alextop30 Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Ok this has been bugging me for a while now so might as well get it out. Like the question in my topic What makes up a man. I know that there is no straight answer but describe - women what have you found yourself wanting in a man. Guys what is it that your girls love about you and what do think is a real man. I have tried to see this into my father but never have I really seen it - when he is wrong, no sorry nothing, he can hit and break something no appology. He tries to make decitions about the whole family but always falls back and says that we all made the decition together but what ever. I thought man is suppoce to look strong - His attitude looking like he is full of himself - cocky and most importantly sweet. A real man is proud enough to say " I am wrong" when he is and appologize for his mistake. A man is to carry out his desitions and take all the consequences that come with that deciton. So tell me am I wrong what did I miss. In your eyes what makes up a MAN
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 A real man has honour but so does a real woman. The rest will fall in line if you hold true to this philosophy.
Lights Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Guys...what do think is a real man. In your eyes what makes up a MAN A man is an adult male human. Nothing more, nothing less. That's the way it's always been, no matter how many people try to define some men that have certain qualities they personally prefer as being "real" and others as being "fake".
IpAncA Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 What a loaded question Alex. No two answers are going to be the same.
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 In truth I beleive that it starts with the golden rule to be honest. Then you have choices that must be made for the future and then the best for the family. My step daughter has called me on a few things and in order to teach her integrity and be true to myself, I had to tell her I was wrong (not saying I would rather be right in that case.) I guess TBF's post does sum in all up. The wife has told me that had she met me in her early 20's she would have passed me right by, I was too nice. I don't think I answered anything but I hoped I helped.
Author alextop30 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 sorry but I don't buy into the human male being. You are perfectly aware what I am asking. In our society today to be a true man there is a complex behaviors that you must exhibit in order to be accepted by women as a true man. Some people say that you need to have "balls" I have no Idea what that means. And mrmaximum thanks for the answer. I think that it helped but Honesty is one of the qualities that a True man has to have. Mainly I have noticed little things that we use in our speech, or that are expected from man but dont know why that is and am acutally wondering if there is something more? If u understand what I mean?
quankanne Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 what makes a man (or woman, for that matter): • someone who is flexible enough to change his/her mind when it means the betterment of a situation, and not seeing it as "giving in" • someone who is compasssionately honest, who will tell the truth, but in a way that is not destructive to the other person • someone who is willing to put another before him/herself when it is apparent that the other person's needs outweigh his/hers • someone not afraid to say, "I was wrong" about a behavior or opinion – to me, this shows strength of character, even when the apology comes a week or month after the event. It also tells me that this person is willing to consider another's thoughts on the issue • someone not afraid to be loving, and I know that tends to be a bigger issue for men, who pretty much are private people. But the person who is securing in being a loving person could possibly be much happier than one who closes him/herself off to others • someone willing to do kind things for others, just because. That reveals a big heart, one that isn't self-centered • someone who isn't so hung up on him/herself that they forget there's someone else in the room • someone who sees your pain and wants to share your burden – even if it's just to say, "I don't know how to comfort you" or brings you home a treat to cheer you up – because that shows he/she truly cares about what's going on with you. • someone who loves you so much that he/she puts up with nutty relatives, and who loves your "babies" (pets) because they're yours
sb129 Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Aw Quankanne, that was a lovely post. You just described my BF! He is my prince, after a VERY long line of frogs. Alex, Quankanne has hit the nail on the head. You couldn't get a better reply than that.
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Overall, it's up to you to define yourself. Realistically look to what you want to be and stand firm. The more you bend your principles through self-justification, the less of a man you will become. When I talk about principles and integrity, these are your core foundations, not the frivolous.
pelagicsands Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 It's all about the leverage of your tool. And be prepared to boldly go where no man has gone before.
