A viewpoint question about divorced men - where there was adultery.

April 28, 2007

Thank you for the reply.

I'm interested in finding out if cheating, by itself, is an absolute deal breaker with most women, which I would understand and respect, or if many would look beyond that one factor.

From the replies on this thread, I can see that many women will want more information before making a choice, like you.

You've posed the question in a forum where the majoriy of respondents are either BS's or OW's. That suggests to me that the answers will be more skewed than if you had posted in "Dating" or "General".

Speaking from the OW perspective - I might be more or less willing to accept a previous cheater because of my own experiences. And I assume the same would apply for a BS.

I would expect in one of the other forums, there would be less acceptance for a cheater because of the initial kneejerk reaction to the moral implications of cheating.

JMO...and I've been wrong before

April 29, 2007

My opion:

Romance is a powerful peptide swarming through the blood thing. Once it begins it gets bigger than her previous moral convictions.

But there's something else I've learned in the past few years: Many women get into it KNOWINGLY. They call him an SOB when they ostensibly learn the truth, that he guy is married. Please don't tell me that they didn't at least suspect he was married. And then they begin trying to coax and control him into dumping his wife for her - only to call him an SOB again, this time for staying married. They've become willing victims. Being the victim is also a peptide addiction thing, some people are inclined toward it, even though it's painful.

It's like the old saying "Greedy people are the easiest to swindle." They want something bad enough to believe what they should have seen through. Doesn't make the MM right. But I think there are more OM and OW types who took the bait then played the victim. They're not all that innocent either.

You're probably right in some cases, but I had NO idea he was M. No ring. No tan. Never unavailable when I needed him. (At that time I was working a full time job, part time job and taking 2 college courses.)

This is why one of my threads was deleted. I wondered how some BS did not supspect their husbands of cheating when they were running around behaving as if they were single. It turned into a blood bath.

How can you juggle the task of not allowing past experiences or baggage take over you, but know an always available man is M?

I don't mean to be rude, but honest. I get tired of people trying to tell me why I am in a situation. I was in that situation because I was too weak to get out of it. That is changing. I have had NC with him for 2 days, which is a record for us. It's getting easier and easier. I am beginning to have nothing but contempt for him. I watched a wonderful movie this evening, "The Apartment." When I saw the Boss, I thought of my xMM. I did not go and seek a MM and this has been the worst/best experience ever.

The bottom line is everybody has different reasons and I've stated mine over and over. At this point, I would like to fix myself, take my knowledge, avoid all cake eaters, and let their wives fight off the next OW, while I enjoy my youth and option to find real love. I feel sorry for someone who has to stay with those insecure a-holes.

April 29, 2007

The cheater could be a total player and seeking sympathy to make himself look like a stand up guy by .

And then when he cheated on you he'd be the biggest bastard on the face of the earth.

April 29, 2007

Definitely the guy who cheated, confessed then was dumped. It took a huge amount of courage to confess where most just wait to get caught. I think that does show character even though he did make a really bad choice in his marriage. He owned it.

Well great...maybe I should become a cheater...being faithful sure hasn't gotten me anywhere.

April 29, 2007

I am with a FORMER cheater now. I stayed with my H when he cheated on me. I confronted him. He confessed. He minimized it initially' date=' but later he owned it. All. Call me stupid, but I respect that.[/quote']

He only confessed after being caught....and he minimized it, as you said...which means he lied...then came clean after he knew he couldn't lie any longer.

April 29, 2007

Betrayed Spouse. A betrayed spouse detector...you'd make a killing...

nah...people would sooner buy a cheating spouse detector.

April 29, 2007

Yep SC, he lied. I knew he was lying, but he didn't know that. You know, "give them enough rope to hang themselves". I gave him enough rope and he did choke. But enough about that, 'cause I don't think you understand.

But you are wrong about me feeling that the guy would be the worst bast*rd on the planet if he cheated on me and I knew he had cheated before.

I don't understand why all the anger on this one. The scenario involves going out on a date, not a M. If I were single, I would go on as many dates with as many different men as I was interested in. I don't kiss, hug, hold hands, or have sex with guys on dates. A R HAS to be committed for me to do ANY of that. Unless me and the man in question talk about being exclusive and MEAN it, he won't ever get the chance to have ME in HIS arms.

I mean, unless the guy admits that he's a rapist or a murderer, I don't see anything wrong with a date because he wouldn't be "gettin' any" from me anyways.

