I finally found him...the angels sing....BUT...

[trigger]

(No, I'm not a first time poster, but I forgot my original username and password.)

 

So I met this new guy. We've had 4 dates over the last month. It's been magical and cataclysmic and amazing. He's really beautiful and incredible and he thinks I am too. He feels like the home I've been looking for all my life.

 

What I'm about to say will probably sound like romantic mush-mush goobledy-gook to most people. If I read myself saying this, before I met him, I would have told myself that I'm full of crap and should come back down to earth. I always thought this was just what people said to themselves after they got married to make their falling-in-love story sound more romantic than it actually was.

 

But, then it happened to me.

 

I felt, from the very start, beyond a doubt, with utmost certainty, that this is the man I am going to marry. I never even believed in marriage, was pretty much okay with the idea of being the kind of person who's not meant to be in a relationship. Or course, I often wonder if I'm idealizing him, or if my mind is playing tricks on me, or if I'm over-romanticizing, or what not. I keep telling myself there's no way, you can't really know this kinda thing until you've been with someone for a long time and dealt with the day-to-day and the ups and the downs and all that.

 

But it's true. This is it. This is magic. I can't really explain it. I just know.

 

I am 32 years old and I am no naive maiden, and I'm not looking for a handsome knight in armour who will fall in love with me at first sight and happy-ever-after and all that garbage. I have finally reached a point, FINALLY, after much experience and heartbreak and deathly pain and anguish, where I feel good about myself and where I'm going, and I know what I want in a man and what I don't, and I'm really ready for the real thing. The real kind of love. I found what I want. There he is.

 

So, that said, herein lies the rub.

 

Something happened, or he found out something upsetting, about his ex at some point between our 2nd and 3rd date. I think he found out she was dating someone else, maybe. He wrote a blog post at this time that pretty much said that, though his writing is so poetic that it's not completely clear or spelled out. I am pretty sure, though, that she cheated on him. Regardless, something really abrupt and traumatic happened between them.

 

He and I have not had sex, which is good. The first 2 dates it was me who wanted to wait (though he made it clear he didn't want to go too fast for me), but on the 3rd, when we were at that "should we or shouldn't we?" moment, and after I told him that I really liked him, he sighed, pulled away and began to speak.

 

He explained to me, very clearly, that he had thought he was over his ex, but then realized he wasn't. And he knew that if we had sex that he would've freaked out, and he didn't want to do that to me. "I'm not 100% there." he said. So I told him, yes, I'd rather have him 100% there than even 95%. I don't want part of a man. "It's like a mental illness," he says. In a moment of weakness I said "There had to be SOMETHING wrong." He looked at me kind of stunned: "With me?" I nodded. "Aw, come here..." Then he held me.

 

I told him it was okay, that there was no need to rush anything. "That's all I'm saying," he said. I told him I totally understand what he's going through, which I do. Breakups are really really rough for me, and it takes me forever to get over them, and I told him this. He's a lot like me, very sensitive and emotional, so I know he's in immense amount of pain. Makes me sad to think about, because he's so lovely. He shouldn't have to hurt like that.

 

So I'm fine with taking it easy. Actually, almost glad. It gives me a chance to savor all the beautiful moments we've had so far. It allows me to have that bittersweet "crush" phase, which was totally lacking in my last relationship. When I met him, I had JUST truly gotten over my ex and wasn't even looking for anything remotely serious, so I've been trying to remember that. I was just looking for something fun and casual when I decided to go out with him. So I'm okay with taking things slow.

 

The 4th date we went out for lunch. It was great, of course. He even suggested a couple of summer plans for us including a possible road trip. When he dropped me off he insisted on continuing our conversation from the previous date. I like that he's the one initiating this conversation, that he wants to be honest with me, but more importantly, with himself. He explained that he knew himself well enough to know that if he got involved with me now he would be an "absentee boyfriend" and that it wouldn't be fair to me. True, it would be unfair, and under no circumstances will I put myself in that situation, because I know first hand how much it can suck out of you. I will not be 2nd to a ghost of a memory, and I am not rebound material.

 

I told him again that it was okay, I smiled, I told him I understood, that I wasn't even looking for anything in the first place. He seems to feel pretty bad about himself because of the fact that he's still not over her after 3 months. There have been a couple of other clues that point to the fact that he doesn't feel great about himself at the moment - she must have really really hurt him bad. I really wish I could take his pain for him, but I can't; I'm helpless.

