is this normal? probably not but i'm gonna ask anyways..

[District]

it seems like i always feel like i'm the one to blame when s*it hits the fan. whenever a relationship goes south i always think: i'm not pretty enough, i'm not skinny enough, i'm not smart enough, i'm not witty enough...ect. even though i know its not my fault that the realtionship is s*it but i'll still blame myself. then i'll try to dress up and buy designer clothes/purses to "appear prettier", or go on a diet to be "skinnier". its so exhausting. and i'm tired.

[Geishawhelk]

When did you first start believing this? What - or who - put this into your mind in the first place? What - or who - affirmed, and re-affirmed these opinions until you cradled them as your own...?

 

That's what you have to find out.

This is what you have to discover.

 

Work back, through your mind, to when this first manifested.

only once you discover this, can you start seeing yourself for the wonderful, unique shining human being I know you actually are.

 

One warning:

If you do trace it back to somebody - IF, mind... try not to 'blame' them. they were working on a completely mistaken premise, clouded by their unhappiness, and they only passed on what in point of fact they felt about themselves too....Blame helps nobody, and still keeps and holds you back.

[District]

i tried to trace it to a particular "cause" that made me like this... the closest thing i could get to is my first boyfriend, the totally destroyed my self confidence my cheating on my multiple times. but i swear i'm totally over that guy. i hardly ever think about him. but it seems what he did to me mentally still plagues me.

 

i'll go through phases where i'll pretend to be "vain", like i'll tell myself: "thats a cute pair of jeans" or "you have hot hair today". and i'll drive along the los angeles freeways thinking "i think i'm better now and life isnt that bad", i'll do this for about a week or two, then something will come over and smash my optimistic thinking.

[Geishawhelk]

You are absolutely wonderfully perfect as you are, right now. Warts and all. What is "wrong" with you, makes you the perfect being. What is "Right" with you, makes you the perfect being.

How could you doubt it?

Look at yourself in the mirror, and laugh out loud at how really ridiculous it all is to carry all this stuff around when you can just as easily put it down and not bother with it any more.....

 

If you have the trash to put out for the collectors, you don't put it in your pockets and keep it instead, do you?

so bin it, and move on.

[Ssheena]

Los Angeles mentality perhaps? If I didn't have some sort of complex when I moved there, I would develop one for sure.

 

I've never seen so many anorexic women until I spend some time out there.

Unhealthy, uber competetive atmosphere.

 

Try and work on accepting yourself just the way you and forgiving yourself if/when you make a mistake.

[4whatItsWorth]

it seems like i always feel like i'm the one to blame when s*it hits the fan. whenever a relationship goes south i always think: i'm not pretty enough, i'm not skinny enough, i'm not smart enough, i'm not witty enough...ect. even though i know its not my fault that the realtionship is s*it but i'll still blame myself. then i'll try to dress up and buy designer clothes/purses to "appear prettier", or go on a diet to be "skinnier". its so exhausting. and i'm tired.

 

Am gonna read the advice you get because we have the same problem...however, going by your avatar you're already prettier, thinner and such than me. Bah. I wouldn't say like the others it's because of one single person or event - in my case it's been multiple events one by one adding up to a big pile of self-confidence that doesn't exist. It's easier said than done to tell someone to just "look in the mirror and laugh". A person who says that do not know what it's like.

 

I believe you won't believe you are pretty by changing yoursself to become what you think you want to be. Those people go for plastic surgery. You have to find it within to accept and think you are great or OK the way you are. (Boy, don't I wish I could listen to my own advice sometimes. )

[boshemia]

I'd go back a bit further, a lot of these issues actually start in childhood before boyfriends even come into the picture. A friend that constantly teases you, a brother who picks on you, even parents who push good grades. Not just people who were trying to be mean, but sometimes in the process of good natured ribbing people cross the line without either of you realizing it.

 

What you said didn't sound so much like you blame yourself, but that somewhere in your life you got it in your head that no matter what you do you'll never be good enough.

 

Developing a healthy self-esteem isn't something that just happens overnight, first you have to become aware of the thinking process behind it, you have to root out the truth from the lies, and take control of those thoughts inside your head that make you feel this way.

 

Check out the self esteem resources at http://www.coping.org/selfesteem/content.htm they have helped me a lot in my search...

[Wedded25]

Linky to a thread where my reply might be helpful.

[District]

LA is a pretty f*ed up place to live. there are a lot of superfacial things that go on around here. every other car is a BMW or a S500. not that cars really matter to me, i drive a 01 corolla (which i'm proud to say is fully paid off).

 

i guess i'm just in a terrible funk right now due to stupid relationship problems and the only thing that i can blame it on... which came naturally is... me.

 

thanks you guys =)