txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 my boyfriend constantly looks at porn....the thing is, I don't really didn't mind it that much at first, but now it's like he hides it all the time. I can go back and look at all the cookies and see where he's been. When I bring it up, he just laughs, and when it starts to bother me, I keep saying something about him looking at it and he gets mad at me. I don't think I'd be as mad if he wasn't hiding it. I'm just concerned that he's not attracked to me, or I'm doing something that makes him look at it? Trust me, it's not that I'm not giving it up, because I am, more than he wants really. I just need to know if it's just something he needs to look at all the time, or if there is something totally wrong with me? If guys answer this, I would really like to hear your opinion. I've looked at porn myself, but not as much as he does and never hid it.
Tony T Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Naked women are nice to look at for a while...then it gets old. It's much better to look at it intermittently. I'd say if your boyfriend is totally obsessed with it you've got a problem. Generally, it's accepted that if a member of a relationship obsesses with porn to the point it affects the relationship in a negative way then it's a problem and needs to be dealt with. It sounds like your boyfriend may have an addiction to porn. You can Google that term and get lots of information. There are just so many ways people can have sex...and so many pubic areas, etc. that you can look at before it truly gets boring. There's nothing to replace the hot body of a beloved person who is in your life. Your boyfriend is not alone. Porn has destroyed millions of relationships and marriages, particularly since the advent of the Internet where porn is a multi billion dollar business...and so much of it is even for free.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 and so many pubic areas You forgot the L in pubic...It's okay though, I've spelled it out that way in past threads here too. There isn't anything wrong with you, so don't feel he doesn't love you, he does...The thing is, he could easily be enjoying the porn and masterbation MORE than sex with you - Again, this isn't about you or his love for you, it's about HIM and how porn makes HIM feel while he's masterbating. That can be addictive so if you find that he is choosing to whack off more than have sex, definately talk to him and tell him it's time to focus on a live warm body instead of watching porn. How is the rest of your relationship minus the porn issue?
pelagicsands Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 When I bring it up, he just laughs, and when it starts to bother me, I keep saying something about him looking at it and he gets mad at me. I don't think I'd be as mad if he wasn't hiding it. I wonder who he is really mad at? The fact that he laughs seems very disrespectful. He should pay more attention to you, and less to his penis.
Guest Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 thank you all for answering. For one, I'm not sure that he's really wacking off to it, he looks at it when at all different times of the day. When I'm in the shower, walking the dog, anytime when I leave the room, as well as when I leave for a bit or when I go to bed. One day I actually handed him a bottle of lotion when I caught him closing the website, he didn't think I saw it, and he threw it across the room. The rest of our relationship is fine, other than the normal couples issues. Sex is good too, I'm not the normal girl, I'm the one with the high sex drive, that's why it's confusing why he looks at porn. So now what? Talking to him doesn't do any good, and I agree, what is he really mad about? Maybe that he's getting caught? I've even brought up "lets look at some porn" pulled something up myself, while we were together, and he freaked out.
Author txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 thank you all for answering. For one, I'm not sure that he's really wacking off to it, he looks at it when at all different times of the day. When I'm in the shower, walking the dog, anytime when I leave the room, as well as when I leave for a bit or when I go to bed. One day I actually handed him a bottle of lotion when I caught him closing the website, he didn't think I saw it, and he threw it across the room. The rest of our relationship is fine, other than the normal couples issues. Sex is good too, I'm not the normal girl, I'm the one with the high sex drive, that's why it's confusing why he looks at porn. So now what? Talking to him doesn't do any good, and I agree, what is he really mad about? Maybe that he's getting caught? I've even brought up "lets look at some porn" pulled something up myself, while we were together, and he freaked out.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 he looks at it when at all different times of the day. When I'm in the shower, walking the dog, anytime when I leave the room, as well as when I leave for a bit or when I go to bed See, to me that IS excessive. There's no real need to go looking at porn for afew stolen moments while you're out of the room...WTF. Maybe he's just a pig and enjoys looking at boobies...I don't know. Why did he freak out about watching porn together? I think you're on to something here......... DO you know what kind of porn he's looking at?
Author txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 I agree with the WTF...it doesn't seem like he has enough time to do anything when he's just "peeking". There are ALOT of different cookies....365 live, all kinds of anal sites, teen sites, sex info 101, whatever that is, videos, blah blah, there are so many that I see in the cookies, he just doesn't know I can see those, he just thinks when he deletes history I can't see anything. Not sure why he freaked out...he actually called me a freak, and that was after I caught him doing it....when he didn't know that I knew.....maybe it's just something that he thinks should be a guy thing? I mean, I look up toys and stuff and he doesn't like it....it's like he likes keeping a secret of his own...if that makes any sense?
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 So he doesn't delete the cookies, just the history? Well, it depends on how you want to handle this. You know it isn't about YOU. This is about him...So, what is missing inside of him. Has something happened recently that has made him change? Depressed? His job? Is he stressed out? A recent incident, problem with family, etc?? I wonder how gently you can ask him about this. He could be unhappy and just isn't sure how to go about doing something about it...
Author txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 nope, not the cookies....I try deleting them myself thinking he won't go back, I'm stupid. he was on medication for depression and he stopped taking it....but he's always looked at it, just more the last few weeks or so....no family issues, job is going fine...everything seems fine. If something at work is bothering him he tells me about it...usually he tells me pretty much everything that's wrong.... I have asked him nicely and talked to him, or tried to, way before the lotion thing.....he just gets defensive, or mad and starts getting an attitude with me....I've even told him it bothers me and makes me feel like something is wrong with me....he just was "whatever"
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Maybe he needs to go back on his meds - OR at the very least, some counselling? Did he talk to a therapist while dealing with his depression and being on meds?
pelagicsands Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I take it that you are indulging in anal? If not, then this is the perfect time to introduce it into the relationship. I think it may well solve all your problems.
