searchingforanswers Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 She views things as impossible to fix and said I had been abused and needed to recognize it and I was COMPLETELY blindsided by these statements. From my point of view it all unraveled in one day. From her point of view it had been happening for months. I was blindsided because we appeared and felt like a very healthy and happy couple to me and everyone around us. I'm not saying we were without problems, but I felt our problems were not uncommon. I can't let go completely. I tried contacting her even though she changed her number one week after breaking off our engagement. I thought my attempts, spread out over two months, were completely within reason. I was greeted with a cease and desist letter. A major sticking point, and the only thing that makes any sense to me, deals with our sex life. The last thing she said to me on the phone when she told me she was not interested in reconciling was she screamed at me that I was a sick and disgusting human being. She made a very, nasty accusation towards me. I was crushed by this. For one, I thought we had a spectacular relationship. Secondly, how could I have done something so hurtful to my partner and not be aware of it? I am a very sensitive person. We did, in fact, have a very physical and often violent sex life. We did, in fact, both share rape fantasies and we both acted out somewhat abusively in the bedroom (hey, everyone has their kinks). One night I was rougher and more vulgar than usual. We never talked about how the boundaries were stretched that night. But this is the only thing I can see making any sense for how she is acting towards me. I'm moving in two weeks. Leaving this physical environment all behind. But still I want to say goodbye to her. It's been five months. I shouldn't want/need to say goodbye, but I don't want to hang on to the anger. How can two people view things so differently? Can there ever be forgiveness? How can I let go and leave this all behind me? People say time, time, time but time won't guarantee me seeing her again or us ever talking about what happened. And that's what I want. I want to understand her and I want her to understand me.
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