yousaveme Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I had to post this because I still cant believe my ears. I was friends with someone for quite awhile. But for reasons I dont really know we stopped talking. It has been a little over a year. But oh well. Well, yesterday I ran into her husband. I havent seen him in ages. When he approached me I thought he would be telling me that they were expecting. Since the last time I spoken with the wife they were in the process of trying. I was shocked to hear that she in fact was moving out the following day. Its no surprise that they had some problems throughout their relationship. But I was shocked to hear that after being married for just about 2.5 years. She was leaving. He told me that there was someone else and that she was denying the whole thing and was using other excuses for the marriage ending. He also told me that she was involved with a coworkers husband. That there were 700.00 worth of cell phones calls between his wife and this other guy. That she got a motel room ( which she claims she needed time away) for 3 days. And that he has also traced her debit card usage to the are where this guy works. His wife denys everything. The wife of the other man doesnt believe it either. Well, my friends husband asked me to call her and find out what is going on. I wasnt sure if I was or wasnt. He called later that night to let me know she was home packing. So I broke down and called. She seemed happy to hear from me. And we talked quite abit and caught up on eachothers lives. She confided in me about the issues they were having. And then proceeded to tell me that she was involved with someone else. Who he was etc... She told me that she goes over to the home and has dinner with the couple and their kids. Basically is over all the time. Not to mention the fact she works everyday with her. The wife has no clue about the two of them other then everyone is friends. She then proceeded to tell me that the wife loaned her 500.00 for the first months rent at the new place she was moving to. I have no clue what to say about this situtation. But that takes BIG BALLS to not only sit there everyday with the wife but also take a loan from her.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 She accepted money from the woman whose husband she's having an affair with???!!! No frigging way! YSM, you can post the outcome of this on the thread about violence in betrayal, because this woman is liable to go ballistic when she learns the truth. As we all know, if the WW is leaving her husband then it won't be long before she starts putting more demands on MM, D day is right around the corner. Gosh, that is sad, I don't know how people like that live with themselves. Those two deserve each other and the BS's will be better off with out them. Are you reporting back to your friend???
zeldazelda Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 she's sleeping with the woman's husband. it seems silly to hold this woman to such high esteem that she wouldn't take money from the same woman whose husband she is screwing.
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 WOW YSM....what a trip....this individual has no conscience at all....how sad.... Thanks for sharing this story with us....
Author yousaveme Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 I just about fell off the chair when she told me she accepted the money... Like I said that takes BALLS. I dont know what to do. Everyone here knows my situtation so talking about this doesnt make me any better I guess. I will post what is going on because I included am interested to see how this plays out. She is moving out today and the husband is helping her move a few things. She accepted money from the woman whose husband she's having an affair with???!!! No frigging way! YSM, you can post the outcome of this on the thread about violence in betrayal, because this woman is liable to go ballistic when she learns the truth. As we all know, if the WW is leaving her husband then it won't be long before she starts putting more demands on MM, D day is right around the corner. Gosh, that is sad, I don't know how people like that live with themselves. Those two deserve each other and the BS's will be better off with out them. Are you reporting back to your friend???
Author yousaveme Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 I honestly am still in shock. Not that the marriage went south. But more about being friends with the other man's wife. Taking money from her. Having dinner with them. Being at the house just about all night. She works with her 8 hours a day. This has to be a OW for the record books. WOW YSM....what a trip....this individual has no conscience at all....how sad.... Thanks for sharing this story with us....
pureinheart Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I honestly am still in shock. Not that the marriage went south. But more about being friends with the other man's wife. Taking money from her. Having dinner with them. Being at the house just about all night. She works with her 8 hours a day. This has to be a OW for the record books. One of my ex-H's did that....he got close to the H to see her....he was over there all of the time for months until I finally got mad. The result was, he left me and moved in over there. I felt so guilty about contemplating ANOTHER D, I mean did I really have grounds this time, I didn't know he was having an A....then I got a letter from her H about 4 mo later(I had met him a few times) telling me everything about their A and how it was right under his nose....how he had felt sorry for my ex because I was such a B and took him under his wing so to speak....what a manipulator! Also ex-MM did it to his W too....he hooked up with all of her friends....his W would let them stay there, right under her nose too ....he told me about all of them.....too much! You know YSM, your situation is much different....hers is pre-meditated all of the way and that is why this is so shocking to you....big difference there....
pricillia Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I will not judge this OW not saying she has balls or not, but obviously she has no one else to turn to in this situation. Also this previous friend, nice that her husband had you do the dirty work, I hope that you are not reporting back to him.... Don't let him put you in the middle of this to gather information to him. and another thing... the MM has not been called out in this scenario either... Why am I not surprised???
