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pulse

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pulse Member

pulse

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I'm sorry, not sure I completely understand - But his wife DOES know about you nd the affair?

 

He has told her he wants a divorce and they have been living separate lives for yrs. His youngest daughter knows that the marriage has been on the rocks, but a divorce was never discussed with his daughters. I have met his close friends and their wives know about me and they know her so don't you think they told her? We live within a few miles of each other and my SO and I go to restaurants together, shopping and I drive his vehicle, plus I have keys to the beach house, so obviously she knows and they have an understanding. I have heard form other sources that she is seeing someone as well but I don't wish to get into that. They share a home and are married in name only and he goes home on Sunday evenings to pay the helper, gardener and make sure things are ok at his house. During the week he is between my home and his beach house where he stays because one of his companies is in that location (1hr away); his other business is 10 minutes from my house. I go to his beach house whenever I want and I have never had a confrontation with his W.

SoxPrincess Established Member

SoxPrincess

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Welcome to LS Pulse :) I think one misconception about the OW/OM forum is that it is a 100% support forum for A's and unfortunately, most people who share their stories are surprised to find out that isn't the case. Since this forum is open to everyone to post on, you'll find varying opinions, advice and stories but don't let that discourage you from posting or from sharing your story! It's not like anyones harsh words are going to change your situation or MAKE you change things in your life, only you can do that and in the end..words on the internet are just that...words.

 

That being said, as an exOW, I neither condone nor condemn your relationship with your MM, it's not really my place. In my sitch, exMM ALWAYS had something else "come up" that kept him from keeping his word on when he was leaving. Obviously no one here knows your MM personally, only you do, so you have to make your decisions based on what you know and it seems like you are doing just that. If your MM is truly miserable and wants to end his marriage to be with you, I hope that he does and that you two can be together. If he is just stringing you along, I hope that you find out sooner than later so that you can avoid the inevitable hurt that comes from situations like these. I wish you lots of luck!

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pulse Member

pulse

Posted
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Welcome to LS Pulse :) I think one misconception about the OW/OM forum is that it is a 100% support forum for A's and unfortunately, most people who share their stories are surprised to find out that isn't the case. Since this forum is open to everyone to post on, you'll find varying opinions, advice and stories but don't let that discourage you from posting or from sharing your story! It's not like anyones harsh words are going to change your situation or MAKE you change things in your life, only you can do that and in the end..words on the internet are just that...words.

 

That being said, as an exOW, I neither condone nor condemn your relationship with your MM, it's not really my place. In my sitch, exMM ALWAYS had something else "come up" that kept him from keeping his word on when he was leaving. Obviously no one here knows your MM personally, only you do, so you have to make your decisions based on what you know and it seems like you are doing just that. If your MM is truly miserable and wants to end his marriage to be with you, I hope that he does and that you two can be together. If he is just stringing you along, I hope that you find out sooner than later so that you can avoid the inevitable hurt that comes from situations like these. I wish you lots of luck!

 

 

Sure right about thinking that only OW and OM would post and was immediately attacked but I am accustomed to this since over the yrs I have had to deal with negative responses from family and friends who are now receptive of my relationship. They are the only ones that matter in my scheme of things so as long as I have them on my side I could care less;) It's understandable that Ws would react negatively and feel threatened because they see OW as enemies but they barely gave me a chance...

 

But hey! Thanks for the welcome:) LOL! I got a baptism of fire into the fold and for a minute I was like "hell no" I don't need this! But... maybe I should see what else goes on here. I am on break from studies and have time on my hands.

outofdarkness Established Member

outofdarkness

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He has told her he wants a divorce and they have been living separate lives for yrs. His youngest daughter knows that the marriage has been on the rocks, but a divorce was never discussed with his daughters. I have met his close friends and their wives know about me and they know her so don't you think they told her? We live within a few miles of each other and my SO and I go to restaurants together, shopping and I drive his vehicle, plus I have keys to the beach house, so obviously she knows and they have an understanding. I have heard form other sources that she is seeing someone as well but I don't wish to get into that. They share a home and are married in name only and he goes home on Sunday evenings to pay the helper, gardener and make sure things are ok at his house. During the week he is between my home and his beach house where he stays because one of his companies is in that location (1hr away); his other business is 10 minutes from my house. I go to his beach house whenever I want and I have never had a confrontation with his W.

