sex the 1st night...can the relationship still develop?

[LoveLace]

DDL - I'm sure not every man is the same as far as pursuit. That's what I've tried to remember when it comes to my new guy.

 

Everyone's making a big deal out of the fact that I don't care that he didn't call me 1st. I just think it's too little of a thing to stress about at this point, since he acted anxious to see me again. However, it isn't as though I want to continue being the initiator. My 1st phone call was basically to give him a boost and let him I am interested. I'm ready to leave the rest up to him. If we have sex again, I'll be paying more attention this time, so I will notice if he doesn't call again. At that point, I'll know what's up. In the mean time I'm getting some needs out of it...I'm 30, at my sexual peak, and it's done safely....so I don't think anything's wrong with it.

 

No matter what the case, I think its way too soon to judge how "into me" he really is or isn't...even though most guys might behave one way, it doesn't mean they all do. We'll hang out this weekend, and however he treats me from there on is what matters to ME. It'll be easier much easier to judge him then.

 

As for what Allina said, of course I'm being positive about this (so far) because I met a fun guy that wants to see me again. In my eyes, there is nothing to be negative about yet. Sex on the 1st night is questionable, but not necessarily "negative"....it'll never be negative cuz it was great sex! If I was anxious for him to call me from that day on, I would feel disappointed that he didn't. That would be a negative thing. But I barely even thought of the guy again until almost 2 weeks went by. Then I called, and he answered, so the current status is positive. But it could change at any moment!

[dropdeadlegs]

I wish I had great sex the first time. I've had a lot more so-so sex than great sex, especially the first time I'm with someone. While I have had a lot of ONS's, many were just, eh. Even when I really care about someone deeply it takes awhile for me to feel truly comfortable enough to "let my hair down" and I lacked a certain amount of self confidence, especially body confidence.

 

I have always enjoyed sex, but it didn't get great for me with any regularity until the last 5 years or so.

 

Kudos to you, though, LoveLace. I'm just jealous.

[LoveLace]

I know what you mean though DDL! But for some reason with this guy in particular...I just had no fear! I'd say we both did things that people might normally be too shy about the 1st time; I foresee a pretty good sexual relationship, as far as that goes! I also didn't feel too self-consious (however you spell that!) about my body, etc..somehow he made me feel pretty acceptable to him physically! And it turned out he looked hotter naked than I expected!

 

Now that I think about it...I've actually known several people to do the deed on the 1st meeting, and end up married...and are still married, with kids! Possibilities are endless these days.

[Teddy and Jane]

What I would do is, like you said, let him pursue. If he's really into you, he will. If not, he'll drop the ball again.

Also...I would seriously not sleep with him for a few weeks. Get to know him better, develop a relationship. That is if you want the real thing, if you want just a fling, do whatever you want.

[LoveLace]

What I would do is, like you said, let him pursue. If he's really into you, he will. If not, he'll drop the ball again.

Also...I would seriously not sleep with him for a few weeks. Get to know him better, develop a relationship. That is if you want the real thing, if you want just a fling, do whatever you want.

 

Well I'm not sure yet what I want out of this. I don't know about other people, but there have times when I think I like someone a lot when I meet them, then for some reason I don't like them as much the next time, and it goes back and forth..normal I think, in the beginning anyway. Anyway, if we're together this weekend, deep down I've already been thinking I hope we sleep together again! So maybe I'm already just using him and don't realize it. But if we hang out this weekend and I become more interested in a couple thing, it could actually suck, because he's only in town on weekends, and we've "done it" already, so if I suddenly say "lets' take it slow" - he'd probably be like, "uh-what?". And I already know I won't see him again for at least 3 weeks or more, cuz I don't have an ounce of free time again until then. So since I consider myself practically deprived sexually...I don't see myself having much will power!! (especially under the influence of alcohol!). Ah, the whole thing is probably just a recipe for a sex-only format.

 

I'm starting to become pessimistic all of a sudden, like watch him not even call this weekend, or whatever. But if we meet up, and sex comes up, I might have to ask about his intentions, cuz it's going to weigh heavily on mind, I'm sure. Cuz if I don't hear from his own mouth that he only wants sex, I might start assuming he really wants more and just feel let down in the end. If he only wants sex, at least I could enjoy that while it lasts, until I might finally meet someone else...but I'd be lying if I say that I won't feel angry if he doesn't call this weekend...all I said was "we will keep in touch"...neither of us said who would call who!

[mental_traveller]

Yes, there's no reason a relationship can't develop after sex on the first night. People have done that and then ended up together happily for the rest of their lives. Why would it be a problem?

[dropdeadlegs]

So, Lovelace, don't leave us hanging in suspense. Did you see him last weekend and if so, how did it feel?

 

Tie up the loose ends and then you're welcome to abandon the thread!

[LoveLace]

So, Lovelace, don't leave us hanging in suspense. Did you see him last weekend and if so, how did it feel?

