pureinheart Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 advice: Yesterday I got a call from a lady who went to a job related class with me and ex-MM, she has been good friends with ex-MM for over 30 yrs....she needed a job related phone # from me. This is the first time I have talked to her since the class last April, she is a really nice person and she had an idea MM had feelings (or something) for me. Towards the end of the conversation she asked if I had seen ex-MM, and I very casually said no and tried to change the direction of the conversing when she cut in with ex-MM working 2 jobs....I said, "well, he never liked to be at home anyway".....then she said that ex-MM's W had left him....he came home one day and the house was almost empty....I guess his main concern was that she left the house all torn up and dirty. I proceeded to tell her the story of what had happened with his family and the horrible things they did to me, trying to get me fired...the myspace thing ect....I cautioned her to be careful as W though he was cheating with her too (they were'nt). She thinks ex-MM's W left him a couple of months ago.... I don't get it....why now....ex-MM was a serial cheater and they had played this game together for years....he cheats, she stalks him, he gets caught. The R with him was an EA, more of a close friendship than anything...he's the one that brought the love crap into play. I spent more time avoiding him than anything. Ex-MM and family gave dysfunctional a whole new meaning, the thinking, and behavior is quite twisted, abuse in all forms (and I mean all forms). Them breaking up and most likely divorcing has caused an unsettled feeling in me, even though the break up is for the best....I don't want him seeking me out....I am happy now. Many emotions are running through me now....the hurt, fear of how vulnerable I was to him....because of getting sick and all of the crap his family did to me, my focus had to be much different and I don't think I really healed from the emotional part of this. Though distorted, I did have feelings for him, and was hurt by his actions. I was angry and hurt all day at work today....I hate what I allowed him to do to me. I fear he will show up on my doorstep, I fear my reaction, I fear i will be sucked in again....I pray I will not be tested in this and hope to never see him again. Forgive me if this sounds distorted....distortion was a major part of the R w/MM, and now dealing with the pain feel the distortion rearing it's ugly head.... Any advice, encouragement or knowledge would be greatly appreciated
GreenEyedLady Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 I don't have any knowledge or advice to give...but what I can say is that you are an EXTREMELY strong woman...you will get past this...mourn and grieve, rant and rave...this part of your life is almost over... Your vulnerability made you HUMAN... Your strength is what will help you find peace and acceptance... Fear not and believe in yourself...GEL
cbl Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 GEL is very right. you are probably too strong and too independent..... to realize that sometimes it is OK to be vulnerable and that it is human to make mistakes when one's weak. I haven't been able to forgive myself for letting my xMM's family hurt me the way they did (and of course me to them). But I know someday I will. By then, I will not feel weak even if he comes back to me. I love your quote. "To err is human; to forgive is divine" First time I learned it, I was 12 when I started learning English. I did not know the true meaning behind it until so many years later. Take care.
marlena Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 advice: I fear he will show up on my doorstep, I fear my reaction, I fear i will be sucked in again....I pray I will not be tested in this and hope to never see him again. Forgive me if this sounds distorted....distortion was a major part of the R w/MM, and now dealing with the pain feel the distortion rearing it's ugly head.... Any advice, encouragement or knowledge would be greatly appreciated No Pure in Heart, He will not suck you into this again. I think deep down you know that. I am sure you have seen him for who he really is. It's a shattering moment when we realize that the person we loved is not at all who we loved..but someone else. Something tells me you have already had this enlightening moment. I also know that you are far too wise to walk down that path again. You yourself say that mm and his W have developed over the years a twisted pattern of he cheats, she stalks and then boom! Something tells me his recent moving out is nothing but another repeat of the same pattern and that soon they will be back together reliving the same experience over and over again. It is normal for feelings refuel ..and a lot of the anger you think you have gotten over suddenly flares up again...it will only last briefly. You know in your heart of purest hearts, this man is not good for you (or anyone , I should think)! That said, I can understand your fear of being sucked in again. These types are masters at manipulation. Rant and rave and vent all you need ...we are all listening!
Tomcat33 Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Hello Pure! What was your relationship with this man like? Why would you not consider dating him or being with him?
NoIDidn't Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Pure I am sorry you are feeling this way. I think you may be right, though. I just don't get the feeling that this lady called you on her own. Seems like she was asked to "test" the waters with you by MM. I don't think she knows what you have experienced by he and his family though. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you, but I don't. I agree with GEL that you are really strong. You were very strong in the face of adversity with the sitch with his kids and W. I am sure that you will get through this.
Author pureinheart Posted May 4, 2007 Author Posted May 4, 2007 GEL....wow, how encouraging! Well, you gave me a lot of wisdom girl! LOL Relationships that go wrong, or were wrong from the beginning, rob so much from our being. We are left to deal with the rejection and hurt... BUT, at least I'm alive to do that!!!!!! You know, I have to share a fear....please keep in mind I thought I was "in love".... I watched a show where a lady actually died of a broken heart....I saw myself at this point as I felt myself dying slowly for real.... cbl....I'm having a hard time forgiving myself too, maybe we both should work on that ....thank you cbl for sharing your story in past threads....it's a big help and is very encouraging! We will all be okay eventually. Marlena....Shattering is such a perfect word....I was so shocked, the sad thing is is I only chose to see what I wanted to...have operated in distortion before, but never this bad, if anything this was a big wake up call....thank you so much Marlena for listening, it really means a lot! Tomcat33... The relationship was filled with confusion, he walks in confusion. I spent a lot of time talking with him to try and help him straighten some of his mess, but he rarely listened. He showered me with attention and thoughtful presents...I was vulnerable and was married myself when we started working together again...after a couple of months we went out together and at that point I knew my marriage was over and we divorced. Everyone saw his admiration for me and called it love...I think he was attracted to me, but in a different way, it was almost like I was his salvation or something....everyone at work called him my puppy dog...we work in aircraft and these guys hold back nothing lol I don't think I could get over the hurt, and would hold it against him, we could never be together....he used to tell me he would end up on my doorstep, I would say "ya right"....he would say, you never know....this is now a fear for me....thanks Tomcat33 for asking these questions, it helped to get this out! NoIDidnt....wow I think you are soooo right, he did have something to do with his family coming after me....but why? Was it to get back at me? Too weird, not much of this has made much sense, and any sense I did make came from you and the people on this forum, you all have been a God send! Thank you soooo much!
scaredinlove Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Pure he maight never show up. Maybe he found someone else or he will be ashamed to look for you. Don't suffer before time.
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