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 sorry but I don't buy into the human male being. You are perfectly aware what I am asking. In our society today to be a true man there is a complex behaviors that you must exhibit in order to be accepted by women as a true man. Some people say that you need to have "balls" I have no Idea what that means. And mrmaximum thanks for the answer. I think that it helped but Honesty is one of the qualities that a True man has to have. Mainly I have noticed little things that we use in our speech, or that are expected from man but dont know why that is and am acutally wondering if there is something more? If u understand what I mean? I think I didn't word my post right. What I meant was that if I'm wrong, then I will admit it. There have been times that I have been giving my step daughter a lecture and then I get "But you do it!". I then have to agree and we both change. I believe that "do as I say and not as I do" DOESN'T exist. It is a cliche, but example isn't everything, it's THE ONLY THING where kids are involved. Communication is key, not all relationships are the same and that is where you and your gf/wife will have to hash out a lot of "rules" for what has to happen, what is accceptable and what isn't. When the communication goes, so goes the relationship.
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Alex, Quankanne's post was indeed a good one and pretty much all you need.
Author alextop30 Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 thanks for the advice - this has picked brain for a while coz I have seen so pretty bad things at home = 3 man at home. I was wondering what is actually a man because it is just outside look. Society puts pressure on us to be tough and look like we can take on anything - let me just say that is hard and at times gets too much. I have also had so much pressure by my father - I was told never to cry because that is sign of weakness and people would just take advantage = havent cried from 5 year old -- I have gotten myself in to the biggest s####. I am not trying to put on wining post just kind of looking at pressure and how that interacts with morals. Well Thanks for the answers guys if you got anything to add always happy to read it.
Wedded25 Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 FWIW, here's my crucial point re manhood: Real men don't freak out at the changes in their women's bodies over time. They realize normal life puts tremendous stress on the female body (resulting in weight gain, facial lines, stretch marks, etc.) and don't love their women one degree less for any of it, nor demand that their women be glowing and fabulous and pencil-thin 24/7/365. A few things brought this home for me: (1) I was once in a long supermarket line and picked up a women's magazine out of curiosity. It had an article about how to do one's makeup routine. I counted thirteen steps -- four on the face, four on the eyes, and four on the lips! And step one was, "organize your products for the twelve steps to follow!" Presumably all of this was essential to avoid job loss, spouse loss, and so on. Meanwhile, I was thinking that men don't even have to shave every day if they don't choose to. (2) Then there were several ads for facial products that "help smooth out laugh lines, frown lines, and worry lines." I remember thinking, "Hey, guys ... if you want a face that doesn't show evidence of it's owner's emotions, go marry an android or buy an inflatable doll!" (3) Finally, there was the bitter irony noted by Marge Piercy in her essay, "My, Haven't You Lost Weight": "We tell women that motherhood is a sacred duty, yet every indication on a woman's body that she has performed that duty is punished." Men who spare their women the considerable time, worry and expense of jumping through beautification hoops qualify for my "Real Man" award. (And even if women have to go to that trouble for others, like employers, real men give their women a "comfort zone" of freedom from this in their own homes.)
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Men who spare their women the considerable time, worry and expense of jumping through beautification hoops qualify for my "Real Man" award. (And even if women have to go to that trouble for others, like employers, real men give their women a "comfort zone" of freedom from this in their own homes.) I couldn't agree more. Life is anal enough as it is. Well said!!
quankanne Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I have also had so much pressure by my father - I was told never to cry because that is sign of weakness and people would just take advantage = havent cried from 5 year old crying is a private thing, is prolly what your dad should have said. Frankly, I'd ignore what he told you (that it's a sign of weakness), because a good cry can be incredibly cathartic. The trick is that if you feel a need for a good bawling, do it in privacy. Long road trips alone are my time to shed tears, because I can weep I can rage I can talk to myself without making someone else uncomfortable. and I feel so much better for gettng it off my chest ... don't ignore your emotions because you're trying to live up to someone else's expectations. All that crap builds and builds until it just can't do anything but spew and hurt someone in the process. If you give yourself a safety valve (in the privacy of your shower, your car, your bedroom), you allowing yourself to live healthy.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 alex, I highly encourage you to read some of Gunny376's posts, if you want to learn to be a man.
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