littlepiggy1 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 This is... why I don't get involved with women. First of all, why do I seem to attract the emotionally needy/insecure women? My ex g/f was that way, this other girl I went out with briefly last year was obviously that way (I could see the signs coming a mile away) and I ended up flat out rejecting her. So this brings us to last night (or still tonight I suppose). Whatever. Some backstory. I worked with this guy for a couple years. Got to know him, met his wife a couple times, helped out taking care of their pets when they went away. Basically, was just trying to be a friend. No hidden motives or nothing. I fall out of touch with them. I recently get a phone call from the guy's wife because one of their pets whom I had cared for had died. Now this is a woman who treats her pets like her children, and she's quite upset. I'm sympathetic, because I have pets of my own and just try to be a friend, offer some emotional support, that's about it. She also lays on me that her and her husband split up a year ago (although she hasn't completely cut ties with him yet). So again, I try to be supportive as she lays all this emotional burden out right? Now, I know what you're thinking. A typical "nice guy" move is to be a shoulder of support feigning interest, while secretly hoping to put the moves on her. Well I wasn't thinking that. In fact, I was concious of the fact that this could be perceived as one of those situations even though it wasn't. Anyway, we fall out of touch again for a month or so. She calls me up. We talk again, she's still pretty upset, lays out various stuff on me, again I try to offer some supportive words. She also asks to meet up at a pub. Me, being somewhat naive, thinks, "oh she just wants to get together for a couple drinks, chat a bit". Just a "friends" thing right? And hey, it could have been, right? Right?? So I show up last night, she's there with a friend (who apparently wanted to meet me for some reason). We chat a bit (well, more them than me, you know women ). Her friend leaves, but this other guy kinda makes his way into the conversation. He's friendly, she's friendly to him, I'm thinking we're just chatting at the pub, all friendly right? Well, it becomes obvious he's interested in her. She leaves, he asks if we are together. I'm a little surprised (she's about 15 years my senior), I say "oh no, we're just friends". He's obviously interested in her and I guess took this as a green light or something. However, he also lays out the bombshell that he cheated on his ex-wife. Seriously, don't ever tell a girl you meet at a bar that you are a cheater. It was interesting to watch her body language go from "friendly but reserved" to "not a ****ing chance in hell you slimeball". At any rate, I can tell the guy is bothering her, so I do what I can to get us away, but not before she managed to give him her real email address. I'm not sure why she gave him a real one, but whatever. Her mistake. I did however, totally cockblock him because it was painfully obvious he was bothering her and she wanted him gone. Seriously, some guys really need to bone up on their body language reading skills. When the girl is looking every whichway but your direction, she doesn't like you. So we go to leave. Turns out she doesn't drive. It's only a short hop to her place, so I offer her a lift. Just being a friend, right? She's still laying into various emotional stuff, I'm still trying to offer the occational word of support feeling pretty tired at that point, and really just wanting to get some sleep. Get to her place, she asks if I want to come in. I say no, I'm tired and want to get home. She leans in to hug me. Just a friendly hug, right? I return the hug and she kisses me on the cheek. I just pull away, and kinda nod, like well, goodnight y'know. I don't exactly remember what happened next, but a short moment later she basically starts kissing me. And for a short moment, the voice in my pants goes, "Woohoo! Score!" and I kiss her back. Then the bigger voice in my head goes, "WTF ARE YOU DOING????" and I snap back to reality and put the breaks on. Now, I want to make something clear. I didn't flirt with her at all. No touching, no inneundos, no sex talk, nothing. I didn't do much of anything really, other than try to keep this one creep from bothering her. Heck, he was doing way more than I was! She even claimed she could sense I was "jealous". Um, okay, whatever. So for the next 30 ****ing minutes, she is coming on to me and I am saying "No". God to see her, she looked downright predatory. Ladies, sometimes no really does mean no! The two simple reasons, which I told her point blank: One, I still view her ex as a friend, even though I've been out of touch for a few years. That is a boundary I created for myself long ago and will not cross. Add to the fact that she revealed a bunch of **** about him and the fact that he was not out of her life, well, that's just too much drama waiting to happen. The other reason is that she is obviously dealing with a lot of pain, and well, nothing like a little action to cure that right? That's another boundary I will not cross. I'm sorry, but I don't do pity in that way. Every time I said, "it's not going to happen", she demanded to know why. I felt like I was in a time-loop. I admit part of me wanted to. I haven't gotten laid in almost a year and the little voice in my pants was saying, "Dude go for it! I'm dying here!" OTOH, the bigger voice in my head won out. I look back and think this so could have been one of those "nice guy acts as emotional crutch for to get into some woman's pants", but it wasn't. She said I had led her on. I told her she could think what she wants. Christ, sometimes the nice guy act is really just being a nice guy. Now I feel... just weirded out. Part of me feels bad, because I left her in tears. She claimed she was feeling hurt and rejected. I told her point blank, I can't help that. It sucks to do that to someone, but what can you do? I knew the opposite would have just created a host of complications that I just don't friggin' want (and again, I told her as much). So I feel like I stood my ground and feel a bit better for it. But at the same time, there is no way we'll ever talk again, because everything was just too effing weird. Oi. Maybe I should just go gay.
