AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 I just feel blah today. I've been doing NC as you all know. At least, NC as far as talking or contacting him. I still have the habit of looking for him online, which i know only serves to hurt me. I don't know why I do it. Maybe its because it's the last thread I have to him? i dont know. I'm a smart girl. I know that time will heal it. I just, well, I'm so tired of the mood swings I have gone through. One minute I'm fine with it, the next, I'm crying. And I'm sure he's not giving me another thought, of course, I wouldn't know if he was. He's always been very good at NC if i implement it. I dont know. I'm not going to contact him and ruin the progress I've made, but I'm finding it hard. Also our birthdays are coming up (in less than a month, his then mine one day apart). I know I'm gonna wanna say HB to him, but know that i can't. And I know I'm gonna wish he contacted me to say it, but if i don't the he probably won't. Ugh. It's just crappy. Feel free to beat me up lol.
johan Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Hang in there, Ariawoman. Just try to think positive thoughts and try to distract yourself from all this. This is how it goes, but it gets easier. Just think of it as an illness. You're going to have to suffer for a while, but the better you take care of yourself the sooner you get well.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Thank you Johan. Yes, well, love is much like getting over a drug addiction. You become so used to the support, the caring, the sharing, it's hard to go cold turkey, for sure. Thank you for the support, I appreciate it. :-)
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Stop looking online for him. Tomorrow, start the countdown again, the countdown of not looking online. It takes something like 21 days to break a habitual addiction.
Icantletgo Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Aria, you should be DAMN proud of yourself. Don't do what i did!!!! BE DAMN PROUD.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Stop looking online for him. Tomorrow, start the countdown again, the countdown of not looking online. It takes something like 21 days to break a habitual addiction. I know that's what I should do. Not sure why it's the one thing i seem to be not doing. I know that no good comes of it. That I only stand to be hurt by it. I just seem to keep it as my only way to be still somewhere present. And I know it's wrong. I had him blocked for a while so that I wouldn't see him but for some reason I unblocked him last week and left it that way. Then of course I wonder why he's not on or who he's with or if he's happy, blah blah. I know the sane me will read these someday and say wtf were you holding onto, but right now...it's just difficult.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Hi, J. , 22 days is a LONG time when you 're in pain. I'm so proud that you've been able to accomplish that, and you can be proud too! I have also heard that 21 days is the magic number, but I've also heard it's 28. I agree with TBF that starting tomorrow you should start a new count and avoid the online peeking. I know you're smart, that you know you have to stop doing that in order to fully heal. When is your BD? I will post a thread so full of happiness that you won't need him at all. We should start it on HIS BD and I'll keep it going for at least 48 hours. I promise. LSers can send enough good wishes to keep you busy, if you'll let us!
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 His is 5/18. Mine is 5/19. Feel free to post a ton of happiness lol. I'll be working on the 18th and then hopefully some people will be taking me out for my bday/get my mind off things. :-) I'm very grateful to have found a good core group of friends to hang out with through all this. I don't know where I'd be without them.
AFarAwayPlace Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Hi, J. , 22 days is a LONG time when you 're in pain. I'm so proud that you've been able to accomplish that, and you can be proud too! I have also heard that 21 days is the magic number, but I've also heard it's 28. I agree with TBF that starting tomorrow you should start a new count and avoid the online peeking. I know you're smart, that you know you have to stop doing that in order to fully heal. When is your BD? I will post a thread so full of happiness that you won't need him at all. We should start it on HIS BD and I'll keep it going for at least 48 hours. I promise. LSers can send enough good wishes to keep you busy, if you'll let us! Wow, you guys are so great here! Aria, I do the same thing, I looked for him online all day, it's very hard to stop. but I can totally relate.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 ddl's idea is fantastic!! Count me in on the support side of things.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 His is 5/18. Mine is 5/19. Feel free to post a ton of happiness lol. I'll be working on the 18th and then hopefully some people will be taking me out for my bday/get my mind off things. :-) I'm very grateful to have found a good core group of friends to hang out with through all this. I don't know where I'd be without them. Allright! Happy to hear that your BD is on a Saturday this year! That's WAY better than a Tuesday! I have my calender marked!
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Yeah. I turned 30 on a Wednesday. I was like, wtf! lol. I wanted it to be some better day, considering it was a big birthday. I just checked and i turn 40 on a monday LOL. Guess I can't win for the big ones LOL. I'll be 33 this time around. I look forward to all the happy posts on my birthday thread, and all the posts tell me to not tell him HB lol. I just chatted online with a cute guy from the city. He was kinda lame though. Oh well, I'm trying right? lol
dropdeadlegs Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Take my advice, start celebrating no. 40 on the Friday before, ride the weekend out, and just sleep through the actual day. Make it a sick day, a personal day, a vacation day, whatever you want. Looking back, none of my "big" b-days were very memorable. But those in between have been pretty good!