April 29, 2007

the way I see it, almost all men fall into the categories of either cheating, or having been cheated on. Some have experienced both scenarios. For that reason, I can't say which man I would choose because I don't think this one characteristic would be enough to sway me one way or the other.

I guess my answer is that either man has the same potential to me.

April 29, 2007

the way I see it, almost all men fall into the categories of either cheating, or having been cheated on.

Gonna keep this short and sweet, a lot intereting responses here and don't want to hijack this thread. As for guys cheating, was aghast to work with a bunch of guys who had in the past, and one who TOOK PRIDE in sleeping with the OW and then his GF in the same night. Laughed about it too. THAT was ridiculous!!! There are times where I wonder how women deal with us, for real!!

April 29, 2007

nah...people would sooner buy a cheating spouse detector.

I'd be first in line, if I didn't have an internal detector at this point...

April 29, 2007

Gonna keep this short and sweet, a lot intereting responses here and don't want to hijack this thread. As for guys cheating, was aghast to work with a bunch of guys who had in the past, and one who TOOK PRIDE in sleeping with the OW and then his GF in the same night. Laughed about it too. THAT was ridiculous!!! There are times where I wonder how women deal with us, for real!!

MrMaximum, that is what scares me. I created a thread all about emotional baggage, trust, and dating. Knowing guys like that and all of these crazy situations, it's hard to keep throwing your heart out there. Oh well, that's life...

April 29, 2007

I guess what most BS wonder is, if many of us didn't know the mm was in fact m, but we would definitely not seek a r with a mm, then why is it so hard to be completely turned off, or at least end the r, once you know his status.

Ok, I'm not sure what this had to do with my reply, which you quoted, maybe nothing...

But to answer the question, I was one of those women who was lied to about his marital status...and I didn't know for over a year...so by then I had fallen in love with him and I chose to continue the R because of that...just the truth...

Kind of like how some W's say "Well if my H cheated on me, I'd leave him in a heartbeat!" doesn't always work that way when it actually happens to you...

April 29, 2007

But the more interesting thing (to me) in your reply is that your advice wouldn't work with most of the girls I've met. Most women really DO want to know these things, almost immediately. They're polite enough to wait longer than 10 seconds, but not a whole lot more. They're direct with questions (which is OK with me). And I think most girls have too good of a bull sh*t detector - to even think about lying.

Well then the girls that you've been running into must have ALOT of baggage and/or are very marriage oriented and not wanting to waste any time...

And I wasn't insinuating that you should lie, just that you should let it come up naturally...not just introducing yourself as "Hi, I'm Gregsbad and I was a cheater...

April 29, 2007

They’re both attractive, financially well off, they both want to get to know you. Both are divorced for several years, each from a long term marriage that was happy until cheating. They only difference (without further questions from you) are that one cheated on his x-wife, confessed and got dumped for it. The other was cheated on and he dumped his wife after she confessed.

Which would you pick and why? Or do you have any more questions?

I would be interested to know why the "cheated on" was cheated on. Which could preclude me from dating either of them... for example if he was a control freak, etc, I probably wouldn't be interested in even a date.

As for the man who cheated, I'd be interested in knowing if this was a one-time f*ck-up, or a pattern of behavior.

Overall, though, if all I can know is "one cheated, the other didn't" I'd choose the man who didn't.

April 29, 2007

I would be interested to know why the "cheated on" was cheated on. Which could preclude me from dating either of them... for example if he was a control freak, etc, I probably wouldn't be interested in even a date.

As for the man who cheated, I'd be interested in knowing if this was a one-time f*ck-up, or a pattern of behavior.

Overall, though, if all I can know is "one cheated, the other didn't" I'd choose the man who didn't.

Hey Silktricks,

It's the questions I'm searching for -the things you'd want to know first. Remember, I said you can ask questions (but can't peak).

I appreciated your's. (your questions)

April 29, 2007

Well then the girls that you've been running into must have ALOT of baggage and/or are very marriage oriented and not wanting to waste any time...

And I wasn't insinuating that you should lie, just that you should let it come up naturally...not just introducing yourself as "Hi, I'm Gregsbad and I was a cheater...

OK I won't do that! Thanks

But that's not the point ... I'm interested in if most women will seek more information before making a decsion - or if most will jump to a conclusion.

From what I've read here, most wanted more information, and fewer of them jumped to conclusions. That's nice to know.

April 30, 2007

Yep SC, he lied. I knew he was lying, but he didn't know that. You know, "give them enough rope to hang themselves". I gave him enough rope and he did choke. But enough about that, 'cause I don't think you understand.