My H's OW of 10 years said the first and ONLY time I've spoken to her that she was told that I knew and approved..just like you said..all of her friends, knew, they went out together, she met friends, acquaintances, etc...DON'T assume this..NOT ONE person told me!!!! I was shocked, humiliated...etc...I don't mean to bash you but are you proud of the fact that it's so open? I mean, he IS married, regardless of the circumstances.

 

PS..I think TomKat33 would be a great poster to ask for support/advice..JMHO...

woe_is_me Established Member

woe_is_me

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I read that a lot of the MM mentioned in these forums are 20 years or so older..i don't know what's up with that. That would totally gross me out. Thats beside the point though.

 

It's the same old lines they give.. I mean..howcome someone in their family always has some awful disease..?

Howcome they all say they sleep in seperate bedrooms?

 

Read on Pulse..you'll be amazed.

If i knew how to paste the Dr. Phil thread/post for you i would.

 

Good Luck.

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pulse Member

pulse

Posted
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I read that a lot of the MM mentioned in these forums are 20 years or so older..i don't know what's up with that. That would totally gross me out. Thats beside the point though.

 

It's the same old lines they give.. I mean..howcome someone in their family always has some awful disease..?

Howcome they all say they sleep in seperate bedrooms?

 

Read on Pulse..you'll be amazed.

If i knew how to paste the Dr. Phil thread/post for you i would.

 

Good Luck.

 

My preference for a mate is just that a preference; the same way people like blondes, short men or women I like older men. Not interested in a discussion about age gap because my father is older than my mother by 15 yrs so its the norm for me.

 

Nobody here knows my SO or me neither do they know anything about my situation except for what I have told them. There is no one size fits all solution to any problem and situations have to analyzed on their own merits. I have been the OW for a long time so I know that things have changed. This is based on actions not on his words.

 

If he were to divorce his W now when his daughter is undergoing chemotherapy everyone would still think he's a scumbag because of the fact that we started a relationship during his marriage. So there, I know that nobody here would be content unless I say that I have ended the relationship. I am aware that MM are skilled at what they do so I am not looking at this through rose colored glasses. I go to my bed guilt free and I know that being with a married man does not make me a bad person despite what some of you might think. I made a mistake getting involved in the first place, but I am not going to walk away because some people believe that this is wrong. We are trying to do the best thing for all concerned and any way you take it someone is hurt and will get hurt, but such is life...

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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1. This observation is rather abrupt. Care to explain?

 

2. I joined this forum because I thought that it would be great to communicate with people who are in similar situation as often there are issues that are akin to this type of relationship.

 

1. Sure. Here goes. How is it that he has you where he wants you? Well, he gets to benefit in every way from having a relationship with you, and he doesn't have to do a damn thing to legitimize it or give you that 'real family' you want. Heck, he doesn't have to go through the legal and financial hassle of a divorce. He doesn't have to separate from his children, he doesn't have to pack 20 years of crap up and move to a new place, he doesn't have to worry about who gets what in the divorce, he doesn't have to worry about alimony, he doesn't have to worry about what his children will think of him and how they will treat him when he leaves Mom high and dry, he doesn't have to worry about any of that stuff.

 

Why? Because you allow him to keep it that way by continuing to accept his excuses for not leaving, and allowing him to have an illegitimate life with you. Does it matter if his wife knows or not? Obviously not - they are still together. I expect he and his wife are used to their life together even though they don't have romantic or sexual ties together, and neither of them sounds particularly interested in changing that. She stays married to him, and he keeps handing you excuses not to leave. Granted they are legit excuses, and I expect the next few broken deadlines will be because of: more health issues from various family members, graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren, etc. etc.