Teacher's Pet Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 His is 5/18. Mine is 5/19. Feel free to post a ton of happiness lol. I'll be working on the 18th and then hopefully some people will be taking me out for my bday/get my mind off things. :-) I'm very grateful to have found a good core group of friends to hang out with through all this. I don't know where I'd be without them. We certainly are taking you out on the 18th.. We've got the ropes, chains, whips, duct tape, tar, and feathers ready. You are going to have a LOT of fun, get drunk, and kiss a girl. I LOVE you, my sweet FW... and you know I speak for our "gang", too. You rock, girlie, don't give that short-sh*t another thought. ALWAYS your friend (and your 2nd favorite "Jew").. -tp p.s. what the hell do you want for your birthday? 99 cents or less.....
Teacher's Pet Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Yeah. I turned 30 on a Wednesday. I was like, wtf! lol. I wanted it to be some better day, considering it was a big birthday. My 30th was on a Monday. Trust me, after what happened that day, I'll never knock Mondays again. *evil grin* -tp will be 36 on a Monday, too...but has the Saturday before it free (hint hint)
Storyrider Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 His is 5/18. Mine is 5/19. Hey ariawoman, my bday is 5/19 too. Tauri rock! Hope you feel better.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Hey ariawoman, my bday is 5/19 too. Tauri rock! Hope you feel better. So is my mother's. Too bad none of you get my greatness that day. I'll have to work. Of course you'll get an x-rated text message (or maybe even a call) from me sometime that day.. -tp gives good text.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 We certainly are taking you out on the 18th.. We've got the ropes, chains, whips, duct tape, tar, and feathers ready. You are going to have a LOT of fun, get drunk, and kiss a girl. I LOVE you, my sweet FW... and you know I speak for our "gang", too. You rock, girlie, don't give that short-sh*t another thought. ALWAYS your friend (and your 2nd favorite "Jew").. -tp p.s. what the hell do you want for your birthday? 99 cents or less..... nah, if i kissed a girl again it would probably be for skimmy's birthday....LOL. You'd once again miss it.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Hey ariawoman, my bday is 5/19 too. Tauri rock! Hope you feel better. Isn't 5/19 awesome :-)
shockandawed Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Hey AW, I can totally relate to hanging on to that last thread. My ex-fiance and I broke up in December. Really had no contact other than IM. I was able to not call her and delete all of her emails, but I couldn't delete her off my IM list. It got to the point where we would only IM about every two weeks and the last couple I initiated. But even if we didn't chat, everytime she would log in or not be logged in, I would wonder and drive myself crazy. Of course, when she was logged in, I would debate myself endlessly on whether I should pop in or not. The IMs for the most part were pleasant but emotional. Finally, in March, she snapped during one, said some horrible and unprovoked things, ending with she is getting married in May and logging off. I knew what I needed to do..I completely deleted her off the buddy list. It was tough at first, but i am so glad I finally did it. Although I thought I was moving on, having that constant reminder and opportunity for interaction was holding me back. Trust me, delete him and in time, you will be very glad you did.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 nah, if i kissed a girl again it would probably be for skimmy's birthday....LOL. You'd once again miss it. Dammit! Well, then you can do it for MY birthday when it rolls around this summer... -tp hot fun in the summer sun
Teacher's Pet Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Isn't 5/19 awesome :-) Depends on who you ask: 5/19/1536: Anne Boelyn beheaded. 5/19/1935: Author T.E. Lawrence killed in an accident. How about a little sensitivity here???? LOL -tp d.o.b. 7/23/1971 7/23/1858: The first Jew elected to British Parliament. 7/23/1967: Riots in Detroit, 43 killed. Born on my birthday: Monica Lewinsky, Pee Wee Reese, and Charisma Carpenter, i.e. 2 experts on balls, and one who's never seen one in her life.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 I dont understand why I'm all dumb. I think it's because of my self imposed contact via the online crap. I know it sucks and I know i need to stop. How the heck do i get myself to stop? You'd think i'd someday choose myself over him, but so far, still not doing that. How exactly do i make that last sever? Grrrr.
Trialbyfire Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Start today. Take it an hour or a 1/2 day at a time. "I will not look." Then it's okay to look after that. Tomorrow. Two hours or a full day. etc, etc. Make the segments of time what you know you can succeed at. You can do it!!
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Start today. Take it an hour or a 1/2 day at a time. "I will not look." Then it's okay to look after that. Tomorrow. Two hours or a full day. etc, etc. Make the segments of time what you know you can succeed at. You can do it!! I've done that, at times. Some days I'm good, some days i'm not lol. I know I need to keep trying. Thank you trialbyfire, and everyone else who has helped me on this and other threads, for your selfless support. We don't have to be here to help eachother, we choose to be. And that says a lot about the kinds of people we are.
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