mat56 Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 So heres my story. Its nothing compared to others but It hurts just the same I guess. I know its long but I need advice quickly so please read and help! I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We were both each others first everything. I love this kid more then anything in the world. Im a year older then him and our whole entire relationship has been weekends. When I met him I went to college the next week. We saw each other every weekend after that. When he started school I was afraid it would end but we compromised we talked when we could (which was every night for 15 mins) and saw each other every weekend(saturday and sunday). When we did see each other he basically lived with me. He would come to my house and sleep on the couch ( I live with my parents) or he would come to school. Everything was great really. He asked me a few times to move in with him but I couldnt because of school. Two weeks before he broke up with me he told me for the first time that he loved me. I never even saw the break up coming. He broke up with me on March 24th. It all started that Monday we had a silly argument and I thought everything was ok but then the next day he was still made and it sounded like he didnt want to be with me anymore. The next day he told me that he didnt think he wanted a girlfriend anymore but he couldnt make any decisions until he saw me. That saturday he was supposed to come after work so around 1pm. I waited all day until 8 and decided to call him. I asked him if he was going to come and he said no that he would tomorrow. I said would you like me to make this easy on you, are you going to break up with me? He said yes. I begged for a second chance but he said he was done. I found out the next day from a friend that he was hanging out with another girl the day after he broke up with me. I called him that weekend and asked to hang out and he said no. I called him the next weekend to ask again and he didnt answer. I left him a message and told him to call me back and he did. We talked and he was rude to me I realized at the end of the convo that he was at this other girls house. I was devestated. I left him an angry email about how rude it was to talk to me while she sat there as well as a few more things. I didnt hear from him for two weeks. It would have been longer but I heard that he and this girl had began dating. I called him just to find out and really didnt expect him to answer but he did. He told me he had been thinking of calling me and he had planned to the next day. We talked for two hours. I have never talked to him for two hours on the phone ever. He told me how he is afraid to have sex with his new girlfriend. I told him how I couldnt imagine being with anyone(intimately)other then him and he said neither can I. He made it seem as though he missed me as if he made a mistake. He also informed me that his new girlfriend "used" to drink and do drugs and she has had sex with two other guys. These are things that are a big deal to him. He doesnt even talk to his own cousin because she has done drugs. And for him to be with someone who has had sex with more then one person, that amazes me. I dont get why she is so much better then me. So being stupid I called him the next day and told him I needed to talk to him in person. The whol reason I want to talk is because I want to tell him that hes making a mistake and that I think we should try again though he doent know my reasons for wanting to talk to him. He said he would call me the next night late to decide when. He never called. The next day(monday) he did call though and he said he didnt know when but he would call me later in the week to let me know. I waited until Thursday and decided to call him. He was so rude to me telling me I dont know why you cant just tell me on the phone. I told him it was important and it had to be done in person. He told me that if he comes home he would be bringing his girlfriend with him. He agreed on calling me by Saturday to let me know what time on Sunday he could see me. That conversation also included me asking if he had sex with her yet. He told me it was none of my business. I asked why the week before he could tell me and he said that he realized after that he said to much. He said that if he said no then I would just keep asking and if he said yes I would hate him and never want to talk to him ever again. So Saturday came and I didnt recieve a call so I called him. We argued and finally agreed that I was to come to his house to talk while his girlfriend stayed inside. So here we are today Sunday the day I was supposed to go talk to him. He calls me and tells me he isnt coming home anymore. And he also realized it would be rude of him to talk to me with his girlfriend there. I said so what does that mean and he said cant you just tell me on the phone and I said no. He started to freak out. He told me that he doesnt believe me that its something important that it is just something that would piss him off. I told him that i was important and he said that hes sick of this and were just going in circles. I told him he needed to calm down and he said that he has been calm the last 5 times Ive called him. I said im not going to talk to him about this while shes standing right there and he said your not going to talk about it on the phone anyways. He said that he doesnt understand what could be so important that I need to tell him in person I said just do this then if you want you can never talk to me again. Hes like why do you need to say whatever this is why cant you just be done and never talk to me again now, I dont understand why you need to say this one last and then you can never talk to me again. I said that I was just saying if he didnt want to talk to me again after this then fine but its important that he knows this. I told him to call me when hes not with her and will can talk about it and he said fine but it wouldnt be until tomorrow. I dont know what to do. I just want to be with him so bad. I dont know why hes being mean to me. Its like hes only mean when hes with her. So just tell me what should I do. Is there any hope for us? Ive never felt so horrible in my whole life. When he calls tomorrow I dont know if I should tell him what I wanted to say in person or just let it go. I just want him back and I want to know how to get him.
silentcharon Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Hun, your boyfriend broke up with you regardless of his reasons, it's over. He's being an ass because you keep calling him. Men are simple- by breaking up with you, he gave you his answer. The more you call him, the less he's going to want to be around you. I strongly recommend NC. Look up Caliguy, you'll find some excellent information written by him on the topic of NC. There isn't anything you can do- in fact, telling him that you think he's making a mistake will be coloured by the fact you are his ex. It is his life, let him do what he wants, and he is no longer your concern. Go NC, and use the time to concentrate on yourself. It'll be difficult, but you can do it. Keep coming here if you need to vent, we're here for you. Hang in there!
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 1. I dont know why hes being mean to me. Its like hes only mean when hes with her. 2. So just tell me what should I do. 3. Is there any hope for us? 4. I dont know if I should tell him what I wanted to say in person or just let it go. 5. I just want him back and I want to know how to get him. 1. When he is with her when you are around, you represent something that is getting in the way of his new relationship. I expect his new girlfriend wouldn't be too happy seeing him be nice to you, either. 2. Honestly? The best thing to do is to tell him that you love him and that you care for him, but you simply cannot continue to keep hurting yourself by keeping him in your life. Let him know that you need time and space away from him, and ask him not to contact you in any way, shape or form and do not contact him. Then... begin that process of letting him go emotionally as you distance yourself physically. 3. Not right now, no. He has moved on - he may still be holding on to old feelings that he has for you, but not enough for him to stop seeing this other girl and come back to you. 4. If you want to talk to him in person, then do that - but it has to be in the context of letting go, not begging him to break up with the other girl and come back to you. That will accomplish nothing. Look for #2 up there if you want to know what would be best to say to him. 5. Right now there is absolutely nothing you can do to get him back. All you can do is let him know how you feel, and let him go. If you cut him off, he will have the opportunity to really think about what it means to let you go and he will be able to decide then whether or not he wants to come back. I have to tell you though, that as long as he has this new girlfriend he isn't going to have a chance to really think about missing you and coming back to you. He is going to be too busy moving on with someone new. He is going to move on regardless of whether or not you continue contact with him. The only thing that keeping in contact will do, though is prolong your hurt and make his moving on process a little slower - but it won't stop it. Its like the old 'bandaid' thing - one way or the other it has to come off. Whether you rip it off quickly or slowly and painfully work it off is up to you.
Author mat56 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 Thank you both so much for your advice. Would you suggest I not answer the phone when he calls tomorrow or should I answer? I feel silly for asking questions like this but Im honestly lost when it comes to this relationship
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 The 2 posters above have given excellent advice. You're both still so very young, I am sure he just wants to experience other relationships. I know it's a very painful fact to accept but I believe it's the truth. NC is the best to do and ignore the calls, etc, for you to truly move on it has to end completely. Post here when you feel an urge to call him, there's also threads here you can post in designed for those going through NC who are feeling the urge to break NC.
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