sex the 1st night...can the relationship still develop?

May 1, 2007

I expected that it would be one night stand. I had no intention of seeing him again, really. But we exchanged #'s. After a couple weeks, I thought about it more, and realized what a blast me and Ryan had together. I finally called him and he seemed pretty excited to hear from me. He informed that he took a new job that requires him to travel Mon-Friday, and it was mutual that we wanted to see each other when he's in town again (this coming weekend). He isn't the usualy type that I go for. My usual type is the very "manly" type, cocky, sexy, and sweet but still a "bad-boy" vibe. I usually want the guy that every other girl wants, for what ever reason. I always want the most emotionally-challenged guy; the handy man, the sports fan, etc...

Ryan is different. He's kind of "dorky", but I could probably get past it. When we met, we talked for 2-3 hours and had a lot in common. He's a business guy, but he isn't stuffy, he's funny, out-going, happy, ambitious. And the sex was pretty incredible...as though we already knew what each other liked...so I am excited to get to know him better; I am 30 yrs. old and I know that moving so fast isn't a good way to find a husband, but I wasn't exactly looking for a husband when I met the guy, anyway. I seized an opportunity to have some fun, and it turned out to be more fun than I expected. From our phone conversation, it seems that we are equally into each other at this point. And I like the fact that he travels for his job, because I'm very busy with nursing school myself. To only see each other on weekends would be perfect for me.

But of course the question is, can a decent relationship still develop after already sleeping together the 1st night? When I see him this weekend, we will be with a small group of people celebrating Cinqo de Mayo, so there will be drinking...I don't want this to become a weekend-drunk-sex only thing...should I discuss this with him?

May 1, 2007

Prolly a little bit early to have "the talk".

But I did read an article the other day (can't remember details) that said that sex on the first date isn't the "solid, longterm-relationship" killer alot of people think it is.

Wish I could remember more for you- sorry!

May 1, 2007

Your probably are right about "the talk" for sure...I will just have fun for now because it isn't like there are strong feelings there yet...just high interest...if it starts to seem we get more and more into each other, I guess the question of where we're going will naturally come later..thanks!

May 1, 2007

Women place way too much emphasis on the sex-on-the-first-date thing. If you like him so much then give it a shot and stop worrying.

May 1, 2007

Though I don't think sex on the first date has to be a killer I don't think it will lead to anything in this case except for maybe a booty call or two. He had her number but never called, and it's been a few weeks.

May 1, 2007

He had her number but never called, and it's been a few weeks.

Yeah, that means much more than when they boned down.

May 1, 2007

Though I don't think sex on the first date has to be a killer I don't think it will lead to anything in this case except for maybe a booty call or two. He had her number but never called, and it's been a few weeks.

I haven't placed much importance on the fact that he never called. When I left him the next morning, he kissed me before I got out of his car....unfortunately I'm experienced enough to say this rarely happens after a true 1 night stand...I've had guys just be like "yea, bye"...so when he kissed me, I was taken back and looked at him like, "wow, ok". In turn, there was a puzzled look on his face as well...as though he knew what i was thinking at the time, which was "I'll never really call this guy!" Probably explains why he hadn't called....however, I wasn't even thinking about it. I have a busy life, so I was never once hoping or waiting for his call. Therefore, his not calling makes no difference at this point.

When I called him, he out of town in a business meeting, and said he'd call me back. After some time went by, he texted me, "sorry...still in meeting..not ignoring you i promise"....then he texted me again as soon as he got to his hotel room. After that we talked and made plans to get together this weekend. The whole thing makes it seem as though he was happily surprised to hear from me.

May 1, 2007

I expected that it would be one night stand. I had no intention of seeing him again, really. But we exchanged #'s. After a couple weeks, I thought about it more, and realized what a blast me and Ryan had together. I finally called him and he seemed pretty excited to hear from me. He informed that he took a new job that requires him to travel Mon-Friday, and it was mutual that we wanted to see each other when he's in town again (this coming weekend). He isn't the usualy type that I go for. My usual type is the very "manly" type, cocky, sexy, and sweet but still a "bad-boy" vibe. I usually want the guy that every other girl wants, for what ever reason. I always want the most emotionally-challenged guy; the handy man, the sports fan, etc...

Sounds exactly like my story as well. We had sex on the first day and i felt, obviously it would end up being a one night stand. It didn't unfortuately, I would have preferred if it was. Reason being i wouldn't have been in the situation I am today.

Anyway, from the one night stand, we kind of developed and went on for about 9months without having the "talk". Problem was, i still had it at the back of my mind that "i went down on the first night" and it had a negetive effect on me. We went on strongly for about a year until i realised what mistake I had made, and that i should have left a long time ago. gradually, we started falling apart and i realised suddenly that he didn't see me the way i thought. I realised we were stangers although the sex was awsome. anyway, am out of it now and i've learnt from experience and i can never make the same mistake.

Just thought i might advise you that having the "talk" is never early when it comes to a one night stand issue.

