oannamarie Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 I was raped about 14 years ago and having been living with the pain since. I recently saw my rapist and now I can't stop thinking about him. I want to find him to try and seduce him. Why? Is this normal? Am I crazy. He was someone I knew before the rape. It was date rape. I am married. I want to talk to my husband about it but am affraid how he will react.
JackJack Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Wow...first off let me say I'm really sorry that happened to you. No you're not crazy. Have you talked with a therapist about this back when all this first happened? If not, you need to do so now, and even if you have, you might still need to talk with one again, and tell them what you have said here and how you're feeling. What do you mean you're afraid of your husbands reaction? Do you think he will get mad or not believe you?
Author oannamarie Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 I didnt speak to a counselor when it initally happened. I told my mother and she said I deserved it. She wasnt the best mother. I was going to counseling but I have never stayed long enough with any particular counseling to really benefit from it. I cant seem to find one I like and I dont like brining all this up. I just recently quit counseling about two weeks ago. I seemed like I was going crazy. I had to discuss things I have been trying to forget about for years. The only reason I went this time was because my husband and I were seeing her for marriage counseling and she stated that I have PTSD from the rape and I should be seen seperately. I did it hoping it would help my marriage but it seemed to make me worse. She did say however that I would get worse before I would get better but I couldnt handle it. My husband would probably get mad because I am thinking about sex with someone else. He knows I was raped.
JackJack Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Oh I'm so sorry, the whole thing sounds awful. I know its not something you care to deal with and is painful, but sometimes we must dig into the bad, deep stuff before we can see the light on anything. I hope blind otter, sees the post. I think she would be very helpful to you, and shed some light on this issue.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 When you get raped, your control is taken away from you. I expect your desire to seduce him comes more out of a subconscious need to regain that control by being the agressor rather than any particular desire to simply have sex with him.
Author oannamarie Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 I try to look at things in a different way as far as seducing him. I know that it is probably the need for control. I try to use this feeling toward my husband with sexual acts but it doesnt seem to satisfy the urge. I am scare that if I see him again I may try to do something and I dont want to damage my marriage or be hurt by the other man again. Me wanting to be in control is really taking over me. It is all I think about. I have schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist but the earliest appointment I could get wasnt until June 18th. I feel as though I cant control myself anymore and seem to have become obsessed with these thoughts. I often think of other men and having encounters with them where I am in control. I also believe that I am not satisfied when using the urges toward my husband because he is a controlling person. He controlls alot of what I can and cant do.
AFarAwayPlace Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 oannamarie, please do not go near this man, he's done it once so he can very well do it again, imagine the pain, reliving the rape if he tries it again? He's a creep and made it clear it's in him to rape, so why not again? If you see him, turn and go the other way, it's not worth the risk.
Quinch Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 It's your life and you have control. You have the power to make the choice not to see him again and not to get hurt. Nothing good can come of finding this man.
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