 

You honestly think he is going to take 20 years that he has invested in his family and his legacy, only to start all over again at his age? Hardly. Its just cheaper, more convenient and all around easier to stay married after that long, particularly if your H or W more or less condones what you are doing, and OW/OM makes it easy to stay married. He can keep you hanging on with talk of divorce - heck, you have freely given him four more years of time where he doesn't have to really think about divorce. He only has to keep giving you the impression that he is.

 

2. Ha! Well, lets say that I have a great deal of experience with this sort of situation. Only not as OW, but as a (former) "bad guy" cake eater. I'm giving you a point of view of someone in this situation - only its not from the side you really want to hear about. Honestly though, if you can't consider all sides of a problem, even the sides you don't want to consider or think about - then you will never get around to solving said problem. Perspective is perspective, even when you don't like what you are hearing.

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pulse Member

pulse

Posted
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1. Sure. Here goes. How is it that he has you where he wants you? Well, he gets to benefit in every way from having a relationship with you, and he doesn't have to do a damn thing to legitimize it or give you that 'real family' you want. Heck, he doesn't have to go through the legal and financial hassle of a divorce. He doesn't have to separate from his children, he doesn't have to pack 20 years of crap up and move to a new place, he doesn't have to worry about who gets what in the divorce, he doesn't have to worry about alimony, he doesn't have to worry about what his children will think of him and how they will treat him when he leaves Mom high and dry, he doesn't have to worry about any of that stuff.

 

Why? Because you allow him to keep it that way by continuing to accept his excuses for not leaving, and allowing him to have an illegitimate life with you. Does it matter if his wife knows or not? Obviously not - they are still together. I expect he and his wife are used to their life together even though they don't have romantic or sexual ties together, and neither of them sounds particularly interested in changing that. She stays married to him, and he keeps handing you excuses not to leave. Granted they are legit excuses, and I expect the next few broken deadlines will be because of: more health issues from various family members, graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren, etc. etc.

 

You honestly think he is going to take 20 years that he has invested in his family and his legacy, only to start all over again at his age? Hardly. Its just cheaper, more convenient and all around easier to stay married after that long, particularly if your H or W more or less condones what you are doing, and OW/OM makes it easy to stay married. He can keep you hanging on with talk of divorce - heck, you have freely given him four more years of time where he doesn't have to really think about divorce. He only has to keep giving you the impression that he is.

 

2. Ha! Well, lets say that I have a great deal of experience with this sort of situation. Only not as OW, but as a (former) "bad guy" cake eater. I'm giving you a point of view of someone in this situation - only its not from the side you really want to hear about. Honestly though, if you can't consider all sides of a problem, even the sides you don't want to consider or think about - then you will never get around to solving said problem. Perspective is perspective, even when you don't like what you are hearing.

 

 

Now this comes closer to a constructive criticism rather than that one line statement. Thanks for your response!:) And oh certainly I have considered both sides of the coin, I'm not silly, but when people decide to brandish their opinions like gospel, I have a problem with that! I also have a problem with people who believe that they know in no uncertain terms what's best for you!

 

Yes I believe it is possible that he will give up 20yrs of legacy to be with me as by coming out into the open with me he has made that clear, because if he didn't want a divorce then more than likely,he would not have given me the keys to his beach house or spend Christmas and New Years with me and everyday our relationship gets stronger. And sure other MM men have done this and gone back to their W but I'm not talking about the many manipulative MM out there, I'm talking about this one who is not flippant about anything in his life. He does not make a decision unless he has thought it out carefully and that's the yard stick that I go by. Not once in the years that I have known him has he ever broken his word: not a missed phone call, not a missed date; I've never had to remind him to do anything that he says he's going to do. He's not perfect, but that is his nature in this regard. He has never before now indicated that he is going to get a divorce and I have never requested that of him. It is only after I ended my engagement with my fiance and returned to my country that we sat down and discussed the future and finally decided to move in this direction. And by the way I deserve any sacrifice that he makes or will make to be with me.