 

I told him that 3 months wasn't long at all. 3 months is nothing! But he said "But we weren't even together that long." (I think they were together maybe no longer than a couple months) "But I had know her for years, and we were really close, and it ended really badly. I like you and I'd really like to continue to see you and hang out with you, but I don't think you should have to wait for me to figure out what my problem is. It's really up to you, though, but is it okay with you if we continue to hang out?"

 

"Of course!" I said. The date ended with a hug. No kissing.

 

That last date was 1.5 weeks ago. I have not heard from him since. I know he's been moving; his roommate moved out because she got engaged, so he had to leave the house, too. He's going to stay with his family for a few weeks to help out his brother who is severely depressed and to save a bit of money so he can buy a place. I know he doesn't get along with his mother or his brother very well. And I know he's sad to move out of the house he's been living in; it was beautiful, and, I'm sure, filled with many bittersweet memories. I hope he's alright. He must really be going through some stuff. He hasn't even looked at my myspace profile though he's online everyday (waaahhhhh....I know....I'm 12.)

 

I feel sad that he has not attempted to contact me in so long, not even a quick "hello". I have not once initiated contact with him since I met him, except when I sent him a short text message asking if he was all moved out yet this past Friday. He wrote me back, but not with any sort of hint that he wanted to see me at some point in the future.

 

I could wait forever for this man, I have all the patience in the world for him. I want a man that is a whole man, not half a man with a diseased heart, so however much time he needs is fine with me. I don't feel desperate or jealous in the least, but this is excruciating, and I feel so helpless and I am beginning to doubt myself. It can't be possible that he's just forgotten about me altogether, right? He's just got too much to deal with right now, right? Did he suddenly decide he lost interest in me? Are my feelings tricking me? Am I psychotic? What? What?

 

In the meantime I'm still living my life and I'm pretty happy. Happier than I've ever been, actually. I may even date some other people, maybe for perspective or whatever, though it kinda feels like I'm just going through the motions. But I gotta keep on keeping on, yeah?

 

But god do I pine away for him at night. I've had severe insomnia for a month now.

 

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here...some words of wisdom, some advice on how to handle myself, should I contact him or not? Just let him be? Move on a forget about him? Should I go out and get "He's Just Not That Into You" because I'm just deluded? Did I jinx myself?

 

Even a story from one of you who's been in a similar situation, either in my shoes or his.

 

Anything would be appreciated, really.

 

Thank you for reading this. This is way longer than I wanted it to be.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I could wait forever for this man

 

And given time, you would still be waiting when 'forever' passed its expiration date. Its pretty apparent that he decided early on that this relationship wasn't going to go anywhere and he backed out slowly, and when he had the opportunity, he didn't just back away - he turned around and ran.

 

Ran from you specifically? Not likely. Ran from the type of relationship he sensed that you wanted? Most likely. Sex would have sealed the deal with you, and he simply wasn't up to that sort of deal right now. I actually respect him more for that, than if he slept with you and then bolted.

 

I don't know that its a sudden loss of interest - its apparent that he liked you, but it is also apparent that he isn't in the market for a relationship right now. He isn't even trying to keep you in his life at this point - that's how far he would go to avoid a relationship. His silence says it louder than anything anyone here could tell you.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't contact him. If he contacts you, don't ask "where have you been, why haven't you called, don't you care for me, etc". Just be happy to hear from him, and see where it goes. He may be playing way, way, way on the side of caution - but I wouldn't keep my hopes up too much. It sounds like he is moving on to deal with all the stuff in his life he has going on right now, and you will want to consider the same.

[Kamille]

I can relate. and I really don't know what to tell you. Of course each situation is different and in the end it's all a matter of fate I believe.

 

I met a guy last summer. It felt magical. the connection was out of this world. His ex, whom he had told me he was having a hard time getting over, decided that she wanted a second chance. He was horribly confused, didn't know how to sort himself out, told me he couldn't be there for me, no matter how much he wished he was strong enough. It took me so long to get over him. I really felt like I was losing it. But I am finally feeling better.

 

So advice number one: be patient with yourself. Accept and realize that even though he didn't mean to hurt you (in fact he probably meant to protect you), the situation is unfair to you and you are allowed to feel sad, angry, whatever. What was hard for me was realizing that I was all alone in the pain I was feeling. He could not and did not want to support me through it. (And this is where LS was a saving grace ).

