old fwb has a gf... does he actually like her?

[my body is a cage]

Note: I originally posted this in the cheating, jealousy and flirting forum, but I realized this location may be more apropriate, so sorry for the double post.

 

 

I've liked this guy ever since we first hooked up in January, lets call him R, but I never trusted him as more than a 'friends with benefits' because he has had a past of being a 'bad boy.'

 

About two months ago, his best friend started telling me that R actually had feelings for me. During this time, R also started calling me every day to hang out with him and his friends. While I had feelings for R too, I didn't trust his intentions and started acting awkward, and not flirting with him.

 

Ultimately, R declared that he didn't like me because I don't go after what I want. His friend told me that he had said if I had gone after him, he woulnd't have stopped me, but I never did. I in turn also declared that I no longer liked him, even though I did.

 

Then, a week and a half ago, he randomly started dating this girl. He's never had an actual girlfriend before, and I do not say this out of bitterness, but this girl is nothing special. I suppose he finds her attractive, and she's a blonde which he likes, but the general consensus is that she is odd looking, and she also does not speak. She is completely passive, and he is able to control her.

 

Six days after they started dating, I was chilling with R and his friend, and all of a sudden R started coming on really strong to me. He was telling me that I was beutiful, telling me he didn't care about the relationship so why should I?, etc. At first I resisted, saying 'you can't have your cake and eat it too,' but, (after drinking a 40 ) I gave in.

 

Even though he wanted to keep it a secret, he ended up telling all of his friends, some of which responded very negatively.

 

I'm about to leave the country for a week to go to my grandmother's funeral, but I chilled him him and a few of his friends again last night. However, last night, his friend made references that we should hook up again, but this time he said, "no, I have a girlfriend, that I actually care about. I like her alot actually.' he also said things like, 'all I've been thinking about is *** lately.'

 

Now, I pretended that this didn't bother me, because I know being passive agressive would not have helped the situation, and we had a fun night. When I said goodbye to him he grabbed my chin and pulled it towards him, and I thought he was going to kiss me for real but he just kissed me on both cheeks.

 

I know he cares about me as a friend a lot, and I know he's attracted to me. He's always very flirtatious and sweet to me, and everyone says he likes me at least a little even though he said he doesn't anymore.

 

However, I feel hurt that while he was on the verge of dumping his girlfriend before because she doesn't speak, all of a sudden he actually cares about her. After he hooked up with me and knew that I care about him.

 

While I think he was playing games before, for SOME reason I think he's legitimate now when he says he cares about his girlfriend. (Now, I don't know why, since a. I'm hotter than her and b. she doesn't speak and is totally burnt out and smokes pot all day and goes to a school for people who failed regular school!!) The irritating bit is that he's actually being a good boyfriend now.

 

However, now that I think about it, a few days ago he was under the impression that I was trying to tell her about us to break up their relationship (even though everyone knows now) and I said to him, "I don't like you THAT much and I'm not trying to break up your relationship because I DON'T want to go out with you, ESPECIALLY after you cheated on your girlfriend after 6 days." hmm.

 

That day I was angry, because I was being accused of being manipulative and trying to sabatage his relationship when he was the one who was coming on really strong to me. He called me that afternoon and asked if I wanted to chill and I said, "Not really." He called an hour later and said, 'If you want to come over I have some beers for you." "Sorry, not gonna.""I have a show tonight if you want to come?" "Nah." THEN he called me at 11 and invited me to a party, then he called me twice at 2 15 AM, AND proceeded to wake me up by calling me at 9 50 AM, at which point I felt bad for being a bitch and relented to hanging out with him (in a state of half-slumber, have you).

 

 

Basically, my question is, what can I do in this situation? How can he like this girl over me? Is it actually possible that this relationship might last?

 

I know I should get over him, but now that I see that he actually is capable of having a relationship, I regret that I had absolutely no faith in him before. I also don't fall for many guys, and when I fall for them, I fall hard.

 

PS. Sorry if this sounds like petty teenage drama: R is 18, his friend is 20, I'm 17 but turn 18 in a month, and R's gf is 15 (ew.)

[stillafool]

Sounds like he likes her because she is 15, naive and looks up to him. He is not a good bf because if he were he wouldn't try to continue to sleep with you. He is basically having his cake and eating it too because you slept with him after you knew he had a gf. He is a player and more than likely knows you want him so he will continue to try to sleep with you. This guy is bad news and if you want him to respect you tell him you have no interest in getting together with him because he has a gf. Tell him to stop calling you to "hook up" until he breaks up with his gf.

[my body is a cage]

Sounds like he likes her because she is 15, naive and looks up to him. He is not a good bf because if he were he wouldn't try to continue to sleep with you. He is basically having his cake and eating it too because you slept with him after you knew he had a gf. He is a player and more than likely knows you want him so he will continue to try to sleep with you. This guy is bad news and if you want him to respect you tell him you have no interest in getting together with him because he has a gf. Tell him to stop calling you to "hook up" until he breaks up with his gf.

 

Yeah I literally told him you can't have your cake and eat it too, in those exact words, but then I was weak and gave in.

 

HOWEVER, I should have clarified... he doesn't call me just to hook up, he calls me to hang out as friends. I only hooked up with him once since he had his gf and then I told him I wasn't going to do that again pretty much, and even before that we would just spend time together every day and hook up once in a while.

 

Anyway, I have made the descision to spend less time with him while he has a gf.

[my body is a cage]

im very sad about this right now.

[sb129]

I am sorry you are sad.

 

But you might need to cut this guy out of your life right now.

 

I know he wants to be friends, but you want more, so as long as thats the case, you are going to end up getting hurt by him.

[sweetscarlet]

This guy is totally bad news. He's with that other girl because she'll put up with anything and he can get away with cheating....and he'll cheat on her again. She's naive, passive and he can fool her. And with you, he's already got you hooked and he knows it. He's cleverly playing the puppeteer now and you unfortunately are whom he chose as his puppets. I would cut those strings and run.