 

Its 2007 now and I've given him until 2009, that means he has 2yrs to sort his life out. I can afford to spend 2 more years with him as my focus right now is my studies, so if it doesn't work out its not the end of the world...life goes on. I'm not short of options and he knows how lucky he is to have me in his life... We should also remember that what is OK in the US and other countries are not necessarily the same in another country or culture. Where I'm from the wife would look like a fool to take him back after he has openly flaunted his relationship with another woman. It is acceptable that in certain classes partners remain married in name only, but they keep their respective flings in the closet and that's what has been going on for years but he is no longer content with that; he wants a normal life with me as much as I want one with him!:)

woe_is_me Established Member

woe_is_me

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Justify it all you want..

Glorify it as much as you wish..make excuses 'til the cows come home..gloss it over and pretty it all up as much as you like.. the bottom line is .. this guy is NOT leaving his W or M.

 

You've basically put 'pressure' on him to so something decisive and he has you suspended in the 'OW state' until 2009!?

 

You admitted in your first post you were 'hooked' yet you say it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out.. sounds like you're in two minds.

I don't think you really want to accept being his fling in the closet but it looks like that's all you're ever going to be.

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pulse Member

pulse

Posted
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Justify it all you want..

Glorify it as much as you wish..make excuses 'til the cows come home..gloss it over and pretty it all up as much as you like.. the bottom line is .. this guy is NOT leaving his W or M.

 

You've basically put 'pressure' on him to so something decisive and he has you suspended in the 'OW state' until 2009!?

 

You admitted in your first post you were 'hooked' yet you say it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out.. sounds like you're in two minds.

I don't think you really want to accept being his fling in the closet but it looks like that's all you're ever going to be.

 

 

You are really bitter... I hope you can find some happiness;)

woe_is_me Established Member

woe_is_me

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You are really bitter... I hope you can find some happiness;)

 

 

Am i? At least i'm not brainwashed.

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pulse Member

pulse

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Am i? At least i'm not brainwashed.

 

Obviously you get a kick out of someone else's failure but guess what I don't give a rat's behind what you think...:rolleyes: And again I hope you find some happiness you deserve it!;)

woe_is_me Established Member

woe_is_me

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Obviously you get a kick out of someone else's failure but guess what I don't give a rat's behind what you think...:rolleyes: And again I hope you find some happiness you deserve it!;)

 

Not sure whose failure you're referring to but by the time you get this man the only thing failing will be his 'you know what'. lol...enjoy!

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pulse Member

pulse

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Not sure whose failure you're referring to but by the time you get this man the only thing failing will be his 'you know what'. lol...enjoy!

 

I repeat, everyone deserves happiness including you!:laugh: Maybe if you repeat this often you just might believe it!

Cliche Established Member

Cliche

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Hi Pulse.

 

I share some similarities with your story. My MM is also very doting, spends a great deal of time with me...seriously, I've figured it out and he cannot be spending more than 8 total hours a week with her. And during those times, he doesn't go longer than 2 hours without calling me. We spend all holidays and birthdays together. I have a key to his private office and my name is on all his utilities there since I set them up. Whenever I tell him something is bothering me (in a "if your marriage is really over, then why can't you....?) he changes things to make me happy. Mine doesn't have children, though. He hasn't divorced for financial reasons. He has given me a drop dead date in June when he's out of his marriage. He told me it has taken him so long (10 months together, 8 of it intimate) because he didn't know how upset the situation made me, and now that he knows, he just needs to tie up a couple of loose ends that won't take more than 30 to 60 days and he's moving on. Maybe I shouldn't believe him. I read all of the posts on here and see similarities and think that I shouldn't believe him, he's the same as all the others.

 

But then, he is so convincing. There are so many parts of our relationship that are different than other As. I know so many couples where they started out with one or both partners married, had an A for a while, got their divorces, and now they are happily married and some have been for up to 35 years.