 

Do appreciate what you shared with him. Yes it was magical. No he wasn't ready. Who knows what this means! I remember, at the time, reading that we have more then one soulmates in life, and that sometimes some of them are just there to teach us something about ourselves. You are the person he saw in you. Focus on feeling this love for yourself on your own.

 

Right now you are most likely not ready to move on from hoping he will come back into your life. The fact of the matter is, fate probably has something or someone else in store for you.

 

I went through a period of thinking that, if anything, that encounter had made me realize that when I did decide to build a life with someone, it would be fantastic. Because I now knew how amazing a connection could feel.

 

And at 32 there is much life ahead. You don't know when or if your paths will cross again.

 

Good luck! I wish you the best!

 

K

[dropdeadlegs]

I had a magical 7 weeks before I heard a similar revelation about the ex. They had been broken up for 3 months after a long, and somewhat tumultuous relationship of 6 years. I, too, felt that magical connection.

 

I didn't choose to be with him while he figured out everything. I was afraid to invest my emotions based on the risk. I dated two other men, but couldn't get "the" man out of my thoughts. I maintained some contact, and so did he. Too much contact at first, and then I let him have the time and space to make his own decision. I even encouraged him to try again with the ex, but he didn't do that. She was his ex for a reason and I think he knew that in his mind, but his heart was having trouble making the break.

 

After 3 months of this agony, he asked me out for New Years Eve and we have been together for nearly 2.5 years. There is no ghost memory to contend with.

 

In a sense I waited for him, but I didn't put life on hold. The men I dated were nice, but they didn't compare in that magical way. I was pretty much just going through the motions of moving on, but I wasn't really moving at all.

 

I suggest giving him some time while in some way letting him know that you are still very interested. Limited contact to say "hi how are you" but being unavailable in a physical sense.

 

I hope you get the results I did because I still feel the same magic every day.

[sunshinegirl]

Aw, hon, sorry things have taken this turn for you. I had that magical connection a few years ago - felt the same certainty that I had met who I was going to marry. It wasn't giddy, ridiculous "love at first sight," but a deep-in-my-bones certainty that I had met TheOne for me. I could have written your first few paragraphs myself.

 

I have never been so crushed as when he broke up with me 7 months later. I have no happy ending to my story with him: he married someone else 4 months ago.

 

But my happy ending is that I eventually, eventually got over him. Learned to put less trust in those immediate, gut reactions, learned to appreciate a moment for what it is and not project a lifetime onto it.

 

And I am now dating someone who makes me really happy and secure. So just know that there will be life after this guy, should it ultimately end badly.

 

Best wishes.

[trigger]

 

You are the person he saw in you. Focus on feeling this love for yourself on your own.

 

K

 

Kamille, that was so wonderfully stated. This is what I have been doing, and exactly what I intend to keep doing regardless of what does or does not happen.

[trigger]

I had a magical 7 weeks before I heard a similar revelation about the ex. They had been broken up for 3 months after a long, and somewhat tumultuous relationship of 6 years. I, too, felt that magical connection.

 

I didn't choose to be with him while he figured out everything. I was afraid to invest my emotions based on the risk. I dated two other men, but couldn't get "the" man out of my thoughts. I maintained some contact, and so did he. Too much contact at first, and then I let him have the time and space to make his own decision. I even encouraged him to try again with the ex, but he didn't do that. She was his ex for a reason and I think he knew that in his mind, but his heart was having trouble making the break.

 

After 3 months of this agony, he asked me out for New Years Eve and we have been together for nearly 2.5 years. There is no ghost memory to contend with.

 

In a sense I waited for him, but I didn't put life on hold. The men I dated were nice, but they didn't compare in that magical way. I was pretty much just going through the motions of moving on, but I wasn't really moving at all.

 

I suggest giving him some time while in some way letting him know that you are still very interested. Limited contact to say "hi how are you" but being unavailable in a physical sense.

 

I hope you get the results I did because I still feel the same magic every day.

 

Thank you so much for your response....sounds so much like my situation.

 

My heart is certain but my head is all over the frickin' place, which makes this so tough.

 

I will probably always have faith, however absurd, but I cannot let that faith keep me closed off from whatever else the world has to offer me right now. My life is good right now, I don't want this agony to stunt me or close me off from what I have going on, or what I could have going on.

 

I'm so glad to hear that it worked out for you, and it's so lovely to hear that you have that magic, and that you get to experience it everyday and feel secure about it. You must feel very grateful towards the universe everyday -- you are sooo lucky.