Author yousaveme Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Her husband has called me several times today. And I havent said much other than we have been just basically catching up from not talking the past year. I spoke with her a few moments ago to find out that her husband set her things up for her new place. ( She is leading him to believe she needs some time to clear her head and see what happens) And then she went to the OM/MM house while her friend the wife was out shopping. I still am completely shocked by this whole thing. I am not saying there is a right way to be a OW. But this is crazy.
vanilla chai Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Some people just don't have any common decency. I would love to be a fly on the wall when the sh*t hits the fan
pricillia Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Her husband has called me several times today. And I havent said much other than we have been just basically catching up from not talking the past year. I spoke with her a few moments ago to find out that her husband set her things up for her new place. ( She is leading him to believe she needs some time to clear her head and see what happens) And then she went to the OM/MM house while her friend the wife was out shopping. I still am completely shocked by this whole thing. I am not saying there is a right way to be a OW. But this is crazy. There is no right way to be an OW or a Cheater, But becarefull YSM... if you are catching up with this woman and she is telling you all of these things she obviously trusts you enough to do so you should decide what role you want to play in this, if you two connected again maybe you can help her through this and maybe she needs some support to help her get out of the situation...only time will tell There is hurt involved and will continue to be hurt + another few doses if the wife finds out.
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 That makes YSM a cover-upper, and not a friend of the marriage. Its good to know who your friends are when you're down.
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 PS I'm just saying the gaslighting and the games with a BS's life - and involving multiple players into the scheme of lies - is cruel... and if you were really her friend you would tell her the truth, too. All you have to do is tell her to tell him everything or else you will tell him everything. Thats all I'm saying.
boshemia Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Man, I usually befriend the wife of a male friend just so she knows nothing is going on. I try to make sure that she is included in everything so she has no reason to doubt... Since the wife and I are usually friends even if there were unwanted feelings they are easily squashed by my friendship with his wife... there's no way I could hurt another person like that... That's not balls... that's a total lack of soul...
pricillia Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 OMG... what is the difference if you know the wife or not, ether way it is painfull
woe_is_me Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 OMG... what is the difference if you know the wife or not, ether way it is painfull I know this is slightly off topic but for me, not knowing the wife made a HUGE difference... In all my 36 years i've never ONCE contemplated seducing a b/f or husband of any of my girlfriends or women that i know. I just could never ever do it. The fact that they were in a relationship with g/fs or acquantances of mine meant they were totally off limits..even if i did get the odd 'you know if i wasn't with such n such...bla bla bla' from the b/f or husband..hell, some have even gone as far as to come right out and hit on me...! The fact that i didn't and don't know MMs wife was probably a huge plus for him when it came to manipulating me month after month...
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Okay just one more thing. She is not a true friend of yours either because a real friend wouldn't have put you up to that. In other words, your being loyal to a unloyal person. Your honor is misplaced by protecting an affair from being disclosed (especially when you are asked for the truth) and thats bad karma. You'll just get used and stepped on by this friend, such as when BS finds out you knew and didnt tell him, when she tells him youre having an affair, too. It will be easy to blameshift all this on you. Thats what WS do. What if she ends up using him until she has all her divorce ducks in a row and her treachery is worse than you think, will this lie profoundly effect his quality of life forever... because of something he doesnt know that exists under the surface? He isnt allowed to know this? So if you tell her to tell him, you dont have to be the one to be the bad guy (because youre not the bad guy unless you choose to be.) You dont have to be her accomplice after the fact. And if shes so right on, that she is divorcing him and thats it, it's over and their m is dead, then let her put her money where her mouth is and that she should be the one to tell him the "truth".
