Tangerina Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 So, I'm finishing undergrad in December and my boyfriend is finishing grad school and I'm staying in town until at least the next fall and then probably moving to a bigger city for work or grad school. He is either going to stay in town for a while like me and then move to a bigger city for work, or try to move right away for work, or he is seriously thinking about joining PeaceCorps and moving to Africa for 2 years, and he has been thinking of this since before we got together. In September I'm leaving for 10 weeks to study abroad in Greece, and I'm coming back right when we both graduate. So basically things are great right now. It is still kind of new but we've been together long enough (4.5 months) to be really established with each other and really firmly and openly into it. We were friends before we started dating. My problem is I can't stop worrying about all the potential turmoil in the very near future. I know life is just like that and things are always uncertain, believe me I know, and all of you will just say just enjoy it while you can, but I have to admit that in the back of my mind it is ruining things for me because I'm afraid to feel attached or grow closer when I am simultaneously aware that this time next year it is likely he will be living in Africa. I really like this guy like I've never liked someone before... sure I've had the passion but it was never real and stable and adult and healthy like this... and I'm so much more mature than I was in my past relationships and I've learned how to be independent and assertive and all of that, but even when you have a grasp on the independence thing relationships are still about letting go and being vulnerable and depending on each other and you get attached and I am having major mixed feelings about being attached in the face of so much tangible and intangible uncertainty. That's just life, but I don't know how to just make myself forget about Africa and Greece and big cities and not let it affect the present. Or if he finally makes his decision and wants to go to Africa, how do I keep on being with him with a set cutoff date for the end of the relationship? I don't mean this guy in necessarily 'the one' and we should never ever split, I just don't know how to love him and enjoy him and grow closer without feeling more and more nervous about the massive life decisions and changes in the very near future. I also feel like this is something I will talk to him about in the future for practical reasons like "hey dude, I'm going to Greece for 10 weeks pretty soon, how do you feel about that?" but at this point this is really me trying to deal with my own problems and insecurities.
Author Tangerina Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 I guess I'm just curious how other people in similar situations deal with this emotionally... heck, I've been in this situation before and I didn't deal with it well emotionally. I think deep down I took them wanting to leave personally even though it was just their life path and important to them. It's not like I wouldn't leave for Greece just because of how bad I'll miss my boyfriend during that time because the experience is really important to me, so I understand, I just don't know how to work on building a healthy relationship and not worry about this stuff until I know what's gonna happen and get over my fear of getting close to this amazing person.
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