 

I can only hope that will happen for me, too, but I don't think that I can afford to count my chickens right now.

[trigger]

 

....learned to appreciate a moment for what it is and not project a lifetime onto it.

 

 

Well stated -- I haven't been daydreaming about married life with him, or all the travels we will experience together, or what our child would look like or how this summer will be amazing or anything like that, because that is just definitely idealizing everything.

 

There really is something to be said about appreciating a moment for what it is, and it's taken me many years to get to the point where I can do this.

 

I am doing my best to take this situation and his words at face value, and not read anything into them, not analyze them, not expect anything.

[annabelle75]

I completely understand your frustration of meeting a guy that you really deep down believe is the one and then just having him walk away from you. Wether he on some other later date decides he would like to give it another chance is really a mute point. At this moment in time he doesn't want to be with you. If he did, he would be.

 

Earlier this year I sat down and read an awesome book by the name of He Just Isn't That Into You by Greg Behrendt,Liz Tuccillo. I honestly believe it is a must read for every single woman out there trying to date these days. It really opened my eyes to why men act the way they do. In your situation, I really think it could help you understand what is going on with him right now.

 

I'm not ruling out the possibility that he may come back to you in the future, but the fact that he hasn't even called you since your last date shows that he doesn't feel the same connection with you that you felt with him. If he did, he wouldn't let anything stand in the way of being with you (especially the memory of a girl he only dated for a few months).

[trigger]

 

His silence says it louder than anything anyone here could tell you.

 

 

 

I appreciate your bluntness. Pretty much the same thing my best friend said.

 

"His silence is your answer."

 

So, I will take that at face value.

 

What will be will be, I have no control over it.

[trigger]

 

Earlier this year I sat down and read an awesome book by the name of He Just Isn't That Into You by Greg Behrendt,Liz Tuccillo. I honestly believe it is a must read for every single woman out there trying to date these days. It really opened my eyes to why men act the way they do. In your situation, I really think it could help you understand what is going on with him right now.

 

 

Haha, see the end of my first post at the top.

 

I'm not ruling out the possibility that he may come back to you in the future, but the fact that he hasn't even called you since your last date shows that he doesn't feel the same connection with you that you felt with him. If he did, he wouldn't let anything stand in the way of being with you (especially the memory of a girl he only dated for a few months).

Hmm, I dunno. I know that if I just got out of a relationship where I was suddenly and awfully betrayed by someone I really loved, I wouldn't be able to see straight. And I would be TERRIFIED of getting involved with another girl, and I would have serious problems trusting anyone for a long, long time. Hence, I may avoid getting involved with anyone. No matter how awesome and perfect a new guy I met might be. Few months or few years together doesn't matter, imo -- it's really relative to the person experiencing the loss. And you don't just "magically" get over your ex just because you found someone new.

 

Not that any of that really matters as far as I'm concerned right now.

 

Wether he on some other later date decides he would like to give it another chance is really a mute point. At this moment in time he doesn't want to be with you. If he did, he would be.

Yes, I agree. Again, keeping everything in present tense, taking things at face value, how they stand now.

[dropdeadlegs]

My entire story with the similar connection is too long to post, but I want to throw some things out for consideration. Of course, my thoughts are tainted by my outcome since I only have my own experience to draw from.

 

Patience is not really one of my virtues, and competing for a man is not my style at all. However, this may not be a competition at all. If his ex is dating someone else, it may be "over" for them on her side.

 

Does he know that you feel this strong "knowledge" that he is right for you? I made that very clear in my own case. I now know that it worked in my favor. I sent my man some letters explaining how much I cared. I have read those letters since that time and I didn't come off as desperate, just confused that I thought we both felt the magic and I was dumbfounded that simply seeing his ex at a local store could have negated the feelings we shared. After the letters, I let things settle. Then I would send a "thinking of you" card every few weeks to let him know that while I wasn't sitting at home pining for him, I was still interested in him. He has told me that had I just given up completely he might not have believed in the connection. He also knew that I was dating others.

 

While I was hurt that he wasn't able to get over the ex, I also appreciated the honesty he shared with me. Something about the situation told me "I want to be loved like that" and I saw that he was capable of that kind of love, the kind that doesn't end overnight. He didn't lead me on and certainly didn't hurt me on purpose. I had known him for many years so I knew he was a good person, not some kind of player. He feels emotions deeply, and so do I. He was feeling a lack of closure in his relationship because it kind of fizzled out instead of having a clear ending. She wanted to get married, and he just couldn't marry her. He may never marry again, but that's fine with me.

