AFarAwayPlace Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Hi, you can read my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t118218/ I am having a tough time with NC with MM. I will explain some of the recent events. I ran a forum with him, we both admin it and he hosts it as it requires a lot of bandwidth, I couldn't afford to host it and he had a free server. It's our final tie, so I felt in order to move on I would sell the forum, it's technically mine but we built it together, that aside, he not once, not twice but three times has forbidden me to sell it! First was two private messages through a forum he frequents and I am an inactive member at and the third was via email, telling me he'll dispute the sale. This is sending me mixed messages, why is he doing this? I then felt later on that he's only telling me he cares about me, etc... to stop me from telling his W anything, so yesterday I wrote a friendly email, it was thanking him for the time we had and telling him I will leave him alone. He later replied, didn't comment on anything I said, and only asked for help with one of his websites I've worked on. Now, you must know his W does not want me in the picture nor working on their sites yet he's still asking, I wrote today and said I can't do it cause what he asked me to do is not in my skillset. I am aware, from reading around here that many will say who cares what he feels, etc and to just move on and not put up with/settle for MM, however, these actions are seriously sending mixed messages. He forbids the sale of the last place we have together, yet removed himself as admin AND banned himself, I also removed myself as admin cause in the very least, I want to stay away from the place and memories. Then there's the keeping in touch for supposed "work" on his sites, he can find someone else. He's a man who spoke to me daily via email, all throughout the day for 1.5 years, so I know it's easier said then done to get over it, I invested a lot emotionally, and I am hurting badly. Some days are ok, but today I woke up and feel sick, he's on my mind the second I wake up. I find it hard to concentrate on work, etc. Does it really get easier and when?
Author AFarAwayPlace Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 I went back to sleep. Just got up and still hurting over this, anyone have any support? Please, I could really use some.
panzer6 Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 You have to concentrate on you, go to the gym, hang out with friends, go and have fun and do something you have never done before. There is no quick fix to missing someone. I'm sorry you are hurting, I'm hurting too and some days it's almost unbearable for me so i know what you are feeling. You did invest alot and it will take time to heal and get back to the old you but it will happen. My problem is that my ex keeps coming back!! Just when I start to heal and feel better about myself she comes back and sucks me back in and then she pulls the same old crap again and I feel like I have had my guts removed. Any way like I said concentrate on you, that combined with time will get you to a better place and hopefully you can meet someone and fall in love with them and your realtionship with the MM will be a distant memory. Be strong and just take things one day at a time. Post on here as often as you like, I feel it actually helps.
Author AFarAwayPlace Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 I am trying to do that, I am looking for others opinions on the above things he's been doing as they're rather confusing, I'd love others views on it.
AriaIncognito Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 AFAP - I feel that whatever his motives are, are basically irrelevant to your situation. He's MM and that won't change. So, he doesn't want you to sell it off, whatever, not really his decision is it? He has no control over you. Also, you dont need to consider his actions. He already has a W who he needs to consult with, not an OW too...I'm sorry to be so blunt, but well, he's a MM and that should tell you enough. He's emotionally unavailable either way, and is messed up for even seeking something outside his marriage, in lieu of getting a divorce and looking for true happiness, if his marriage is that bad. Anyone with respect for their s/o would get the divorce instead of betraying them, at least, I'd want that for myself. Anyway, whatever he's saying, it's not enough. He's married, you need to move forward, whatever that entails. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what i've got to offer...
CaliGuy Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Sell the forum, he can't stop you. Follow the advice form others. If this is the last tie, CUT IT. Then get to the gym, hang out with friends, dive into new hobbies and focus on self-improvement. The forum is just a way for him to keep you tied to him in case he changes his mind later. It's a way for him to play with your mind, to keep you hooked and as a back up plan, for as long as he desires. Sell the forum. He can not stop you.
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