dropdeadlegs Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I guess that looking for him online is like the old driving past his house. I'm not sure what kind of "looking for him online" you are doing (messenger, myspace, something else?) and I don't think it matters. Ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish by doing it. Are you hoping he will reach out to you? Was online contact frequent during the relationship? Is it a compulsive habit? Are you a glutton for punishment? Stopping it is like stopping anything else - not always easy! Have you ever stopped doing something else that wasn't good for you? If so, what methods worked? What has worked best for me is keeping busy. Really busy. Avoid triggers. Every time you want to look, post on a LS thread. Reading about other peoples problems helps me avoid vacuuming! Keep a journal and write to him instead of seeking him out. If you have to, punish yourself. If you look for him online, you have to scrub your bathtub, or make a charitable donation. When you successfully make it through a whole day, reward yourself with something you enjoy, like a bowl of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, or a piece of costume jewelry. Whatever you like. I don't know, just keep trying to reform your behavior! Don't beat yourself up too much, either.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Yeah i guess it's the less invasive form. Cheaper too since you don't waste gas. I used to do that, but haven't done that with the recent 2 exes so I guess I outgrew the one, and gained another lol. Yes, I'm referring to IM and Jdate for the most part. I keep looking to see if he's logging into the dating site cuz my assumption was if he was, then he wasn't with someone, but really, that assumption is flawed cuz well, he logged into it when he was with me, you know, keeping an eye out for someone that could be better than me. (he wont find it). He's not been on it in several days, which is unlike him considering he was on the site every night last week for at least 2 hours a night. (kinda sad if you ask me - but kinda even sadder that i looked) So yeah, i need to do the small steps. I'm trying. I even blocked myself for a while from having access to jdate at home but then well, i would check it by logging into work LOL. I'm too smart for my own good.
Shandy Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Hang in there!! Don't be like me, I broke NC a couple days ago... ugh. You're doing great!! 22 days is a long time!!
Journey1220 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Aria, im on JDate also !! Small world haha. Listen I can certainly understand the online obsession with the ex. I did it to a point as to be classified as obsessive compulsive disorder constantly trying to see if she was up to no good even though we were broken up. What did it accomplish ? Nothing. Nothing but tearing my insides out and nothing productive. I even got rid of the online thing for a while and starting doing different things. As time passed I realized that cyberpsace is a big place and that she can do her thing and i can do mine and before I knew it she was not even a thought to me. I am recently broken up with someone and I can understand the emotional rollercoasters. One minute you are strong and can move on the next minute the pain anguish and anxiety of what happened dawns on you like a ton of bricks. Matters of the heart are very painful. Happy birthday and hope you feel better. If you need anything let me know. Journey
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 I'm on it but I'm not a J, that's what made him unsure about us in the first place (even though I was going to convert if we were serious about marriage). I dont even know how i got registered on there, i think cuz i'm on a sister site but not sure. Came to realize it one day and then just started using it to see if he was looking. First time he looked was when we were still together and I was on vacation. Painful. Guess it's better I found out he was the "grass is always greener" type before committing to him right? Too bad I really wanted to be with him for the long haul. It sucks. Day 24. Sigh. He's not been on the dating site in 4 days so it makes me all "i guess he's got a gf and is happy now" even though that's totally irrational and well, I know he'll make the next girl as crazy as he made me with his "conflicts" but it doesn't provide any consolation, yet.
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