 

Your man sounds like a kind person. He probably could have slept with you had he really wanted to, but he didn't, and that says good things to me. I think he is very confused and needs more time to process that last relationship before moving on. If more people would do that less people would be hurt badly. I see his actions as positive instead of negative. In a few weeks or months he might be ready for you. I don't think that means you have to wait around for the phone to ring, but maybe you could keep your heart open to him while still having a life. I know I couldn't have shut my heart down if I had tried.

 

A week and a half of silence doesn't seem like a long time to me. The door to communication swings both ways. If he was badly hurt by the ex, that sometimes makes it harder to get over, harder to trust even your own judgment. I don't think his silence is his answer, I think he just doesn't know what his answers are right now. By not calling you I think he IS protecting you because he does not want to lead you into thinking he is ready for anything YET. That doesn't mean he won't be soon, though.

 

When I consider the 3 months of uncertainty compared to the nearly 2.5 years of happiness, I wouldn't hesitate to cry the same tears all over again to achieve the wonderful outcome. It was all worth it.

[trigger]

Does he know that you feel this strong "knowledge" that he is right for you? I made that very clear in my own case. I now know that it worked in my favor. I sent my man some letters explaining how much I cared. I have read those letters since that time and I didn't come off as desperate, just confused that I thought we both felt the magic and I was dumbfounded that simply seeing his ex at a local store could have negated the feelings we shared. After the letters, I let things settle. Then I would send a "thinking of you" card every few weeks to let him know that while I wasn't sitting at home pining for him, I was still interested in him. He has told me that had I just given up completely he might not have believed in the connection. He also knew that I was dating others.

 

No, I haven't told him he's the "one", not like that anyway. I told him I liked him A LOT, in a very passionate manner, but that's it. And that's when he told me about him not being over his ex.

 

Though if he reads my blog posts he might get an idea, though I say nothing directly and do not specifically refer to him. I'm afraid he'd bolt if I ever said anything like that directly to him. Doesn't seem like the right time for him to be able to process that information.

 

You sent letters....did he respond? I am terrified of sending a "Hey how are you message" and not getting a response or coming off as annoying or him interpreting anything I say as pressure, whether it's there or not. Too many bad past experiences for me to risk it.

 

While I was hurt that he wasn't able to get over the ex, I also appreciated the honesty he shared with me. Something about the situation told me "I want to be loved like that" and I saw that he was capable of that kind of love, the kind that doesn't end overnight. He didn't lead me on and certainly didn't hurt me on purpose. I had known him for many years so I knew he was a good person, not some kind of player. He feels emotions deeply, and so do I. He was feeling a lack of closure in his relationship because it kind of fizzled out instead of having a clear ending. She wanted to get married, and he just couldn't marry her. He may never marry again, but that's fine with me.

 

I feel the same way. I love him even more for his honesty, and even more on top of that for his ability to love so deeply. I don't feel jealous about it in the least. Just a tenderness towards him and an understanding (maybe too much?) of what he's going through, because I was there myself not so long ago.

 

Your man sounds like a kind person. He probably could have slept with you had he really wanted to, but he didn't, and that says good things to me. I think he is very confused and needs more time to process that last relationship before moving on. If more people would do that less people would be hurt badly. I see his actions as positive instead of negative. In a few weeks or months he might be ready for you. I don't think that means you have to wait around for the phone to ring, but maybe you could keep your heart open to him while still having a life. I know I couldn't have shut my heart down if I had tried.

 

He IS kind. Very kind. And he's shown more concern for my welfare than for his own so far. (For example, he once he offered to run through the rain to get an umbrella for me so I wouldn't have to walk the 10ft. to his car in the rain, if that gives you an idea.) And he's a MAN, in the behavioral/emotional-intelligence/respect sense, not a boy who's only interested in himself. He sacrificed immediate gratification for something bigger than that, and for this he earns my respect.

 

I will continue to have a life, what else can I do? The agony is near unbearable though, not knowing if I'll ever hear from him again. I'm in contact with another potential date-person, but I'm just like "eh" towards it.

