that you were spared YEARS of misery. You've got less than one year invested in this joker.. a guy who keeps a LIST of your faults? Is that right? Life's too short when you're missing out on the good stuff. And it's too long when you've got an albatross chained around your neck. Weird as it sounds... maybe the thing to do is to look at this as a good cause to celebrate. You might have "missed the bullet".
PWSX3 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 The book I am reading right now has a chapter called Eliminating your bad spirits and the first characteristic is "you're a scorekeeper". A healthy relationship is clearly a partnership. Parnters cooperate, they support one another. and they depend on one another. They do not compete. Does making a list of your faults fit in a good relationship???? #2 is "you're a fault finder"...... I would guess this is also something he is doing if he keeps a log. Sounds like you have your answers, you even say you saw warning signs in the beginning.
sumdude Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 The book I am reading right now has a chapter called Eliminating your bad spirits and the first characteristic is "you're a scorekeeper". A healthy relationship is clearly a partnership. Parnters cooperate, they support one another. and they depend on one another. They do not compete. Does making a list of your faults fit in a good relationship???? #2 is "you're a fault finder"...... I would guess this is also something he is doing if he keeps a log. Sounds like you have your answers, you even say you saw warning signs in the beginning. Wish I could get my STBX to read that one.... She keeps a journal, usually this is healthy but it's also a scorecard too.
Guesttinkerdeb Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 To All note, if it feels bad it probably is, no matter how many excuses u can imagine to excuse the ill behavior, Ladies & Gentlemen-- listen to your gut instincts!!! I waited too many years {foo-foo'ing my gut instincts} and I now have disabling brain damage, not to mention emotional distress, as proof to me that my "gut instincts" were totally correct! If u are thinking ,"if I just do this or change that he/she will stop"; NO, it is not u & it is nothing to feel ashamed or deserving of!!! I had so many early warning signs---{putting a pager on you,screening ur calls,nasty language},believe me, it does escalate,IT GETS WORSE, the throwing of hateful words moves to hurling of objects, which invites punching fists,kicking legs,pushing & shoving. 15 years later I am finally rid of this---FREE FROM HELL ON EARTH. I replied to this site hoping to get a clear message out to any man,woman or child who can relate to any part of my story and NOT DO WHAT I DID-- DONT ACCEPT ABUSE- there are many sources of help out there-dont be too ashamed to tap into those assitance sources- LEARN FORM MY MESSAGE-you have nothing to be afraid of --NOY WITH THE HELP THAT IS OUT THERE--- I simply wish I had admitted that I needed help many years ago!!!!!
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