Miss_Bee Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Ok, another thread got me thinking about my sister and her new boyfriend. It got me to thinking about his intentions with her, and whether or not he's serious about her. She's head over heels crazy in love with him and i just don't want to see her hurt. My sister started seeing someone new after getting out a horrible marriage which was the only relationship she's had in her life. Everyone in town knows him and i haven't heard one bad thing about him yet. In fact, the only person who i know that doesn't like him is my boyfriend. He is usually VERY good at reading people and he says that there is something about him that is "off". They've been seeing eachother for about half a year and are totally lovey dubby. He has already bought her a promise ring. He helps her out with everything, whether it's car problems, or money, basically anything at all... They get along great, haven't even bickered once. But he's been in up North for the majority of their relationship. It's almost sickening to see them so smoochy all the time . No seriously though, all joking aside, i'm super happy for her. That she got out of her horrible marriage, and found someone that makes her burst at the seams with happiness. Anyway, the reason why i'm concerned is that someone said on another thread that becoming a step parent to 6 children was enough to make most people run... She has 6 kids, and the middle 3 are absolutley out of control, that's a whole other issue.. and also he's 10 years younger than her.. Does anyone think that it's strange that he'd jump head on into all of this? Does anyone think that he's just playing around, looking for sex, and will be gone before long? Or am i just being paranoid for her heart?
oppath Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I think if the kids were that big of a turn off he would have bailed after they slept together a couple times, a month or two of dating tops. This is what I've done when I dated a MILF. I ended it very quickly. If I invested 6 months in someone, the only way I'd be using her would be if I were fresh out of a relationship, and it was a rebound or transitional relationship as I became a different person. Of course, I wouldn't get into a relationship so soon after a breakup, so that is void.
Pyro Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Ok, another thread got me thinking about my sister and her new boyfriend. It got me to thinking about his intentions with her, and whether or not he's serious about her. She's head over heels crazy in love with him and i just don't want to see her hurt. My sister started seeing someone new after getting out a horrible marriage which was the only relationship she's had in her life. Everyone in town knows him and i haven't heard one bad thing about him yet. In fact, the only person who i know that doesn't like him is my boyfriend. He is usually VERY good at reading people and he says that there is something about him that is "off". They've been seeing eachother for about half a year and are totally lovey dubby. He has already bought her a promise ring. He helps her out with everything, whether it's car problems, or money, basically anything at all... They get along great, haven't even bickered once. But he's been in up North for the majority of their relationship. It's almost sickening to see them so smoochy all the time . No seriously though, all joking aside, i'm super happy for her. That she got out of her horrible marriage, and found someone that makes her burst at the seams with happiness. Anyway, the reason why i'm concerned is that someone said on another thread that becoming a step parent to 6 children was enough to make most people run... She has 6 kids, and the middle 3 are absolutley out of control, that's a whole other issue.. and also he's 10 years younger than her.. Does anyone think that it's strange that he'd jump head on into all of this? Does anyone think that he's just playing around, looking for sex, and will be gone before long? Or am i just being paranoid for her heart? This is a tough call. I mean he is investing money and time into her, but he is 10 years younger. I am not sure how old or young your sister is, but for the most part when I hear about a get together like this one, the guy is only in for the short run. Having six kids is quite a handful but if he is in it for the long run, then I give him props because I would think that a majority of people, especially younger ones would go for that.
Author Miss_Bee Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 This is a tough call. I mean he is investing money and time into her, but he is 10 years younger. I am not sure how old or young your sister is, but for the most part when I hear about a get together like this one, the guy is only in for the short run. Having six kids is quite a handful but if he is in it for the long run, then I give him props because I would think that a majority of people, especially younger ones would go for that. Thanks for your input Rids. I stood beside her the past few months , and any time my bf said anything about it i just tried to put it in the back of my mind, because when they are together, they are sick tooooo lovely dubby for anyone to be around, know what i mean? So i thought well gee.... he's GOTTA be serious... But that other thread kind of had me worrying about my sister. BTW, She's 36, and he's 25... BUt.. he sure does seem to have a good head on his shoulders.. and he's a nice guy... so i'm hoping beyond hope that he is what he makes him self out to be for her sake.
alphamale Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 him being such "nice guy" I'm really more worried about your sister taking advantge of him...which is what will most likely happen cause he's young and naive.
Author Miss_Bee Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 him being such "nice guy" I'm really more worried about your sister taking advantge of him...which is what will most likely happen cause he's young and naive. That is very much possible ALPHAMALE... Thanks for your input, but my sister is .... absolutley ummm... how should we say? She's oblivious about anything and everything around her when he's around. She treats him like gold, from what i've seen, and heard. We are very close. But the thing that i worry about is, that even that they've been together for 7 monthes, I mean 7 monthes isn't really a long timeright? But it's enough time to see a person's true colours at least a few times. But, he workds out of town, and they've REALLY only been together for maybe a week out of each of those months.. He works up North and only comes in a week out of each month. Her last relationship (marriage) was a horror show. The guy treated her horrible, phyisically and mentally..... :mad:
alphamale Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 That is very much possible ALPHAMALE... Thanks for your input, but my sister is .... absolutley ummm... how should we say? She's oblivious about anything and everything around her when he's around. She treats him like gold, from what i've seen, and heard. We are very close. who's taking care of her 6 kids? your sis doesn't have any cards to play with so she's forced to be nice and go outta her way. few men are gonna date a women with 6 childern.