Author txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 he's seeing one now....and that's one thing I even brought up....I asked him if he told his therapist about looking at porn all the time....that just got him upset and not talking to me for a while.....I've seen people talk about it before and said it's like an addiction like smoking and that's just something he's going to do....but this is the first time I've said something about it....not sure if that's true or not....
Author txtude Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 I do pretty much everything with him....almost to the point he thinks I'm a freak so it's not that, I know.
pelagicsands Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I do pretty much everything with him....almost to the point he thinks I'm a freak so it's not that, I know. It's good to have like-minded people here on LoveShack.
georgejungle Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Constantly looking at it? NO, Not good. Looking at it every now and then is fine. IMHO
tornintwo Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 hi, im going through exactly the same thing with my bf too, from the moment he gets in from work till the moment he goes to bed he's on the internet looking at porn, it's destroying our 4 year relationship.. i cant say a word about it, like your bf mine gets v v angry, i cant even talk about normal things to him when he's looking at it because it "destracts" him! it ridiculus, i like porn and sex, but when your looking at porn more than your having sex it's a big problem.
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Tornintwo, why are you wasting you life with a guy you can't even talk to? 4 years is a long time, but if he is unwilling to change, or even discuss how porn is ruining the relationship, what's the point in staying with him? SHOW HIM how upset you are...Until he understands and feels consquences, nothing will change.
tornintwo Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 im living abroad with this guy and have nothing to go home too, also going through a visa process, lots of little things so i cant just walk away.. im getting used to him not really caring anyway, its been a long time.. he's never said i love you, said he WONT marry me.. i know the drill by now..
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 So, you're settling to stay with a guy who kind of makes you miserable, you two don't talk much and he's angry if you bring up porn or try to fix things?? Sorry, this is a receipe for an affair to happen...Fact too he doesn't say I love you and has no intention of marrying you???? Ouch... He could be just as unhappy as you are. Maybe once your visa is settled, you two should sit and talk it out, to see if the relationship is worth saving?
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 he's seeing one now....and that's one thing I even brought up....I asked him if he told his therapist about looking at porn all the time....that just got him upset and not talking to me for a while.....I've seen people talk about it before and said it's like an addiction like smoking and that's just something he's going to do....but this is the first time I've said something about it....not sure if that's true or not.... I do pretty much everything with him....almost to the point he thinks I'm a freak so it's not that, I know. Things won't change until YOU make something happen. You can't live live like this! That just plain sucks! Porn can be just as addictive as doing drugs...It's an escape, a fantasy and it's safe. His mindset is so unhealthy - He BETTER be talking to his therapist about this stuff, otherwise what is the point of therapy??? I know people don't like change, it's hard to do, but if things are to get better, something has to change - HIS porn viewing.
knaveman Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 But porn is the only time I get to see naked women. damn. Just remember, if it wasn't for porn, we wouldn't have an internet right now. God bless porn. Seriously, if you look at porn that much and have a gf, there are problems. Everytime I have a gf (ok, the few times) I look at almost no porn. Gotta look at some still, I mean c'mon it's porn, we have history. Oh, and I have unusual libido. Really, lose the guy and be happy, really happy. Never settle, you're wasting good happy time.
Aussie65 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 My boyfriend told me in front of his friends after finding porn mags in his car one day that THEY planted them in there and he said he wasn't interested in things like that. Ok so I have no problem with it but when searching for some lost cinema tickets yesterday I came across a mag in his bill folder so what did I do?I tore it up and put a cooking magazine in there lol..now,what can he say?if he asks me about the mag ill say "what mag?you dont look at them remember?" and deny the whole thing...see,pays to be upfront and honest. At least you know about his obsession...pull out the whips and chains and give him some,he might be into that
Sobri821 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 My boyfreind does the same thing. Only he does not look at porn when ever I am around, or step out the room for a few minutes. If we have sex in the morning that day he wont look at it at all. He looks at it when I'm at work or out for a while. My problem is I don't like him deleting it. Sometimes I also feel that when he does it, it makes him not want sex with me. I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that I don't have a problem with porn, I know all men do it and will masturbate even without portn. I just don't like him being secretive and trying to hide it. WHY? I sometimes look at porn, granted not nearly as often or as long as he does. I sometimes even read literotica, but I never try to hide it. I noticed that talking to him in an acusing, it way made him angry and embarrassed so I stoped being upset. I told him it does not bother me, but I just don't like him being secretive. Nothing you have to hide from someone is good. And if you are looking at regular porn then why be ashamed? Wepurchased porn tapes and watch some together. We don't over do it, but it makes things fun. We joke about it and I notice he does not do it as often. He still does it, but not as much.
Sobri821 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 My boyfreind does the same thing. Only he does not look at porn when ever I am around, or step out the room for a few minutes. If we have sex in the morning that day he wont look at it at all. He looks at it when I'm at work or out for a while. My problem is I don't like him deleting it. Sometimes I also feel that when he does it, it makes him not want sex with me. I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that I don't have a problem with porn, I know all men do it and will masturbate even without portn. I just don't like him being secretive and trying to hide it. WHY? I sometimes look at porn, granted not nearly as often or as long as he does. I sometimes even read literotica, but I never try to hide it. I noticed that talking to him in an acusing, it way made him angry and embarrassed so I stoped being upset. I told him it does not bother me, but I just don't like him being secretive. Nothing you have to hide from someone is good. And if you are looking at regular porn then why be ashamed? Wepurchased porn tapes and watch some together. We don't over do it, but it makes things fun. We joke about it and I notice he does not do it as often. He still does it, but not as much.
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