Tender_Heart Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Any advice on this would be SO appreciated! Okay, here goes: After a long email friendship, my friend and I met and promptly fell in love. Because he was already involved in a relationship (he and his girlfriend had been living together for over a year) we denied our feelings and although we continued to meet for lunch, we were never intimate. After our first few meetings, we began to write each other several times a day and he would pour his heart out to me. He was unhappy in his life and when I began to talk fancifully about how great it would be to live in Montana, he applied for a job in Montana and got it. He moved to Montana several months later and once he got there, he wrote and told me how I was the reason for his move, I'd inspired him to do it, etc. etc. He also said that he loved me more than anything else and that he wanted me more than anything else. I don't think that I've ever felt happier in my life! Sounds good so far, right? Here's the confusing part. Although he went to Montana without his live-in girlfriend, he never 'officially' broke up with her. In other words, that poor girl still thinks she's in a stable relationship with him, while I'm waiting around to be in a stable relationship with him. He tells me that he doesn't know how to break her heart, it makes him sick just thinking about it, and that the guilt of hurting her is killing him. Meanwhile, I keep offering to come visit but according to him, until he breaks up with her, he can't be with me. A noble way of looking at things, but a confusing one nonetheless. What should I do? He's an honest man. But I'm tired of waiting. What if he decides not to break up with her? Then I would have wasted a year of my life, pining for someone who was merely keeping his options open. On the other hand, he did move to Montana to get away from his girlfriend and maybe he just needs time to find the strength to leave her in thought, as he already did in body. Can anyone help? I'm desperate for advice. I feel very alone in this. I tell him that I'm confused and he says that he is too. He wants to be with me but he can't bear hurting another. Should I give him an ultimatium or wait around longer? It's very painful.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I hate to say it, but this doesn't sound like it's going to work out in your favor. This guy is playing games with you bigtime, and your feeding into it. He probably gets off on how in love you are with him and how your loyal sitting there waiting for him. He's manipulating you, and your falling for it! I suggest you break off contact with him for awhile. He's coming off as noble cause he wont cheat on his gf, yet at the same time he's causing you so much pain by making you wait around. Actually you might even try dating someone else. Tell him your keeping your options open. Your not his gf so don't act like it!
Teddy and Jane Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 This is the oddest thing I've ever heard of. why did he move to Montana when it was YOU who wanted to live in Montana? I do not think he is honest at ALL. If he is "confused" that is the same as he is just not that into you and he doesn't love you. If that whole gf story is true, that is not a reason not to break up...so he's going to stay with her in a relationship forever to just not hurt her feelings? that doesn't make sense at ALL and is actually a lie. He just doesn't want to be with you, hon, and I don't believe his moving to Montana had anything to do with you. Guys do what they want. If he wanted to be with you, even see you, he would be doing so. Well...he's not doing so.
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