tben Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 my problem is probably more common than i had thought. my fiance is having an affair with another man.....i came across this information by mistake and i can't confront him with it.....he is for the most part a very good man and from what i read there is no real emotions there but it saddens me that this is happening.....weird that if it were another woman i would know how to handle it, but seeing it isn't i am so confused.....hurt is probably the biggest....why am i not enough??? is the cheating just as bad as if it were another woman? damn it i love this man
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Why can't you confront him with this information??? He is the one who is cheating, so what if you snooped or stumbled across it. You must have known something was not right if you snooped, and if you didn't snoop, by finding out the truth - NOW you know something is not right. Him cheating is about HIM and HIM only. You didn't do anything wrong...Something inside him is missing and he needs MORE than what you could ever give him. The good thing is, as painful as it is, you know the truth NOW. You can decide to bail out and find yourself a man who won't cheat on you with either sex, or you can choose to fix things with him. Whatever you decide, make sure he's worth fighting for. Also...Imagine how you would feel 5-10 years from now, with afew children into the mix.... Yes, you love him, but he isn't the person who you think he is. If he is gay or bisexual, can you handle marrying a man knowing that he'll be continually wanting or getting some on the side throughout your marriage? TALK to him.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 my problem is probably more common than i had thought. my fiance is having an affair with another man.....i came across this information by mistake and i can't confront him with it.....he is for the most part a very good man and from what i read there is no real emotions there but it saddens me that this is happening.....weird that if it were another woman i would know how to handle it, but seeing it isn't i am so confused.....hurt is probably the biggest....why am i not enough??? is the cheating just as bad as if it were another woman? damn it i love this man You SHOULD either confront him with it or just break it off...let me tell you from experience that you will NEVER be what he needs...in these types of cases you are more of a front so that no one else will figure out...do you really want to be used like that? I'm sure he is a very good man...but he is also a very confused man... You are not enough because he is homosexual...think of it this way-could another woman be enough for you? No, because your orientation is heterosexual...his orientation is directly in conflict with yours... While you could have many things with him, you will never have true sexual/emotional intimacy with him...after all, he is hiding his true self from you...
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Expose this fraud to the world, how dare he tries to marry you but not only cheats, but cheats with a man. I for one find it interolable!!! He's probably gonna use you for cover or what they say is a "Beard". I implore you do not marry this guy, anybody who cheats especially before the marriage has a serious problem and past behavior is a future indicator of things to come. Do you really want to watch over your sholder everytime he goes out with his homies to play basketball? Trust me, he's using you and you dont even know it. I say dont get fueled on emotions bring it to everyone's attention and let it be known. Hold off on this wedding. Even though he's a good person, if he cant be faithful or true to himself in loving you than what's the point?
UnknowingOW Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I can tell you this from experience; if he is sleeping with another man this will continue for the rest of his life. My ex-h was exactly like this. I never knew. I found out 7-years into our marriage and confronted him immediately. You cannot live a double life it will tear you down as a person. My suggestion is to confront him with your discovery and move on no matter how much you love him. Please, for your own health and mental well-being, remove yourself from his life. Or you could be dealing with AIDS in the long-run. I don't have AIDS, but my ex-husband does. I could have contracted it too if I had ended the relationship 24-hours later then I did. Best of luck...you'll need it.
LakesideDream Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I hope you are actually a troll, and none of this is really happening. If it really is.... dump this guy! Don't even consider going through with the marriage. If he has "urges" he needs to fill with another male he isn't even worthy of consideration. Marriage is difficult enough without the extra added bonus of being married to a guy (or gal, if the roles reversed) that sings "YoHo YoHo, a Pirates Live for Me" in the shower. Then there is the ever present danger of disease. Male homosexuals are the most promiscous group of people extent. YOU KNOW what he may bring home to you. It's not pretty, it a long, lingering death. Rent a billboard in your town and announce that you will not be marrying _________ (insert name) as he is a part time gay man, who lied to you and cheated on you. Then print business cards that say... "Looking for a good man" .. peter puffers need not apply.
stillafool Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Drop him fast and be happy you found out now. You do not want to be his "beard" nor expose yourself to horrible diseases. He will not and cannot change. He is going through turmoil right now. Let him know you know and to "come out of the closet" and be who he is and not what society tells him he should be.
js44 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I would confront him. He may be having difficulty coming to grips with his sexuality. If he is gay, you want to move on now before you have a lot more invested.
IpAncA Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 I could have contracted it too if I had ended the relationship 24-hours later then I did. Talk about cutting it close.
Guest Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Thanks everyone for your input. I have yet another saga to this story now. I confronted him over the weekend on the letters that I found and the site I found his profile. His profile is full of lies - if I didn't know the name he was using, I would have never guessed it was him. Now, when I confronted him, he didn't get mad at me because I think he was genuinly concerned on my pain but.....he did tell me it is only on the internet and that he has not met any of these people and has no intention in meeting these people and it is all a game to him. He actually tells me he is using these people with the comment ' that's a shame isn't it?' right after. He gave me sooo much attention the next couple days after that that it makes me really want to believe him. I am disgusted by the thought of what he is doing even if there is no sex. I specifically pointed out one letter and all he said was - he wants a dom and that is why i talk to him like that....He seemd to have explained everything I saw - even though he doesn't know I saw all I saw.....and as disgusted as I am about 'the game' he says he is playing I guess I want to believe that is all it is......wow.....now that I am writing it all down, I guess I am as confused as ever!
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