 

Tie up the loose ends and then you're welcome to abandon the thread!

 

sorry DDl! I think have so many threads around here that I forget about some after while!

 

He called Friday and we hung out Friday night, along with a couple of his friends. They were very nice. Ryan was pretty drunk though, cuz by the time I met up with them, they had been drinking since his plane got in early that afternoon. I spent the night, and it was fun, sex wasn't as good this time as it was the 1st, for some reason. Anyhow, we both talked about hooking up Sat. too, but he didn't call, and I was too tired anyway. Plus, he's only in town on weekends- I don't expect him to make those 2 days home all about me. I also didn't want to make my whole weekend all about him. I also like to go out with friends, have a few drinks and a good time, but he gets a little over-the-top for me, I've noticed. Maybe its just because he's single...I'm willing to hang out again if he calls...but right now he's more right for fun, as opposed to Mr. Right.

 

Besides, I don't think I'll be capable of forming a true relationship with someone until things with my roommate are resolved. It'd be hard to fall in love with somebody while i'm in love with him, so to date other guys is just extra stress for the time being. Our lease is up August 1, when I'm supposed to move, so if nothing happens b/tween now and then, I'll move and hopefully get back to the environment where its easier to just focus on me. Thanks for askin' DDl!!

[allina]

 

He called Friday and we hung out Friday night, along with a couple of his friends. They were very nice. Ryan was pretty drunk though, cuz by the time I met up with them, they had been drinking since his plane got in early that afternoon. I spent the night, and it was fun, sex wasn't as good this time as it was the 1st, for some reason. Anyhow, we both talked about hooking up Sat. too, but he didn't call, and I was too tired anyway.

 

Eh, doesn't seem like he's put in much effort in to this. I don't think it's because you slept with him, but he seems like he just wants to get drunk and party. I think you're right in what you said about him being just a possibly fun guy and figuring out the roomie situation first.

[dropdeadlegs]

Besides, I don't think I'll be capable of forming a true relationship with someone until things with my roommate are resolved. It'd be hard to fall in love with somebody while i'm in love with him, so to date other guys is just extra stress for the time being. Our lease is up August 1, when I'm supposed to move, so if nothing happens b/tween now and then, I'll move and hopefully get back to the environment where its easier to just focus on me. Thanks for askin' DDl!!

Thanks for the update.

 

Okay, if this thing with your roommate doesn't get resolved by him making some kind of move or overture, are you going to broach the subject at some point before leaving? I can understand that you wouldn't want to live in an uncomfortable situation for months if he didn't share your feelings. Still, won't you always wonder "what if?" if you don't say something? I may not be up to snuff on the entire situation, but won't he be getting another roommate, or are you both moving out at that time?

 

Just thinking ahead, here. I would hate for him to be sharing your feelings but already obligated to a new roomie. Then again, maybe you should explore romantic feelings while living apart. I don't have the answers.

[LoveLace]

Oh definitely DDl, I plan to address the subject before really moving out. And I have an apt. lined up already (just around the corner..so we'd be "neighbors")...I plan to ask him, we say it "didn't work out" but, what was it we wanted to "work out" anyway? Neither of us are really planning on a new roommate. I miss things about living alone, just as much as I might miss living with him and the kids. He plans to get a better job and look for a house, so that he and his kids can have plenty of room, etc. It's his dream,to have a house...the thing that he asked me to do with him when we 1st decided to be roommates. So I also plan on asking him "why?", as far as that goes!

 

i get my dad's house, which is really nice, for Memorial weekends. The other night I jokingly told my RM that us and the kids could pack up and stay there for the weekend! His eyes lit up and he got all excited about the whole thing. I told him I think he'd enjoy himself there where its quiet and relaxing, etc. But I wouldn't let my excitement be as extreme as his, and I practically changed the subject. If it happens it'll be fun, but too fun, know what I mean? Lets have a family weekend and then not live together anymore...sounds good and sad if ya ask me! I question if he wants to do it for the "family" experience with me, or simply cuz he wants to stay at a nice house with a large TV for a free couple nights!

 

Then the very next night he had a girl over and she spent the night. Course he may think Ryan is my "boyfriend" now..(he asked me if he was my boyfriend when he heard talk about him, but I basically just said I don't know). I'm just exhausted from all this back-and-forth kind of signals he gives. So yea, there's no way I'll move out without telling him how I feel about him. I just won't do it with hopes that he'll reciprocate, it'll be more just to get it off my chest and to let him know I care.

[dropdeadlegs]

Good, LoveLace. I think it needs to come to light, and with an attitude of "what do I have to lose" you can't get TOO hurt. Not reciprocating might still sting a bit, but if that happens try to assure him that you can get over it and still be friends, if you can say that and mean it. I have had friends that revealed their feelings for me and they really did get over it and the friendship didn't crumble.

 

Memorial Day weekend sounds like it will be fun regardless of what goes down. It's just around the corner, too!