Guest Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Next time just leave the moment the woman comes onto you and you don't want any part of it. Say something like "I'm flattered, but I'm not interested. Take Care" and then GO, no matter what she says. For women like the one you describe, negative attention is still (hopeful) attention.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 GOD! Bless your heart! Here's the deal. Women are completely different than men. You being sympathetic, caring about her well being, being entertaining for the evening and even somewhat protective is the equivalent of you picking up a date who is braless in a low cut shirt and a skirt that barely covers her rear. You become an emotional whore so to speak, because women crave that as much as men crave the physical aspects of a woman, understand? No need to switch sides! Just always remember that being a good friend to a woman with emotional needs can be dangerous! Woman are physically attracted at an emtional level like men are at a visual level. Good for you for nipping it in the bud before she got hurt worse!
Author littlepiggy1 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 IfWishesWereHorses, that's quite a colorful analogy and certainly puts it in perspective. "Emotional whore" indeed. Now I'm just hoping she's not one of those crazy vindictive types. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.
new_stella Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Sooo, you had a little preview of how women’s world looks like and you freaked out! Sorry, I find your story a little bit funny. Every half decent looking woman will tell you hundreds stories like this. Seriously though, I know it’s not a pleasant situation. The woman you had to deal with last night was more emotional/needy than an average woman. First of all, why do I seem to attract the emotionally needy/insecure women? My ex g/f was that way, this other girl I went out with briefly last year was obviously that way (I could see the signs coming a mile away) and I ended up flat out rejecting her. Maybe you should revise your expectations. Maybe you expect your relationships with women to be clean, straightforward and simple. They rarely are. Life is messy and unpredictable, people are not perfect and even good relationships become complicated. And women have emotions.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Maybe you should revise your expectations. Maybe you expect your relationships with women to be clean, straightforward and simple. They rarely are. Life is messy and unpredictable, people are not perfect and even good relationships become complicated. Yeah, I know. I was just weirded out last night and exaggerating for effect. It wasn't so much the situation by itself, it was the fact that the situation involved a friend's ex-wife and to find out that she "wanted me"... It was really weird. Especially that predatory look in her eyes. I don't think I'll be forgetting that for awhile. And women have emotions. That's the problem isn't it? Maybe I should get me one of those Real Dolls...
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 *bump* Bit of a followup. She called me a couple days ago. I hadn't really expected to hear from her so it was a bit of surprise. Now when I initially told friends she called, their initial reaction was "oh, she called to apologize for coming on to you so strongly". Well, no. She called to basically try to deflect responsibility for her actions it seems. I told her I was weirded out by that evening and so was she. But then she starts going on to me about "oh, you were touching me too, etc, etc". Yes, I admit there was brief reciprocation on my part until I got the better of myself than spent about 30 friggin minutes trying to get her out of my car. Also, when I said that she had initiated things, her response was "did I?". She then went on about how she didn't even want to go to a pub, it was all her friend's idea, how she doesn't drink, how she was so emotionally distraught, how her friend slipped stuff in her drink (!), yada yada yada. She even said, "I'm not taking all the blame for this!" At which point I thought, who's even blaming you? Oi. She says she still wants to be friends and she doesn't want this to ruin our friendship. But honestly, the more I learn about this woman, the less I want to know her.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Probably not a bad idea to avoid her like the plague! I imagine though, she was embarassed and trying to save face. Most likely she thought initially that her feelings might be returned.
pricillia Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 The moral of this story---nice guys finish last! no I don't think so... what if he did take advantage of the moment... this woman is so emotional she could have said that he raped her she is blaming him for something that he did not even do..
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Probably not a bad idea to avoid her like the plague! I imagine though, she was embarassed and trying to save face. Most likely she thought initially that her feelings might be returned. Yeah, I think she was trying to save face. But by making all these excuses (some of which sounded really ridiculous) she just came across worse. Hell, I would've accepted "yeah I had a little too much to drink and I'm sorry for what happened". But instead, she starts rolling off the deep end. The way she was willing to throw her friend under the bus for the whole thing really stuck out as not a very ideal characteristic.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 The moral of this story---nice guys finish last! Pfft, yeah right. I'm confident enough to know I can do better and don't need to get it from emotionally needy women. Hell, that's a turnoff. In fact, I've turned down opportunities for sex about 3 times in the past year simply because the women it came with had a bunch of baggage and it would have simply been more complicated than I wanted to deal with. If I was desperate, I wouldn't have those boundaries. This particular situation weirded me out simply because I knew her from a few years back and just didn't expect what happened at all.
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