 

So right now, I'm just not sure. I'm not yet ready to give up that last shred of hope. I feel pretty confident, though, that I will be ready to leave, if I have to, in June. I am making a point of feeling less emotionally attached to him since, really, that is where all of my trauma is coming from. Relationships come and go, and this one may be no different. And the only reason I can figure why it is causing me more heartbreak than any other is because I've allowed myself to become way too attached. So I'm unattaching by focusing on and finding enjoyment in my life. That is my goal for myself.

 

And I think, as long as you prepare yourself the same way, then you need to do what you feel is right. Just remember that right for "now" is not right for later, and maybe, if we keep true to ourselves, we'll see right when it comes. Please just try not to allow this man or ANY man to destroy any parts of you. And I'll try the same thing.

 

Good luck.

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pulse Member

pulse

Posted
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Hi Pulse.

 

I share some similarities with your story. My MM is also very doting, spends a great deal of time with me...seriously, I've figured it out and he cannot be spending more than 8 total hours a week with her. And during those times, he doesn't go longer than 2 hours without calling me. We spend all holidays and birthdays together. I have a key to his private office and my name is on all his utilities there since I set them up. Whenever I tell him something is bothering me (in a "if your marriage is really over, then why can't you....?) he changes things to make me happy. Mine doesn't have children, though. He hasn't divorced for financial reasons. He has given me a drop dead date in June when he's out of his marriage. He told me it has taken him so long (10 months together, 8 of it intimate) because he didn't know how upset the situation made me, and now that he knows, he just needs to tie up a couple of loose ends that won't take more than 30 to 60 days and he's moving on. Maybe I shouldn't believe him. I read all of the posts on here and see similarities and think that I shouldn't believe him, he's the same as all the others.

 

But then, he is so convincing. There are so many parts of our relationship that are different than other As. I know so many couples where they started out with one or both partners married, had an A for a while, got their divorces, and now they are happily married and some have been for up to 35 years.

 

So right now, I'm just not sure. I'm not yet ready to give up that last shred of hope. I feel pretty confident, though, that I will be ready to leave, if I have to, in June. I am making a point of feeling less emotionally attached to him since, really, that is where all of my trauma is coming from. Relationships come and go, and this one may be no different. And the only reason I can figure why it is causing me more heartbreak than any other is because I've allowed myself to become way too attached. So I'm unattaching by focusing on and finding enjoyment in my life. That is my goal for myself.

 

And I think, as long as you prepare yourself the same way, then you need to do what you feel is right. Just remember that right for "now" is not right for later, and maybe, if we keep true to ourselves, we'll see right when it comes. Please just try not to allow this man or ANY man to destroy any parts of you. And I'll try the same thing.

 

Good luck.

 

I hear you girl and I agree with you, we should not allow any man to destroy us; married or unattached. We should stick to our decisions to move on if our MM does not meet the deadlines set. We deserve to be with someone who will move mountains to be with us and treat us with the respect that we deserve. Like you, I know quite a few OW who end up being W and have gone on to live normal lives and I hope our As result in marriage if our now MM deserves us!

 

I hope all goes well but if he goes back on his word then move on girl! I hope you find the courage to do what is best for you!;)

4whatItsWorth

4whatItsWorth

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My whole stupid post got deleted by mistake argh!!!

 

Point is I was in your MMs daughters situation being seriously ill and my dad was having an A. Point is; she will feel like she no longer knows him, take the mother's side and disrespect you for being the OW. If I see my dad's OW one of these days, I'm not gonna be able to avoid hitting her. THAT is what your MM is "sacrificing" if he leaves his W AFTER BEING WITH YOU. I cannot believe you're fine with all this.

 

You're gonna screw up that girl's view on her dad. She might as well relapse when she finds out. Like others said, if he was a DECENT man he'd not started anything with you until he was divorced in the first place.

 

Go to someone who will not give you "2 years waiting around" to want to committ to you.

