searchingforanswers Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 ...to my ex-fiance, who left me out of the blue of Christmas Eve. Dear Cinderella, F*ck you! That's right. F*CK! YOU! You have no idea how much I hate you. I want one last goodbye because I want to be civil, but you don't deserve civil and I don't really want to be nice to you. I don't deserve to feel the way I do on days like today. I f*cking hate you for not caring about me. I hate you for not listening to me. I hate you for hurting me. For making me need a safety net. For making me angry. I hate you for escaping protected and unharmed after you obliterated me into a million pieced. I hate you so much. You think you are so ****ing right. You think you're such a f*cking angel and that you were so nice about everything. Well, guess what? You werent. You were an animal. You were cruel. You were a complete beast. You were unkind and distant. You were an assassin. You showed no emotion except fear because you are a coward. You hid. You hid at mommy and daddy's house. You hid when you had other people do your dirty work. You hid when you had your family threaten me. For what? For wanting answers. REAL ****ING ANSWERS! Not the bull**** you spewed about family and me not listening to you. You wanted perfection. You wanted me to be infalliable. You were upset because I turned out to be human. I read the emails you sent me. I've read the love notes I've come across. You bottled up and exploded and THAT is why you left. You poisoned us and blamed it on me. And I f*cking let you! And I hate myself for that. I was so fragile that I took it all. And I hate you for that too. I hate that I was so beaten and broken and hungry for you when you treated me like a dog. I worshiped you like a queen. I took care of you. I did everything I knew how to do to be the best person I could have been and you rejected me. What the f*ck is your problem? How could you be so f*cking cruel. You want to use sex as an excuse? You want to blame the sex on me and accuse me of something vile? Well look in the mirror? Who liked the rough stuff? Who dropped a bottle of lube on my coffee table on the night after we had sex for the first time? I wasn't the only one with the sick fantasies. But you had to blame me right? You had to make a disgusting accusation? Why? WHY? WHY? You absolved yourself of everything. You said it was an epiphany. You said it could never be fixed. You said things just didn't work out. I've got news for you, things don't "just not work out." You're an ******* and I hope you read this. You'll never know how much you hurt me. You didn't communicate with me clearly. You F*CK! You have the audacity to put all the blame on me. Christmas ****ING EVE. IN BOSTON. FIVE HOURS FROM HOME. YOU LET IT OUT. YOU LET ME HAVE IT. AND YOU HAD NO INTEREST OR DESIRE TO NEGOTIATE. NO INTEREST IN TALKING THINGS OUT. I hope you're happy. I hope you get what you want and what you deserve. You will never meet a man like me and I will never meet a woman like you. But it will be better. It has to be better. For me to love you so unconditionally and for you to treat me like this. I hate you. Don't tell me it was the sex. Don't tell me it was my mother. Tell the truth. Admit that you weren't strong enough to cope with conflict the first time it reared it's ugly head. I've apologized so much. I took all the blame and I still blame myself. But I can't anymore. And I shouldn't. I'm not the bad guy you are treating me like. Spin your web of lies and run away and hide. You selfish bitch. Cordially, Your Ex-Fiance
panzer6 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Good on you man, get it all out! She's nothing but a vampire ! Drive a stake through her heart ! Cut off her head and burn the rest !!!
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I'm not familiar with the history of your breakup, but are you doing okay? I'm sure that felt good to get out, but if you haven't released any anger as a result of that cathartic letter, I really would suggest you seek another method of help.
Author searchingforanswers Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 I'm not familiar with the history of your breakup, but are you doing okay? I'm sure that felt good to get out, but if you haven't released any anger as a result of that cathartic letter, I really would suggest you seek another method of help. Hi Star, Thanks for the concern. Yes, I am doing "OK." It's funny, as a way to help myself deal I started a blog (http://shakespeareantragedy.blogspot.com) about a month ago and I have more than once post on the subject of being OK. I mean, whenever anyone asks how i'm doing I tell them I'm fine and that I'm doing OK, but when I look back I am clearly more OK now than a month ago and a month ago I was more OK than the previous month, etc. I am in therapy, which is helpful. And for the most part I truly am OK. It's just than now and again I get a little depressed for a few days here and there. I want to fast forward to the point where I feel as good as I did on 12/23/06, but better since I have learned a lot via this break up. I just have a lot of hurt over how the relationship ended and how I feel I never recieved any satisfacoty answers. I feel really ignored and abandoned and I'm trying to let it all go. For the most part I have, but now and again I am overcome.
shockandawed Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Hey Searching, I got your letter all too well. My fiance also dumped me the week of Christmas. Like you, I am definitely doing much better these days than even a month ago, but there are still many times I would love to unload on her for the crap she put me through. I also got the vague reasons and somehow twisted into my fault. The bottom line is she is so insecure, she is desperate to get married. She knew we were still a couple of years away from that. The last contact I had with her was she was planning on getting married this May already. Nice job putting your feelings into words.
Author searchingforanswers Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Shocked, Thanks for sharing. In a twisted way it's comforting to know you're not alone. Letting go is so hard. I still want to talk to her to figure out what went wrong and when and why she has chosen to believe the things she does. It's a frivilous exercise and it won't bring her back, but I don't know how two people can be living a shared life and have two COMPLETELY different views of what is going on. I date, but it's not fair. I'm still somehow attached. If even distantly. I'm looking for the day when it doesn't matter anymore. When it's a distant memory. When I don't think back to what happened and get sad about what might have been. I think you're right when you say there is an insecurity on their part for how they handled the break up. But at the same time, there is now an insecurity on my part wondering how I didn't see the same things she saw and what if it all happens again. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I guess this is a good outlet to vent. I can't get enough of the venting it seems.
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