Guest Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 we had a history of greater than 10yrs., the last four was long distance due to him moving. i had the responsibility of caring for an elderly parent, and work, however, we both had planned on me moving with him in the future. we visited appprox. every 3 mo. with the increased obligations on my end, i was overwhelmed and looking back, i am sure he felt neglected. but, i did believe, he was the one aspect in my life i could relax with. shortly after the death of my parent, i received an e-mail that he was no longer interested in me, and is no longer "there" in the relationship. i talked very briefly via phone shortly after, and to my face i received superficial reasons why he didn't believe it would work with us...very superficial..weather difference, etc. he then deleted my name from IM, and would not receive any correspondance from me...nothing! no closure, no ability for me to state any remaining thoughtts, etc. after approx. 5 wks., i did get through to him by phone, and again..it was extremely brief..he stated he has given up and has nothing to say. also, that he and his g.f. are leaving somewhere so he had to go. he agrred to my request to call me, so i could talk...however..never did. after several pleas, just so i can have a final discussion and make some sense and peace with this...but, nothing! never to my face did he say he doesn't love me, doesn't care, etc. and in the past he has made the comment that he can harden his feelings not to care to get through a situation. my question is why would someone do this? what goes on in their heads? no matter what, if i truly even disliked the other person, i would still want to leave on decent terms, at least grant that phone call to discuss the finality. is there some feelings that may surface talking to me? is it a sense of power and control? or simply i just don't care. i would want the calls to stop from the other party, so i know i would grant the final talk...not just run away. there was a history, not to even begin to consider the grieving process from the death. i thought maybve it is guilt...but if guilt was a factor..why be so bold to mention a g.f...seemingly to intentionally add more hurt. thoughts???? i just cannot seem to be able to communicate the importance that last contact is for me to move on. he will not respond. what's this?????
Guest Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 we had a history of greater than 10yrs., the last four was long distance due to him moving. i had the responsibility of caring for an elderly parent, and work, however, we both had planned on me moving with him in the future. we visited appprox. every 3 mo. with the increased obligations on my end, i was overwhelmed and looking back, i am sure he felt neglected. but, i did believe, he was the one aspect in my life i could relax with. shortly after the death of my parent, i received an e-mail that he was no longer interested in me, and is no longer "there" in the relationship. i talked very briefly via phone shortly after, and to my face i received superficial reasons why he didn't believe it would work with us...very superficial..weather difference, etc. he then deleted my name from IM, and would not receive any correspondance from me...nothing! no closure, no ability for me to state any remaining thoughtts, etc. after approx. 5 wks., i did get through to him by phone, and again..it was extremely brief..he stated he has given up and has nothing to say. also, that he and his g.f. are leaving somewhere so he had to go. he agrred to my request to call me, so i could talk...however..never did. after several pleas, just so i can have a final discussion and make some sense and peace with this...but, nothing! never to my face did he say he doesn't love me, doesn't care, etc. and in the past he has made the comment that he can harden his feelings not to care to get through a situation. my question is why would someone do this? what goes on in their heads? no matter what, if i truly even disliked the other person, i would still want to leave on decent terms, at least grant that phone call to discuss the finality. is there some feelings that may surface talking to me? is it a sense of power and control? or simply i just don't care. i would want the calls to stop from the other party, so i know i would grant the final talk...not just run away. there was a history, not to even begin to consider the grieving process from the death. i thought maybve it is guilt...but if guilt was a factor..why be so bold to mention a g.f...seemingly to intentionally add more hurt. thoughts???? i just cannot seem to be able to communicate the importance that last contact is for me to move on. he will not respond. what's this????? also, this man is in his late 40s...not a youngster.
gleason Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 i posted the previous thread...male input needed. it has currently been greater than 6 wks. since the intial break-up e-mail. i am having a difficult time with the no response, because i cannot phathom doing that to ANYONE. why not at least leave a mess. on answering machine, write a letter something explaining what happened. how can someone bear to hear their phone ringing with requests to just have a final talk about what happened. why run????? i don't get it, i would think he would be relieved to get it over with so the requests stop. what goes on in the head?????? is this about power? intentional hurt? feelings that may be exposed??
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