But you are wrong about me feeling that the guy would be the worst bast*rd on the planet if he cheated on me and I knew he had cheated before.

I don't understand why all the anger on this one.

No anger...just stating the obvious...women go out with as$$holes...know they are as$$holes...but then are somehow surprised when they get screwed over by these jerks.

No anger here...I don't have to deal with them.

April 30, 2007

No anger...just stating the obvious...women go out with as$$holes...know they are as$$holes...but then are somehow surprised when they get screwed over by these jerks.

Especially in younger women. Seen it time and time again where they don't really want a nice guy, but to have their jerk of a bf treat them better. To be honest, I was the same way when I was younger, wanted the Hot Tamale with the low slung jeans and was hot as hell to treat me like a king. I grew out of that though.

April 30, 2007

Ok, I'm not sure what this had to do with my reply, which you quoted, maybe nothing...

But to answer the question, I was one of those women who was lied to about his marital status...and I didn't know for over a year...so by then I had fallen in love with him and I chose to continue the R because of that...just the truth...

Kind of like how some W's say "Well if my H cheated on me, I'd leave him in a heartbeat!" doesn't always work that way when it actually happens to you...

I'm sorry. I took a crack at his reason for asking the question posed in the thread.

April 30, 2007

Ok, I'm not sure what this had to do with my reply, which you quoted, maybe nothing...

But to answer the question, I was one of those women who was lied to about his marital status...and I didn't know for over a year...so by then I had fallen in love with him and I chose to continue the R because of that...just the truth...

Kind of like how some W's say "Well if my H cheated on me, I'd leave him in a heartbeat!" doesn't always work that way when it actually happens to you...

I was making an assumption as to why he started the thread.

April 30, 2007

Especially in younger women. Seen it time and time again where they don't really want a nice guy, but to have their jerk of a bf treat them better. To be honest, I was the same way when I was younger, wanted the Hot Tamale with the low slung jeans and was hot as hell to treat me like a king. I grew out of that though.

Yeah...I used to want to win the lottery, lol.

May 2, 2007

Especially in younger women. Seen it time and time again where they don't really want a nice guy, but to have their jerk of a bf treat them better. To be honest, I was the same way when I was younger, wanted the Hot Tamale with the low slung jeans and was hot as hell to treat me like a king. I grew out of that though.

Yo max....what the hell is up with chatcheaters anyway? Is it up yet?

May 3, 2007

Yeah...I used to want to win the lottery, lol.

Think about it. What kind of car did one want to drive when in school? Fast, sleek, exciting, sexy, all those shamrocks and shenanigans, yeah? What kind of cars do people drive in their 30's, 40's, and 50's. Larger, RELIABLE, ECONOMICAL, you get the idea. (I went from a small two - door, to a small sport sedan to finally a 4-DOOR PICK-UP TRUCK FOR THE KIDLETS!!) What makes those cars great when you are young IS EXACTLY what makes them poor choices when you are older. They just don't make sports cars which are fast and sexy that are great on gas, cheap on insurance, safe, and then have a large trunk. People are like this too and I when most people mature, they realize this, JMO

May 3, 2007

Yo max....what the hell is up with chatcheaters anyway? Is it up yet?

I have no idea, I checked there a few days ago and they're still down. Man, it's been like 6 weeks!!! I have theory, before all that stuff went down, Skirt had mentioned he got a PM from someone that we all knew in the past who left. Not too long after this whole thing started. She did say that she would cause problems for the whole site, I wonder if this is her doing? You must know who I mean!!

May 4, 2007

I have no idea, I checked there a few days ago and they're still down. Man, it's been like 6 weeks!!! I have theory, before all that stuff went down, Skirt had mentioned he got a PM from someone that we all knew in the past who left. Not too long after this whole thing started. She did say that she would cause problems for the whole site, I wonder if this is her doing? You must know who I mean!!

Well...they have her IP address...so if that is the case...she'd be getting a disconnect notice from her ISP.

Besides...she isn't that smart.

Sign In

A viewpoint question about divorced men - where there was adultery.

Recommended Posts

Can'tGiveUp

Virgo1982

Salicious Crumb

Salicious Crumb

Salicious Crumb

Salicious Crumb

NoIDidn't

dropdeadlegs

mrmaximum

Virgo1982

Virgo1982

GreenEyedLady

GreenEyedLady

silktricks

GregsBad

GregsBad

Salicious Crumb

mrmaximum

Guest

Virgo1982

Virgo1982

Salicious Crumb

mrmaximum

mrmaximum

Salicious Crumb

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...