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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Hi Pulse,

Don't take this the wrong way, but - You seem very defensive...some of these posters might not be telling you what you want to hear, but don't dismiss their opinion because of it...some of what has been said on this thread is really worth noting.

 

There is a bit of tough love going on with some posters too - and I will reiterate, it's posters like these on LS that got me to realise that the person I was involved with was a total liar - but also 100% convincing and manipulative, and it was only because I pushed for a quick deadline and walked away immediately after seeing he couldn't deliver - that stopped this dragging on for years. LS let me see a different perspective from a lot of people who had been through the same thing ('but he loves me', 'we're different', 'they're married in name only', 'the W already knows', 'he'll leave as soon as...fill in the blank' etc). Such great advice and I think I'd have let myself get sucked in by the MM for MUCH longer if I hadn't been reading all this stuff on LS. I think the sad thing is that the red flags are all over the place, the stories are the same...the endings are usually the same...maybe a few MM do D, but how many years are you really willing to sacrifice for this?

 

A lot of people on here are talking to you like they'd talk to one of their friends, and they don't want to see you get taken for a ride or compromise yourself, even if it's not what you want to hear right now...bottom line is, if one of my mates was involved with a MM who had a daughter going through chemo, who thought it was fine to expect you to be faithful to him until 2009, and be an OW all that time - and expect you to be fine with it...I'd be so worried about her and tell her to get out immediately as the guy seems devoid of morals, integrity, backbone and principles and is clearly selfish. Why not just stop the A until the guy gets a D? That means you two still have a future, but it also means no more sneaking around and no chance of the kids finding out (the ill daughter could really fare badly in her condition from finding out something like this). I don't believe for a second that the W knows, either.

 

Please don't take this as anything but constructive-I'm just saying, this is how I'd react to a good friend - and a lot of posters are doing the same thing - keep posting but keep questioning too!

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
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If he were to divorce his W now when his daughter is undergoing chemotherapy everyone would still think he's a scumbag because of the fact that we started a relationship during his marriage.

This doesn't add up. You've already met his close friends and his wife already knows about you.

Guest

Guest

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This is the problem I have with this forum: If people who post are not pessimistic about their future and does not tell you what you want to hear which is "I'm tired of this, he is manipulative and he is using me and I'm ending it tomorrow" then most people lash out at the person. The idea of support here is drag you through the mud, say the worst things possible, make you bitter and then you can be apart of the fold. Take for example the attitude of "Woe_is _me" is me, you call that support.

 

I have managed fine without any of you here so I don't see why I should let a bunch of strangers dictate to me how I should live my life. No wonder most of the relationships on here don't work because the advice given here is totally negative and you get pushed into demanding a divorce now and nag the man back to his W and then you all get bitter. What a life to live.

 

Only a few people have welcomed me to this forum. All I have received is a lot of shouting and screaming about what a horrible person I am and posts implying that I'm not good enough for this man. Please! You think everybody that comes here is dumb and couldn't have weighed the pros and cons of the situation because most of you didn't. Well I have done that without you all, so to hell with you.

 

I haven't gotten this far academically and professionally because I let people bully me into doing what they want me to do. I'm a leader not somebody that's led. I make a decision after careful analysis and then I stick to it unless the situation changes. I don't jump when people who don't know the full picture tell me to jump. I have better things to do than to wage battle daily or to surround myself by negative people who wish nothing but failure for others because they have messed up and are unhappy.

 

SO TO THE FEW PEOPLE THAT MANAGED TO OFFER CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND EXTENDED WELCOME I THANK YOU. TO THE OTHERS: I REALLY DO HOPE YOU FIND SOME HAPPINESS BECAUSE YOU ALL SEEM TO BE BITTER AND BITTERNESS IS A RECIPE FOR ILLNESS. I REFUSE TO ALLOW MYSELF TO INHALE THE TOXIC AIR THAT CIRCULATES HERE. SO HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS THREAD BECAUSE I AM GOING TO END MY MEMBERSHIP HERE!

