2ndIINone Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I think you're just 'feeling' strong at the moment because you got a call you were hoping for. You still fell for his trap... he said what he had to in order to get you talking to him. He'll WILL go right back to his old ways with the other one too. This is just the start of a long ongoing cycle. 8 days of NC is/wasn't squat. You jumped waaaaay to fast... proving the opposite of 'strong'. You can tell him to 'get lost and you met someone else', but you'll be sweatin' again by the end of the week. NC!
agnf666 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 8 days and you answered the phone and now your letting him come over. Doesn't look good to me. Be strong. Don't take him back.. If you do I guess you like that kind of relationship.
MattNZ Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Do we get an update or have I missed a thread somewhere?
2ndIINone Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Uuuuusually, when they disappear... the EX is in the picture.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 hey guys, I updated it with the new thread "ex bf came over last night" I GUESS NO ONE READ IT!! heh. Well here it is: So i let my ex come over last night. I practiced nc for 8 days. it was brief: he told me how hurt he was that i didn't call him for his birthday. he waited up till 2 to see if i would call. he didn't do anything for his bday cause he waited for me to call him. I kinda assumed he went out with his family and new girl (guilty). He also had a broken hand cause he was so angry at himself for losing me. Apparently the new girl is 19, immature, and is a liar. He told me losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. He said he's not begging me back but he wants me to know that he's gonna try to show me he loves me. He said he's going to get transfered to another branch of his company so he doesn't have to work with THAT girl. He even cried. I looked at him coldly and I said "you always lie to me. you always come back telling me you love me but you never show me. I'm not going to believe you until I see you have changed. So leave me alone until then". I walked him out. And that was it. Update from yesterday (sunday): He came over UNANNOUNCED yelling at me cause the OTHER girl (lets call her HB for hoe bag )found out that he told me that HB had written the comment on myspace: where it said "i already met her she's my best friend and she changed my life" when in fact HE wrote that comment. He started yelling that he lied to me and that HE was the one who wrote it and how did HB know that he told me that she wrote it. I told him to leave me alone and get out. He came in there ACCUSING ME OF STUFF. What happened was that I told my friend who etc etc and it got back to her (i am assuming but we live in a small town). So after arguing with him I'm just like please get out. But he didn't want to leave, he wanted to spend his day off with me. Then he told me that he was already dating ANOTHER girl on top of HB but he wanted to spend the day with me. I just told him to leave. why these games?? If he's dating two girls now why can't he just f*cking leave me alone. The thing is before he showed up UNannounced (my brother opened the door for him, i didn't hear it) he called me 2x and I didn't answer cause I didn't want anything to do with him! And while he was over he was saying "oh my family misses you". THIS IS TORTURE AGAIN.
KittenMoon Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Take a look around the forum an you'll see this happens a lot more than you'd think. One minute they act like they love you, the next they hate you, the next they just want to be alone, the next they're banging anything that moves slow enough. This is their problem- they have something they can't deal with. So they're taking it out on the people/things in their life. Don't let him use you like this. Cut off contact 100%. Don't be there when he hates you, don't be there when he loves you. That's the only way he'll understand you're not on his string anymore, and the only way that maybe he'll realize "Hey, this is me- not her- because she's not here, and I'm still angry/sad/whatever".
loveinlife Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Take a look around the forum an you'll see this happens a lot more than you'd think. One minute they act like they love you, the next they hate you, the next they just want to be alone, the next they're banging anything that moves slow enough. This is their problem- they have something they can't deal with. So they're taking it out on the people/things in their life. Don't let him use you like this. Cut off contact 100%. Don't be there when he hates you, don't be there when he loves you. That's the only way he'll understand you're not on his string anymore, and the only way that maybe he'll realize "Hey, this is me- not her- because she's not here, and I'm still angry/sad/whatever". So true Kitten, my ex does that to me too. Get mad, happy and other emotions on me even if its not me who caused it. I guess there are some ppl just like that. =(
Trialbyfire Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 First he tries to charm you by telling you how much he cares and what a big mistake he made. Next is the temper tantrum because he can't get what he wants. What a spoiled and selfish brat. He sounds so much like my ex who had something broken inside of him. Stay strong. You are looking at a classic narcissist where it's all about him and his needs. Keep NC with this one, heal yourself and find someone who's not a drama queen. Contact only causes regression in these cases and forces you to start your healing process all over again.
hope1975 Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 oh I really feel for you, I agree with Trialbyfire though...ANY contact in this case is going to set you back & then you have to start the healing process all over again He does sound like a spoiled kid who can't get his own way, and if you were to give him a second chance, all that is showing him is that it's OK to screw someone around cos the consequences of his actions weren't serious enough. Continue nc & let him grow up...no one can fix his problems but him, and you don't want to get trampled & walked over on the way. Let someone else cop his s*%t...when & if he realises the error of his ways on his own, then maybe you could entertain the idea of talking to him again, until then, keep yourself way out of the line of fire. You deserve sooo much better then that!
Author Icantletgo Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 The thing is: From what happened this weekend..I seriously think he is going to have a nervous breakdown soon. He's trying to juggle HB, the new girl, and me?? And it's obvious I'm backing away and moving on now... I think he doesn't know what to do and he's going to crash soon!
Trialbyfire Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Let him crash. You are neither his mother or his keeper. Actions/consequences. Leave him alone.
Author Icantletgo Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 You are right trialbyfire. Seeing him on his emotional rollercoaster with me this weekend shows me he is not stable and he doesnt know what he wants. But i know what i want: to move on.
Trialbyfire Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Good. Now stay with this course of action. Some people need to bottom out before they realize that they have nothing worthwhile in their life. Let...him...go... Save your energy for yourself. This is "me time" now. He's hurt you enough and you can't empower him any more.
hope1975 Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 exactly!! you aren't his saviour, he needs to fix his own issues (which he's created by the way) let him go, don't let him drag you down with him...be selfish...have some "me" time...and allow yourself time to totally get over him. I know it's extremely hard at first, but believe me, it gets easier with time & you'll look back in a year and wonder why you ever wasted your time I know I did!!
2ndIINone Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Didn't someone... *cough*cough ahem...* predict this kats actions, like .... 2 weeks ago? Dude is soooooooo typical. Classic case he is. Don't worry bout' him and his nervous breakdown, cause he sure as hell wasn't worried about YOU breakin' down over the last couple weeks. He's a big boy... making his own mistakes... and stepping on anyone he can along the way. Just look at it this way... HE is now, TWO other girls problem.... and with a little hope... no longer YOUR problem. NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC
Author Icantletgo Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 okay. so i thought i was strong. And i just started crying right now. I just want him to leave me alone. whydoes he have to be so damn selfish. why can't he just let me go and let me be free and happy. it's not fair that he can date/f*ck/lie his heart out but I can't.
Trialbyfire Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Because he knows he can do this to you. If he can't have you, no one else will. Incredibly selfish. Empower yourself. Don't let this BOY continue to hurt you. Allow this anger and grief but then...move on. I've allowed my ex to victimize me twice and will not do it anymore. You can handle this. Being strong doesn't mean being emotionless. Just don't break down and let him back in. He's like cyanide to you. He'll slowly kill who you are.
Author Icantletgo Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Manipulation: calling me then having his mom talk to me.
agnf666 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 Manipulation: calling me then having his mom talk to me. You answered the phone... why did you do that... Remember no contact.
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