 

A week and a half of silence doesn't seem like a long time to me. The door to communication swings both ways. If he was badly hurt by the ex, that sometimes makes it harder to get over, harder to trust even your own judgment. I don't think his silence is his answer, I think he just doesn't know what his answers are right now. By not calling you I think he IS protecting you because he does not want to lead you into thinking he is ready for anything YET. That doesn't mean he won't be soon, though.

 

Gah, but who knows? The not knowing is what is doing me in. Maybe "He's Just Not That Into" me. But here I begin to doubt myself and this "connection" that was so tangible I could almost hold it in my hands, when there is no real reason for it.

 

When I consider the 3 months of uncertainty compared to the nearly 2.5 years of happiness, I wouldn't hesitate to cry the same tears all over again to achieve the wonderful outcome. It was all worth it.

 

I will gladly deal with this excruciating ordeal if I knew that the result would be like yours. Glady. But I'm frickin' terrified that it won't.

 

All the horoscope reading in the world will do me no good, but I have been reading them religiously anyway.

 

Thank you, dropdeadlegs, for sharing your situation with me. Gives me some hope, but mostly it's nice to hear someone who seems similar to me who's gone through a similar situation, with the added bonus of time and perspective.

[dropdeadlegs]

You sent letters....did he respond? I am terrified of sending a "Hey how are you message" and not getting a response or coming off as annoying or him interpreting anything I say as pressure, whether it's there or not. Too many bad past experiences for me to risk it.

I was more terrified of him thinking that I was not as sincere than of not getting a response or annoying him. I felt that I understood him well enough to know that he would enjoy the attention rather than feel pressured. He didn't write me back, but he always acknowledged receipt of the letters and cards. Usually he sent a text message saying "wow, I got some really awesome mail today. Thank you for thinking of me." Sometimes it would prompt a call. I think the thing that worked most in my favor is that I never asked for anything during this time. I didn't question his uncertainty or how he was handling it after the first few days when I encouraged him to contact the ex and see where it led. I really felt that he needed closure if nothing else.

 

I feel the same way. I love him even more for his honesty, and even more on top of that for his ability to love so deeply. I don't feel jealous about it in the least. Just a tenderness towards him and an understanding (maybe too much?) of what he's going through, because I was there myself not so long ago.

 

He IS kind. Very kind. And he's shown more concern for my welfare than for his own so far. (For example, he once he offered to run through the rain to get an umbrella for me so I wouldn't have to walk the 10ft. to his car in the rain, if that gives you an idea.) And he's a MAN, in the behavioral/emotional-intelligence/respect sense, not a boy who's only interested in himself. He sacrificed immediate gratification for something bigger than that, and for this he earns my respect.

 

I will continue to have a life, what else can I do? The agony is near unbearable though, not knowing if I'll ever hear from him again. I'm in contact with another potential date-person, but I'm just like "eh" towards it.

 

Gah, but who knows? The not knowing is what is doing me in. Maybe "He's Just Not That Into" me. But here I begin to doubt myself and this "connection" that was so tangible I could almost hold it in my hands, when there is no real reason for it.

 

I will gladly deal with this excruciating ordeal if I knew that the result would be like yours. Glady. But I'm frickin' terrified that it won't.

 

All the horoscope reading in the world will do me no good, but I have been reading them religiously anyway.

 

Thank you, dropdeadlegs, for sharing your situation with me. Gives me some hope, but mostly it's nice to hear someone who seems similar to me who's gone through a similar situation, with the added bonus of time and perspective.

I don't think you would have felt the kind of connection you did if he wasn't sending similar vibes your way. I had my palm read during our time apart and did not get promising information from that. I was told that I would not find Mr. Right for at least a year, when I had already found him and possibly lost him. Don't worry about the horoscopes!

 

You know this man better than I do. Do whatever you think he would be most receptive to. I admit that I took chances with my feelings possibly getting hurt, but I was already hurt and figured it couldn't get much worse. I knew what I wanted and went about getting it in the best way I knew how. I honestly believe that if I hadn't done anything that I would have regretted it if he assumed I had simply moved on to the next partner prospect. He has even said that he would have assumed that I had moved on due to his indecision. I made sure that he knew I was interested and available, even while dating others, in case he heard that I was dating. My town is somewhat small and we hang out in the same crowd and some of the same places.

 

If this works out in your favor, and I hope it does, you will have a loyal and giving man willing to invest 100% in your future together. I do hope you will be inclined to keep posting as events warrant.

