CarolineKaroline Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I began seeing a new fella last week. He is a friend of a friend and we get on well, and it’s going alright, but there have been a few problems. The sex has been awkward because he cannot seem to ejaculate. We have talked about it a bit but I feel a bit awkward because I don’t know him that well, and it seems odd to talk about something so intimate so soon. Also, I’m worried that I have a crush on his best mate –he doesn’t fancy me but I can’t help thinking about him sometimes. I’ve begun to think that there’s a deeper problem to all this – I broke up with my big love at Christmas, we had been together more than 3 years and he was my best friend. I don’t want to get back with him because it was definitely over, but occasionally I still get a massive jolt of really, really missing him, and I catch myself imagining that the new guy is him sometimes. It just feels very strange to be intimate, both emotionally and sexually, with someone other than my ex. I don’t feel guilty – he got together with one of our close friends just a couple of weeks after we split up – but I just feel sad, and awkward about it. I thought I was over him, but I realize I’m probably not. But now I don’t know what to do. Is it unfair of me to mess the new guy around? Or should I try to explain how I’m feeling and just keep it casual? Or do I need to be 100% over him before I see anyone new? If I break up with him, I’m afraid of being lonely again. Please help.
jcster Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 The sex has been awkward because he cannot seem to ejaculate. This happens to guys more often than you would think - and it seems to be a comfort issue. If the sex seems awkward to you (and you say you don't know him very well) then he probably feels the same way. It just feels very strange to be intimate, both emotionally and sexually, with someone other than my ex. I don’t feel guilty ... but I just feel sad, and awkward about it. It sounds like you haven't healed from you breakup yet - and it sounds like you're regretting jumping into an intimate relationship with this new guy. I really think you should take some time to get over your last relationship. If I break up with him, I’m afraid of being lonely again. Everyone gets lonely sometimes. It's not the worst fate in the world. If you can make peace with you lonliness, you'll find that it fades away pretty quickly. Jumping into a relationship just to avoid being lonely is going to hurt you far worse than a few lonely evenings will. Be kind to yourself. Tell this guy you need to get your head together and drop him.
TheRealBigOMan Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Also, you don't have to be in a relationship to deal with loneliness. Making new friends and spending more time with old friends works too. I recently ended a long relationship (2.5 years) and feel kind of lonely. It is weird being single again. I've spent the last couple of days catching up with old friends and making plans with them. It made me feel better. It sounds like you need some more time to recover.
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