pricillia Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Yes YSM should stay out of it.... she can still talk to the friend, but would not have if she was not encouraged to do so by husband.. either talk to one or the other but not both... and it has to be because it is genuine not to gather information... and I always say well there is someone worse off then you so appreciate what you have...
pureinheart Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Just stay safe YSM....in reading the points that the OP's brought up, realized these situations can be explosive coupled with major mind games.....(((((((((huggs)))))))))
Author yousaveme Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 Thanks for everyones advice. I made that same decision of staying out of it last night. This isnt a place I want to be involved in. The husband called again today. I didnt answer my phone. I am sure he will call again tomorrow. At which point I am going to tell him that I dont feel comfortable being in the middle. He has certain facts ( the motel room, the HUGE unexplainable cellphone bill etc...) He is smart enough to see what is going on and I dont need to confirm anything for him. When speaking with her today she NOW tells me that she is a week late. She isnt sure if its nerves or if she is PG. She said she is going to give it a few days more and then get a test. I asked her if she knew this OM/MM well enough to know what he would do if she was in fact PG. Of course she said she didnt know what he would do. ( I wanted to scream at her and say wait he is suppose to be leaving his wife this week and now you dont know what he will do if you need up PG - but i bite my tongue) Like I have said before I am OW. But for some reason this situtation makes me ill.
mrmaximum Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I understand your stance on not telling the hubby what's going on, however, if things are going this way and she is indeed preggers, even if you do it anonimously, please let the STBXH know that this kid may not be his. No man deserves that, espcially not a man in his position.
pricillia Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I understand your stance on not telling the hubby what's going on, however, if things are going this way and she is indeed preggers, even if you do it anonimously, please let the STBXH know that this kid may not be his. No man deserves that, espcially not a man in his position. no way she should not do that... no way!!! The husband needs to talk to his wife and get to the bottom of things!!! The only thing that YSM needs to tell him is just that... He is the only one that should be questioning his wife and his wife needs to have the balls to tell her husband the truth. It is not YSM's job to do so no freakin way:)
GreenEyedLady Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Besides, it might not be a matter of her not knowing who the dad is...if she and her H haven't even been intimate recently, he'd KNOW he wasn't the father anyway... And it's not up to YSM to deliver news like that...P is right!
Author yousaveme Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 Im not saying a word. NO WAY NO HOW. I asked her who ( if she is PG) the father might be. Since she hasnt slept with her husband since Feb. She is positive its the OM/MM kid. This is a train wreck and I am going to be standing a thousand miles away from this one.
mrmaximum Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Besides, it might not be a matter of her not knowing who the dad is...if she and her H haven't even been intimate recently, he'd KNOW he wasn't the father anyway... And it's not up to YSM to deliver news like that...P is right! I agree with the first part of your statement, but you have no idea of how many guys are going through crap like this. As I said do it anonimously but this guy shouldn't have to take care of another man's child simply because he was kept in the dark. Think it's simple and not really a big deal? Google "Mommy's Little Secret" it will open your eyes. It's bad for the man AND the child. Sorry, he just doesn't deserve that.
mrmaximum Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Im not saying a word. NO WAY NO HOW. I asked her who ( if she is PG) the father might be. Since she hasnt slept with her husband since Feb. She is positive its the OM/MM kid. This is a train wreck and I am going to be standing a thousand miles away from this one. Then you need to stay the hell away from this whole mess like the other posters are saying, you will get dragged in and you don't want that.
Author yousaveme Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 I honestly dont see how he has been kept in the dark. Other than he has preferred to wear blinders for the whole mess. 1. She got a motel room ( for a few days away) he ( the husband ) saw her in her truck with the OM/MM. She said they were only talking. 2. $700 or so on a cell phone. To this OM/MM. Which she said they were only talking 3. Debt card charges in and around the area the OM/MM works. ( Which is out of the way from her home) 4. She hasnt been coming home until 1 - 2am So with all due respect I think he already has his answers. I agree with the first part of your statement, but you have no idea of how many guys are going through crap like this. As I said do it anonimously but this guy shouldn't have to take care of another man's child simply because he was kept in the dark. Think it's simple and not really a big deal? Google "Mommy's Little Secret" it will open your eyes. It's bad for the man AND the child. Sorry, he just doesn't deserve that.
mrmaximum Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I honestly dont see how he has been kept in the dark. Other than he has preferred to wear blinders for the whole mess. 1. She got a motel room ( for a few days away) he ( the husband ) saw her in her truck with the OM/MM. She said they were only talking. 2. $700 or so on a cell phone. To this OM/MM. Which she said they were only talking 3. Debt card charges in and around the area the OM/MM works. ( Which is out of the way from her home) 4. She hasnt been coming home until 1 - 2am So with all due respect I think he already has his answers. I'd be lying if I said I had no problem with you not helping the innocent party, but I can respect your descion. My only beef would be if there was a chance he would be on the hook for a kid that wasn't his. You don't have to worry about that, thank God, but beleive me when I say that men do not deserve to be put in that postion. Then I would advise you to tip him off, even if you do so annonymously. He should have a right to know that she would be snowing him. That's all.
Author yousaveme Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 I think someone should tell him. She has told others that she has been close with since her and I stopped speaking. I know that he even went other this other persons house very emotional the say she left. I also feel how can i say anything when I am OW myself I'd be lying if I said I had no problem with you not helping the innocent party, but I can respect your descion. My only beef would be if there was a chance he would be on the hook for a kid that wasn't his. You don't have to worry about that, thank God, but beleive me when I say that men do not deserve to be put in that postion. Then I would advise you to tip him off, even if you do so annonymously. He should have a right to know that she would be snowing him. That's all.
Author yousaveme Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Well guys. Here is the latest. The OM/MM moved out this weekend. He is living with a friend for the time being and then I guess moving in with her. As far as I know the W in the situtation doesnt know their involvement. But I guess now with this new turn of events it will only be a matter of time. The H still hasnt been told the truth yet. As far as I know. He has various ideas , but his W hasnt confirmed anything for him. And I refuse to be the person to say anything. Well, here is the update on that situtation.
JustBecause Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Well guys. Here is the latest. The OM/MM moved out this weekend. He is living with a friend for the time being and then I guess moving in with her. As far as I know the W in the situtation doesnt know their involvement. But I guess now with this new turn of events it will only be a matter of time. The H still hasnt been told the truth yet. As far as I know. He has various ideas , but his W hasnt confirmed anything for him. And I refuse to be the person to say anything. Well, here is the update on that situtation. Just let them do their thing. Stay out of it. You have your own set of problems to deal with anyway.
Felixstowe Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Ha, this reminds me of how my brothers marriage ended. Wife on their third anniversary tells him he's moving out, needs to clear her head, turns into a grade a bitch. He moves out, and two days later, he moves in, sunrise, sunset. Personally my advice to you is not to continue the friendship, she has shown herself for what she is, she must have absolutely no conscience, or figures herself a real genius. (Why is it always the dumb ones who think they're being clever?) Personally, she's not the sort of person anyone wants to be associated with. (I have an aunt, just like her, hence the reason I live as far away from her as possible.)
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