 

As a closing note, I did tell myself that while I was certain we were meant to be together, that if that didn't happen, it would be happening for a reason. I would have no regrets knowing that I gave my all in trying to make it happen.

[trigger]

Well I just sent him a message, and I'm terrified.

 

It was very brief, basically just said I cared about him and was wondering how he was doing. Explained as euphemistically as I could that I felt a "rather palpable kinship" with him, and left the option open for him to decide whether to respond or not.

 

It is my unfortunate tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, to usually disastrous results. So I'm freaking out a little. Okay, a lot. Only difference this time is that I do not feel desperate.

 

At least now I can stop agonizing about whether I should communicate with him or not and go do something else.

[Kamille]

DDL and Trigger, thank you both. I have just read the entire thread and I can't even describe how I feel. You made me realize just how beautiful the connection I shared with this man last summer truly was. You kind of gave it back to me in a way, because I had gone through a period of doubting it was true. Doubting was probably a phase I needed to go through to heal.

 

Anyways, thank you.

 

Trigger, I wish lots of strenght, serenety and courage. And DDL is right.

As a closing note, I did tell myself that while I was certain we were meant to be together, that if that didn't happen, it would be happening for a reason. I would have no regrets knowing that I gave my all in trying to make it happen.

 

 

For my part, I am slowly awakening to the reasons why it didn't happen for me and my ex.

[trigger]

Ugh, and now, 10 minutes later, I wish I could unsend it.

[pelagicsands]

Ugh, and now, 10 minutes later, I wish I could unsend it.

I don't believe that any more than you do.

 

Palpable kinship... are you writing a novel? I nearly fell off my chair.

[trigger]

DDL and Trigger, thank you both. I have just read the entire thread and I can't even describe how I feel. You made me realize just how beautiful the connection I shared with this man last summer truly was. You kind of gave it back to me in a way, because I had gone through a period of doubting it was true. Doubting was probably a phase I needed to go through to heal.

 

Anyways, thank you.

 

Trigger, I wish lots of strenght, serenety and courage. And DDL is right.

 

 

For my part, I am slowly awakening to the reasons why it didn't happen for me and my ex.

 

Kamille, thank you! An awful lot of serenity would be fantastic right about now.

 

I am also telling myself that if it doesn't happen, there is a reason for it. Perhaps it will mean that it's time to move on to some other quantum plane of my lifeline.

[trigger]

Palpable kinship... are you writing a novel? I nearly fell off my chair.

 

Haha...maybe...!

[Kamille]

Ugh, and now, 10 minutes later, I wish I could unsend it.

 

Aaah. yeah. I know the feeling. i have a whole thread about it somewhere. See, that was the thing... I now realize that my ex wasn't for me, because of the ways he would - or would not - respond.

 

Look at it this way: you put the palpable kinship out there. He now knows that you believe in the connection you two had. That was a beautiful, confident, courageous and generous act on your part. If this is meant to be, then he will find the right moment and right time to get back to you.

 

I do suggest though, that when he does respond, you withold writing back for awhile. That is one of the things I wish I had done differently. When he wrote I would write back about everyday stuff, falsely thinking any kind of contact to no contact at all). DDL's way of going about it is way better.

[dropdeadlegs]

trigger,

 

It is never my intention to lead someone to hurt more than they already do, but I think you will get something good out of this from the description of your man.

 

I can't imagine that he would make no response at all. He seems like the kind of man that would let you down gently at the very least.

 

Even if that were to happen, I think it would help you to move on.

 

Maybe I'm nuts, but what did you REALLY have to lose? He isn't yours yet, so you couldn't have lost him. You certainly did not lose your self respect by expressing your feelings and concern.

 

Thank you for sharing. I look forward to more news. No matter which way it goes, you have done what you could. there's a lot to be said for that if you look at things from the right perspective. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[pelagicsands]

Maybe I'm nuts,

What do you mean, maybe?! If you're not nuts, then you want to be as close to them as possible. It's only natural.

[pelagicsands]

Look at it this way: you put the palpable kinship out there. He now knows that you believe in the connection you two had. That was a beautiful, confident, courageous and generous act on your part.

I agree. And I was also add stupid. But everyone in lust is a little loopy, so that's nothing to be worried about. He should get his balls off the couch, and do something useful with them. If he knows what's good for him, that is.

[trigger]

I feel all barfy now.

 

Hot and sweaty and shaking.

 

He has read it, and responded, but I feel too cowardly to read it.