610 Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We have a mortgage together, 2 cats and both have a very good life. Last week i was drinking with some mates, i ended up getting the most drunk I have ever been. I lost my freinds and ened up getting picked up by a girl. We ended up trying to have sex! trying I say because I couldn't I was so drunk. I ended up vomiting (pretty picture). I don't know why i did it, it was so out of my character. Before this you could have said i was one of the most loyal and trustworthy people on earth. I told my girlfreind and it was so painful to see her. I love her so much and she says she loves me to, but she cannot get back together because it will always be in her head. What am i to do?
amerikajin Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. We have a mortgage together, 2 cats and both have a very good life. Last week i was drinking with some mates, i ended up getting the most drunk I have ever been. I lost my freinds and ened up getting picked up by a girl. We ended up trying to have sex! trying I say because I couldn't I was so drunk. I ended up vomiting (pretty picture). I don't know why i did it, it was so out of my character. Before this you could have said i was one of the most loyal and trustworthy people on earth. I told my girlfreind and it was so painful to see her. I love her so much and she says she loves me to, but she cannot get back together because it will always be in her head. What am i to do? There's nothing you can do. When you 1) did the deed and 2) told your girl about it, you lost control of the situation. You're no longer calling the shots; it's her choice to make, and she's apparently made it. I guess if it were me, I would just give her some space and time. She needs to sort all of this out in her head without interference from you, and I am telling you, the more you keep pestering her about this, the more you're going to piss her off. Just sit tight and let her make up her mind. Right now the emotions are raw and she's bitter. Let her cool off and take her cues. Call her every now and then - like once a week, not once a day - and see if she wants to talk, and if she doesn't want to talk then leave it at that and maybe call a few weeks later to see if her mood has changed. I'd say that if a good month or two has gone by and nothing's changed, nothing is gonna change. It's going to be even tougher than it normally would be because you already have a mortgage and things you have to settle up on, so the timing and so forth is going to be awkward. Just try to use your best judgment, and hope it works out. Live and learn.
Aloros Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I agree. At this point, there is nothing you can do. You made a mistake, and now you have to deal with the consequences. She may forgive you, she may not, but it is now her decision, not yours.
Enema Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 You probably shouldn't have told her. Some things don't need to be out in the open.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 I commend you for telling her. I'm not sure I would have done that. Amerikajun told you how to proceed, and I agree. A heartfelt letter might not hurt, but conversation needs to be on her terms at this point.
KittenMoon Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 IMO, even when you are wicked drunk you won't do something you are truly opposed to. So my guess is you were unsatisfied on some level prior to this indiscretion, even if you didn't have any concious intention of straying. Maybe you should take a deep look at why you did what you did while giving your exgf some time. This may not be unsalvageable, but I think you'll need to have a lot of understanding of both your feelings and hers before anything happens.
LoveLace Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Like Kittenmoon said - there might be an underlying reason as for why you ended up doing something you would normally protest. Alcohol can make people do things out of the ordinary, but it's not the most acceptable excuse for cheating. The two of you probably need time and space from each other. Maybe eventually, she will appreciate your honesty and be able to forgive you, but after that the relationship might not be the same, cuz she may no longer trust you to go out and have drinks. However, it's not unheard of for those who love each other to get through things like this or worse, and still get back on track with the relationship. Maybe she would be open to counseling..wouldn't hurt to try.
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