Pyro Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Thanks for your input Rids. I stood beside her the past few months , and any time my bf said anything about it i just tried to put it in the back of my mind, because when they are together, they are sick tooooo lovely dubby for anyone to be around, know what i mean? So i thought well gee.... he's GOTTA be serious... But that other thread kind of had me worrying about my sister. BTW, She's 36, and he's 25... BUt.. he sure does seem to have a good head on his shoulders.. and he's a nice guy... so i'm hoping beyond hope that he is what he makes him self out to be for her sake. He could be either way. He is at that point where he may be ready to settle down and that is his way of showing affection, but he may even be a "nice" guy, since he enjoys spending so much money on her, but on the other side of the coin he may just want something long term and most guys like to have somesort of fling with an older woman at some point in their lives. For the most part though, not too many people would want to get involved with a relationship where six kids are involved. Just keep your ears and eyes open and look for any red flags. Only time will tell what his intentions are.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Her last relationship (marriage) was a horror show. The guy treated her horrible, phyisically and mentally..... :mad: What is the new guy's relationship history? I think that needs to be considered here... I mean, is he young and naive and looking to be conquered by a cougar, or has he been around the block himself and knows what he is looking for in a relationship?
Teddy and Jane Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 You really have to just stay out of it. I mean, both are adults. Stepfamilies happen all the time. I don't understand the skepticism, it's like people think guys never marry women with kids. HELLO. TONS of stepdads and stepmoms around. If it works out, it works out. If not, it ends, like lots of relationships.
Author Miss_Bee Posted April 30, 2007 Author Posted April 30, 2007 who's taking care of her 6 kids? your sis doesn't have any cards to play with so she's forced to be nice and go outta her way. few men are gonna date a women with 6 childern. She takes care of them by herself. Her ex doesn't support her in anyway. He's a loser that lives with his mom, works in a bar and blows all his cash on booze. He could be either way. He is at that point where he may be ready to settle down and that is his way of showing affection, but he may even be a "nice" guy, since he enjoys spending so much money on her, but on the other side of the coin he may just want something long term and most guys like to have somesort of fling with an older woman at some point in their lives. For the most part though, not too many people would want to get involved with a relationship where six kids are involved. Just keep your ears and eyes open and look for any red flags. Only time will tell what his intentions are. It's not that he spends alot of money on her. He's just very helpful.. But yes, only time will tell. She tells me everything, so i'll be the first to know if things start looking shady. I wasn't concerned at all until i seen how so many people had said on a different thread that not too many people would want to get involved when so many kids are involved. What is the new guy's relationship history? Apparently he was married and was treated badly and cheated on by his ex-wife. She left him with a baby that wasn't even his. He raised him for a year until she came back and took him. He fought for him in court but lost because he wasn't even the biological father. That's all i know about his rel. history. You really have to just stay out of it. I mean, both are adults. Stepfamilies happen all the time. I don't understand the skepticism, it's like people think guys never marry women with kids. HELLO. TONS of stepdads and stepmoms around. If it works out, it works out. If not, it ends, like lots of relationships. I haven't poked my nose into her relationship at all, other than posting this thread here. She hasn't asked me for any advice or anything. She's only told me good things, as far as i know, they haven't had any problems yet. But they also haven't spent very much time together either. They've spent most of the rel. missing eachother.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 Miss Bee, while I don't think you need to be worried, or that even if you do worry that there is anything you can do to change things, I can see reason for concern that the relationship might fail. Then again, all relationships might fail. This one probably does have higher odds of failure. 1) They have not spent much "real" time together, despite the seven month history, due to his being out of town. It's easy to be on ones best behavior sporadically. 2) Maybe it's just me, but at 26 I didn't have a clue as to what was really important to me. I simply didn't have enough life experience. 3) I assume he has no children of his own. If he wants children, how many more can your sister be expected to have? Six children is a lot of in this day and age. He hasn't really had the experience of living in a household full of children, which is hard even when they are all well behaved. Even with a genuine love for kids, it seems like a lot to bite off and chew. Of course, it could all work out, who knows? It does seem unlikely, but we have to make our own choices and mistakes in life. Best of luck to them!
chryssy83 Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 I think it speaks well for him that he cared for a child for a year after his wife left and then fought for custody even after he found out the kid wasn't his. If that's really what happened, anyway. If he's not being abusive and your sister seems happy, just back off and stop worrying. They aren't being overly serious right now and he's being a good boyfriend--it's her job to consider the future for the relationship right now, not yours. It's true that a lot of people would be turned off by the kids, but a lot of people are also turned off by 25 year olds who have already been married and divorced! Just hang back and see where it goes. No matter how perfect the relationship seems, there is always the possibility someone will get hurt.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 She takes care of them by herself. Her ex doesn't support her in anyway. He's a loser that lives with his mom, works in a bar and blows all his cash on booze.. And she had six kids by this clown? I think the problem is your sister, sister!