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pulse Member

pulse

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This doesn't add up. You've already met his close friends and his wife already knows about you.

 

You took my quote out of context, the everyone I'm referring to is everyone here!

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

I hope you let this thread continue...Maybe right now you're not ready to "hear" the advice given to you, but after doing some thinking, take a step back, and then read the post replies again. Harsh/tough love advice IS harsh, but people here care. If they didn't, they wouldn't have responded at all.

You know the difference between harsh advice and nasty advice - Just don't let people here run you off because you don't like what is being said.

 

You're in a tough situation, even more because his daughter has cancer and is undergoing chemo treatments. To be honest, his focus should be completely on her right now. I've seen this upclose, my father went through chemo, unfortunately he lost the battle, and last year one of my closest friends battled against breast cancer and is doing really great now...Anyway, cancer, like any other serious illness, brings out alot of emotion. Things could change very quickly and one day you could find yourself looking at a closed door.....

 

2 years is 2 years and if you're willing to wait that long for a man to decide if he is going to divorce, go for it....Just don't freak out when the day comes he doesn't sign those papers. Life happens, and godforbid something awful happens to his daughter, hate to say it, I doubt very much he is going to up and leave his wife and family...

 

Good luck though, and hey, it's your life. You decide what you want to do, all we're doing is trying to open your eyes to afew different angles of your situation.

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
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HUH?

 

I thought the point here was to give you advice - as you asked for it...

 

People here were only trying to steer your future in the right direction...

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
HUH?

 

I thought the point here was to give you advice - as you asked for it...

 

People here were only trying to steer your future in the right direction...

 

Where did she asked for advices? I thought she just wanted to share her wonderful story. She is happy and I can feel it through all her posts... Good for her!!!

Frances Established Member

Frances

Posted
Posted
I read that a lot of the MM mentioned in these forums are 20 years or so older..i don't know what's up with that. That would totally gross me out.

It would me as well, okay when they are late 40s and 50s but what when they are in their 60s and you are in your 40s.

It's the same old lines they give.. I mean..howcome someone in their family always has some awful disease..?

Howcome they all say they sleep in seperate bedrooms?

 

Read on Pulse..you'll be amazed.

If i knew how to paste the Dr. Phil thread/post for you i would.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

 

Dating a Married Man

Are you the "other woman?" If you're involved with a

married man, and you're waiting for your turn, it's

time to re-evaluate your situation. Dr. Phil offers

advice:

 

It's time to move forward.

If you're putting your life on hold for a married man,

he's stolen not only your heart — he's stolen your

brain!

 

No matter how you justify it, you are attacking his

family unit.

Even if he is separated from his wife, that is their

business and you are a threat to their marriage. You

aren't welcome and you don't belong.

 

You may feel that he's your soul mate, but think

again.

A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines.

He wouldn't allow it, let alone entice it.

 

Keep in mind that you only know what he tells you.

You already know that he's a liar because he's living

a lie with his wife and children. How can you be sure

whether you're the only "other woman" he has?

Entertain the possibility that he is lying to you, and

you are being used.

 

Think of his wife.

Is it fair to her? She's been married to him for

however many years, cleaned up after him when he's

sick, raised children with him, sacrificed with him,

dealt with the "damn dailies," then you come in at the

11th hour and provide a contrast to that that's new

and exciting and fun. You are intruding upon her turf.

You are a trespasser. It is no different than being a

thief in the night. It is no different than breaking

into their house and stealing their things.

 

Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and

family for you, that doesn't guarantee success.

Relationships born out of affairs survive less than 5

percent of the time. If he'll do it with you, he'll do

it to you. If he's living this deception with you

today, how could you ever trust him if you did get

into a legitimate relationship with him?

 

Break off this relationship today.

You'll hurt, you'll feel broken-hearted, but you'll be

better off. Take some time to get really clear with

yourself about who you are and what you want. The most

important relationship you'll ever have in this world

is the one you have with yourself. And eventually,

you'll fall in love again — with someone who's willing

to make you first in his life.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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