boshemia Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I know this is slightly off topic but for me, not knowing the wife made a HUGE difference... In all my 36 years i've never ONCE contemplated seducing a b/f or husband of any of my girlfriends or women that i know. I just could never ever do it. The fact that they were in a relationship with g/fs or acquantances of mine meant they were totally off limits..even if i did get the odd 'you know if i wasn't with such n such...bla bla bla' from the b/f or husband..hell, some have even gone as far as to come right out and hit on me...! The fact that I didn't and don't know MMs wife was probably a huge plus for him when it came to manipulating me month after month... Exactly... being friends with the wife just clarifies the off-limits sign in my head. I don't mess with married men, and I don't want any wives to be uncomfortable with our friendship. A lot of my friendships pre-date the marriage, and I want the wife to know that I understand that her relationship with him is sacred to me and I understand that she comes first, but I still hope she'll let us have our friendship... in cases where the wife was uncomfortable with the friendship, I backed out and only talk to those friends on rare occassions... I guess it makes a difference to me, because as a former betrayed spouse I would never want to put that pain on anyone else, ever...
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I know this is slightly off topic but for me, not knowing the wife made a HUGE difference... In all my 36 years i've never ONCE contemplated seducing a b/f or husband of any of my girlfriends or women that i know. I just could never ever do it. The fact that they were in a relationship with g/fs or acquantances of mine meant they were totally off limits..even if i did get the odd 'you know if i wasn't with such n such...bla bla bla' from the b/f or husband..hell, some have even gone as far as to come right out and hit on me...! The fact that i didn't and don't know MMs wife was probably a huge plus for him when it came to manipulating me month after month... What happened in the marriage to cause this? For the most part A's don't happen in a vaccum, but I believe I came across a passage in one of your posts that state that the marriage didn't go south. If this is true then I agree that maybe you shouldn't tell the soon to be Ex hubby ALL that is going on, but he has a right to be prepared for what is happening, he didn't destory the marriage, if what you are saying is true, why should he suffer? I also agree that if she is that selfish and is cheating for her own ends that you need to watch your back and protect yourself. If this plays out and the shyt hits that fan, it will get on you, she will see to that. Her own hubby is being lied to, what makes you so special that it won't happen to you too?
woe_is_me Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 What happened in the marriage to cause this? For the most part A's don't happen in a vaccum, but I believe I came across a passage in one of your posts that state that the marriage didn't go south. If this is true then I agree that maybe you shouldn't tell the soon to be Ex hubby ALL that is going on, but he has a right to be prepared for what is happening, he didn't destory the marriage, if what you are saying is true, why should he suffer? I also agree that if she is that selfish and is cheating for her own ends that you need to watch your back and protect yourself. If this plays out and the shyt hits that fan, it will get on you, she will see to that. Her own hubby is being lied to, what makes you so special that it won't happen to you too? um.. is all this directed at me? because i haven't the faintest idea whose ex hubby you are talking about... i'm not married.
scaredinlove Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I honestly am still in shock. Not that the marriage went south. But more about being friends with the other man's wife. Taking money from her. Having dinner with them. Being at the house just about all night. She works with her 8 hours a day. This has to be a OW for the record books. Don't get involved in their bussiness anymore, if you haven't talked to your friend before and it was fine, stop talking. When the S*** hits the fan you will have her ans her H cursing you out. Let them deal w/ their craziness.Get yourself out of it.
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 um.. is all this directed at me? because i haven't the faintest idea whose ex hubby you are talking about... i'm not married. I meant yousaveme, meaning that her friend is straying not because of one of her needs not being met by her spouse, but for another more selfish reason and has balls of brass in using her MM's wife. Sorry, I disagree with using people for your own ends, people are NOT things to be used and discarded when their usefulness is finished.
GreenEyedLady Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I think YSM should stay out of it...who's more your friend? Her STBXH can get someone else to do his dirty work, like a PI... Being loyal to an unloyal person? In my book a friend is a frisnd regardless of the choices they make...Aren't BS loyal to an unloyal person, their spouse?
mrmaximum Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I think YSM should stay out of it...who's more your friend? Her STBXH can get someone else to do his dirty work, like a PI... Being loyal to an unloyal person? In my book a friend is a frisnd regardless of the choices they make...Aren't BS loyal to an unloyal person, their spouse? If they stay, yes. Then again the betrayal is most likely assumed past tense. There is an aspect of continued betrayal here, although not with the STBXH.
woe_is_me Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 oooh k sorry mr max.. i didn't see the the post title
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