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 It would take a very, very mature and special 25 year-old of either gender, to handle six kids. There's nothing you can do, regardless. They seem to love each other and maybe it takes a young man like that to have the energy for so many. If nothing else, be there to support her emotionally if something goes wrong.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 There's nothing you can do, regardless. They seem to love each other and maybe it takes a young man like that to have the energy for so many. If nothing else, be there to support her emotionally if something goes wrong. I agree TBF but her sister is going down the wrong path (again!) and she does need to be told this. After that, yes, I would agree to back off and watch the train wreck.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 I agree TBF but her sister is going down the wrong path (again!) and she does need to be told this. After that, yes, I would agree to back off and watch the train wreck. I won't disagree with that but if necessary, it will have to be a roundabout, careful and gently done conversation. Otherwise, her sister will feel that Miss_Bee dislikes her future husband thus putting her on the defensive. Years ago, I lost my one of my closest friends over a guy I thought wasn't good for her. She ended up marrying him and within a year got divorced over his infidelity. To this day, she still doesn't speak to me.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Years ago, I lost my one of my closest friends over a guy I thought wasn't good for her. She ended up marrying him and within a year got divorced over his infidelity. To this day, she still doesn't speak to me. She doesn't speak to you cause you were right and she's embarassed.
Trialbyfire Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 She doesn't speak to you cause you were right and she's embarassed. Perhaps so but the end result was the same. I lost a very dear friend over someone who wasn't worth spit. If I hadn't said anything, it would have ended the same way between the two of them and we would still be friends. Logical thinking and people in relationships don't always equate.
Author Miss_Bee Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Miss Bee, while I don't think you need to be worried, or that even if you do worry that there is anything you can do to change things, I can see reason for concern that the relationship might fail. Then again, all relationships might fail. This one probably does have higher odds of failure. 1) They have not spent much "real" time together, despite the seven month history, due to his being out of town. It's easy to be on ones best behavior sporadically. 2) Maybe it's just me, but at 26 I didn't have a clue as to what was really important to me. I simply didn't have enough life experience. 3) I assume he has no children of his own. If he wants children, how many more can your sister be expected to have? Six children is a lot of in this day and age. He hasn't really had the experience of living in a household full of children, which is hard even when they are all well behaved. Even with a genuine love for kids, it seems like a lot to bite off and chew. Of course, it could all work out, who knows? It does seem unlikely, but we have to make our own choices and mistakes in life. Best of luck to them! Great post DDL. Yes, there really is nothing that i can do, either it will work out or it won't. I just was curious on what people's opinions were about the outcome of their situation, given the circumstances. She's absolutley head over heels for this guy. I can't imagine how crushed she would be, if he turned out to be something other than what he's made him self out to be. And she had six kids by this clown? I think the problem is your sister, sister! She stayed with himfor many different reasons. One being that he was her first everything. She started seeing this Asshat when she was fifteen and wasn't ever with anyone else. But, why would you think she's the problem AM? Her and her current bf aren't having any problems. I agree TBF but her sister is going down the wrong path (again!) and she does need to be told this. After that, yes, I would agree to back off and watch the train wreck. Ok, can i ask why you think she's going down the wrong path? Is it because he's ten years younger? I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are saying.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Perhaps so but the end result was the same. I lost a very dear friend over someone who wasn't worth spit. If I hadn't said anything, it would have ended the same way between the two of them and we would still be friends. Logical thinking and people in relationships don't always equate. If I see one of my good friends or family member making what I think is a big mistake then I will speak up even though it probably won't make any difference. You did the right thing TBF and if she can't handle it then your friendship wasn't as strong as you thought it was. But, why would you think she's the problem AM? Her and her current bf aren't having any problems. Ok, can i ask why you think she's going down the wrong path? Is it because he's ten years younger? I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are saying. The chances that this 25 year old dude is going to eventually split are very very high. In 5 years when he's 30 and meets a cute, childless 25 year old blonde then he'll be history. I guarantee it. The problem here is that your sister is choosing the wrong men.
Author Miss_Bee Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 The chances that this 25 year old dude is going to eventually split are very very high. In 5 years when he's 30 and meets a cute, childless 25 year old blonde then he'll be history. I guarantee it. The problem here is that your sister is choosing the wrong men. Yeah, that very well could happen. But i've also heard that he likes em older I guess I just have to sit back and stop worrying about her. If they do end up splitting, because he isn't serious, and isn't what he makes himself out of be.. There really isn't anything that i can do about it. Except be her ear and shoulder. I am pretty sure that they will be ok. They are joined at the hip, and are still in the honeymoon stage. But thank you all for your insight.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 But i've also heard that he likes em older Very few 25 yr olds know what they like. He's a kid. When I was 25 I didn't know squat about myself or others.
Author Miss_Bee Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Very few 25 yr olds know what they like. He's a kid. When I was 25 I didn't know squat about myself or others. Yeah, that's true for some people. But i'm the exception... I'm 26 and i know what i want out of life.
alphamale Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 But i'm the exception... . everyone says that at your age....hahaha
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