May 1, 2007

The answers will only come in time. Contacting him seems to have been a good decision. He seemed sincerely interested in you when he let you know that the meeting was running long.

Don't worry about the first date sex. I don't think that has as much impact as people give it. If that reflects badly on you, what does it say about him? He fell into bed on the first date, too. You're even.

See him this weekend and see how it feels. If he travels on weekdays, I would expect to have some phone calls during the week and seeing him pretty regularly on weekends. If he doesn't maintain contact during the week but wants to see you every Saturday, then I would question his intentions. I think it is too soon to have any talks or relationship discussions, you barely know each other.

May 1, 2007

I expected that it would be one night stand. I had no intention of seeing him again, really. But we exchanged #'s. After a couple weeks, I thought about it more, and realized what a blast me and Ryan had together. I finally called him and he seemed pretty excited to hear from me. He informed that he took a new job that requires him to travel Mon-Friday, and it was mutual that we wanted to see each other when he's in town again (this coming weekend). He isn't the usualy type that I go for. My usual type is the very "manly" type, cocky, sexy, and sweet but still a "bad-boy" vibe. I usually want the guy that every other girl wants, for what ever reason. I always want the most emotionally-challenged guy; the handy man, the sports fan, etc...

My story is a bit like yours. We had sex on the first night. I thought It would end up a one night stand but unfortunately it didn't. He wasn't so much of my type either. I'm saying this because I thought the relationship had developed but it went for bout a year.(talk about a prolonged one night stand). Anytime i tried to initiate the "talk", he'd come up with something else and then he'd tell he didn't feel it as a bad idea we had sex on the first day and that we just "clicked" . Deep down in my mind i wasn't comfortable with the whole thing coz i knew we didn't have a good foundation. Slowly, he had become less interested in me and I realised we had not much in common (the sex was awsome though). Suddenly his work became demanding(so he said) and sometimes he'd have to work late and we woudn't have time to spend together. If i had known it'll end up that way I would have accepted it was a fling and moved on but no, i didn't want to coz i was getting emotionly attached to him. Things started going sour and sometimes he would go for bout 2weeks without contacting me.

Anyway its all over now, and i've moved on what am trying to say is that its never too early to initiate "the talk" when it come to a one night stand issue. Just thought my short might save you from heart break and tears when its all over. Sorry for being so blunt.

May 1, 2007

But of course the question is, can a decent relationship still develop after already sleeping together the 1st night?

yes it can, now a days it don't matter when u have sex

May 2, 2007

He informed that he took a new job that requires him to travel Mon-Friday, and it was mutual that we wanted to see each other when he's in town again (this coming weekend).

Is anyone else thinking "married man" ?

Mr. Lucky

May 2, 2007

It's no big deal. My husband and I met, the next weekend went out to a party for our first date, got really drunk and had amazing sex. Admittedly our connection was chemisty mostly, the rest came with time, but it's been 5 years and we're happy (and still have sex a lot) . So it can work out just fine, just go with it and see what happens!

I expected that it would be one night stand. I had no intention of seeing him again, really. But we exchanged #'s. After a couple weeks, I thought about it more, and realized what a blast me and Ryan had together. I finally called him and he seemed pretty excited to hear from me. He informed that he took a new job that requires him to travel Mon-Friday, and it was mutual that we wanted to see each other when he's in town again (this coming weekend). He isn't the usualy type that I go for. My usual type is the very "manly" type, cocky, sexy, and sweet but still a "bad-boy" vibe. I usually want the guy that every other girl wants, for what ever reason. I always want the most emotionally-challenged guy; the handy man, the sports fan, etc...

Ryan is different. He's kind of "dorky", but I could probably get past it. When we met, we talked for 2-3 hours and had a lot in common. He's a business guy, but he isn't stuffy, he's funny, out-going, happy, ambitious. And the sex was pretty incredible...as though we already knew what each other liked...so I am excited to get to know him better; I am 30 yrs. old and I know that moving so fast isn't a good way to find a husband, but I wasn't exactly looking for a husband when I met the guy, anyway. I seized an opportunity to have some fun, and it turned out to be more fun than I expected. From our phone conversation, it seems that we are equally into each other at this point. And I like the fact that he travels for his job, because I'm very busy with nursing school myself. To only see each other on weekends would be perfect for me.

But of course the question is, can a decent relationship still develop after already sleeping together the 1st night? When I see him this weekend, we will be with a small group of people celebrating Cinqo de Mayo, so there will be drinking...I don't want this to become a weekend-drunk-sex only thing...should I discuss this with him?

May 2, 2007

Is anyone else thinking "married man" ?

Mr. Lucky

Not married, but divorced. And I did go to his house, which was definitely a bachelor pad, I can tell ya that much! But I also know his sister, and I saw her before I even called him, she informed me that he was out of town for his job. I'm not sure that she knows what we did but she acts excited about he and I hitting it off (she introduced us). But I got the full story when I spoke to him myself and he explained that he will keep his home here, but has to go to Memphis Mon. - Friday where he has an office. That just doesn't bother me though, cuz I work full-time and I'm a full-time nursing student - I don't have time for a relationship on week days anyway!

And I agree sweetestaboo, in a 1 night-stand situation, the talk should be ok to have anytime...I mean if you have sex with somebody you should be able to have a serious conversation with them! I'll see if we have a blast together this time like last time, and maybe it'll come up then. However, if we agree to keep seeing each other, I realize I'm looking at a weekend-only thing (and not even every weekend)...and practically a long-distance thing, even though his home is here. But he's not intending to live there forever, and I have over a year left of school, so who knows what could happen! I would like having the weekends to look forward to, and it sounds exciting to talk on the phone while we're a part and say we miss each other! Ok that's jumping the gun a bit, but hey!

May 2, 2007

I slept with my husband on the first date.

Our marriage isn't that strong right now though, so I might not be a great shining example. We've been together six years, married going on four.

May 2, 2007

Sorry to hear about your troubles My fair Katie. But do you believe the problems in the marriage are a result of sleeping together on the 1st date? I mean, being years later and all, perhaps the same conflicts can develop, regardless of when the 2 people had sex for the 1st time...thanks for your input!

May 2, 2007

yes it can, now a days it don't matter when u have sex

I agree with Alpha..

May 2, 2007

Not married, but divorced. And I did go to his house, which was definitely a bachelor pad, I can tell ya that much!

Is his divorce final ? or is he just separated

and if it is final.. then how long ago was his divorce final ?

To me the length of time after a divorce becomes final is more of a factor to whether or not a relationship will develop after having sex on the first date..

If he is recently divorced then the likely hood goes wayyyyyyyy down

May 2, 2007

I actually don't know how recent the divorce is, but the impression I got from conversation is that it's been at least a year or 2. I could be wrong, but that's what I got out of it. It definitely doesn't appear that the divorce is fresh or not final. Regardless though, he seems like he's a pretty happy guy, happy with himself and his life. That makes me assume that the divorce must have been long enough ago for him to get over it, move on, whatever. I understand what your saying though ArtCritic, because a lot of times people get divorced and go on a "sex rampage" of sorts and just start sleeping with people for fun, to help them get over it.

He didn't get into the cause of the divorce though, which makes me wonder. They don't have any children. I know the causes of divorce could be an endless list of possibilities. But I intend to find out more about this if I grow to like him more. I mean, if he cheated on his wife or something, that would be a reason to stay away! However, it could just be that they didn't get along anymore. Even then, it makes me question, what did he do to piss her off?! Perhaps if it feels right I'll ask him more about it this weekend.

May 2, 2007

Sorry to hear about your troubles My fair Katie. But do you believe the problems in the marriage are a result of sleeping together on the 1st date? I mean, being years later and all, perhaps the same conflicts can develop, regardless of when the 2 people had sex for the 1st time...thanks for your input!

Sorta, we rushed exclusivity, we rushed getting engaged. The normal tempo was out of whack. I think some people may be able to manage it, we have not. Plus my husband has always been a "serial monogamist." It's pretty all or nothing with him.

I figured we'd be a one night stand. Six years later, I can say I was wrong. It's been known to happen... on occassion.

May 2, 2007

Sorta, we rushed exclusivity, we rushed getting engaged. The normal tempo was out of whack. I think some people may be able to manage it, we have not. Plus my husband has always been a "serial monogamist." It's pretty all or nothing with him.

I figured we'd be a one night stand. Six years later, I can say I was wrong. It's been known to happen... on occassion.

Well, it sounds like you were married 2 years after being together...at what point were you engaged? Because 2 years to me doesn't exactly seem like "rushing"...too soon maybe but not rushing...well 2 years seems like enough to know if you want to stay with them..but maybe not...does one or both of you regret moving quickly? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions..just curious

May 2, 2007

Well, it sounds like you were married 2 years after being together...at what point were you engaged? Because 2 years to me doesn't exactly seem like "rushing"...too soon maybe but not rushing...well 2 years seems like enough to know if you want to stay with them..but maybe not...does one or both of you regret moving quickly? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions..just curious

Feel free to PM me. It's way too much to get into here.

Point is, it's possible for a relationship to develop even after you have sex on the first date.

May 2, 2007

But of course the question is, can a decent relationship still develop after already sleeping together the 1st night?

I think the more relevant question is, can sex still develop after the advent of a relationship. Sex tends to peak early. You should take advantage of that.

May 2, 2007

I think the more relevant question is, can sex still develop after the advent of a relationship. Sex tends to peak early. You should take advantage of that.

Not sure I understand. The sex with him was very good. Are you saying I should take advantage and at least just have sex with him, or are you saying that good sex is an inicator of what could be a good relationship?

May 2, 2007

, or are you saying that good sex is an inicator of what could be a good relationship?

That's a bit dangerous. I'm saying to keep an open mind about what sex means from each of your perspectives. Don't overplay it.

And don't underplay it... although one could ask about the degree of "trust" that you share at this point. Chill, and go with the flow.

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sex the 1st night...can the relationship still develop?

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