District Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 hey guys, i think its about time that i share my sad, pathetic story... sorry its so long and lengthy: my boyfriend/co-worker yea i know... i violated rule #1 (never date a coworker but it just seemed so right at the beginning) really pissed me off for the second time in our short relationship (been together 4 months but i knew him 3 months before we actually "dated", we went out to happy hour and what not). our first big fight was about a week ago, i was over at his place cooking him dinner when his cell phone rang, i mis-read the caller for his brother but then a split second later i realized it was his exgirlfriend. thats when i slapped him and yelled out "what the f*ck". he told me to "shhh... shhh...shhh" the whole time i was flipping out and he spoke to her for about 15 mins. which i found to be very disrespectful... the whole "sshhhh-ing" thing and 15 flippping minutes?! anywho he ensured me it was nothing and he just asked her about some real estate questions or whatever. but i got all defensive and told him that there are a lot of people out there who has real estate experience so he didnt have to go to her. i made it very clear from the very start of our relationship that the one thing that i have a big problem with is exgirlfriends... and it really hurt me that he didnt honor that request. i could say i was very very good to him, i didnt do anything to "diss" him.... not at all. after i totally flipped out on him (yelling, screaming, crying...ect, which i have never ever done to any of my ex boyfriends before... even in the biggest fights) i found it in my heart to give it another shot, he promised me that he'd never answer her call and/or contact her ever again. and tonight he totally pissed me off. i feel like he's taking me for granted... again. i go back to his place around 8pm after my 6pm class to cook for him and he doesnt even show up until 9pm. and then he asks me "did you tell anyone about our fight? because kenny (our coworker) said you got really pissed at me and its really embarrassing". i never spoke a word about our fight, infact i acted as if everything was normal at work, i had to hold back the tears and bite my tongue. it was hell! and he had the nerve to say that s*it?! anyways... i'm planning on resigning from my position tomorrow. i'm giving the company that i work for a two weeks notice because i want to leave on good terms. i never had to put up with this much c*ap from a guy... never ever. i'm 25 and he's 33... i come from a pretty sheltered upper-middle class family in los angeles. i cooked and cleaned and did a buch of stuff that i didnt want to do but i still did for this guy. i gave him the "second" chance to see if he would actually appreciate me. i never asked him to pay for anything for me, i bought all of my own things. money is not the issue. anyways... i plan on going back to school full time and getting my degree in accounting. i sacraficed too much for this guy. before i used to go the gym everyday for 3 hours each visit. but i havent done that in the longest time and i've gained about 15 lbs and its killing me. i guess what my whole point is... i just want opinion from other LS members what they think of my situation. its a short relationship but it feels like i've been with him forever and i've had some real d*ckhead boyfriends before and as much as i hate to admit it... he's the best boyfried i've had so far. thanks for reading guys.
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 District, seems we decided to tell our story on the same night, I recall us joining at the same time too. About your situation, I think you overreacted. You didn't know why she was calling and should have waited for it to end and then calmly ask him about it. It could have been innocent. It's not like it was his fault she called you know? I understand not taking crap from a guy but in my eyes, nothing really happened here.
brisman Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Sorry, I can't see how he's giving you crap. He took a call from an ex-girlfriend. Big deal. People have exes. You've said yourself that *you* have a problem with it. *You* have the insecurity, not him. *You* flipped out. Sorry, but the story you've told paints you as a bit of a drama queen....
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 but it just bothers me soooo much. i told him from the very beginning: NO EXGIRLFRIENDS. and oh my gosh i forgot to mention... this exgirlfriend of his CHEATED on him while they were together!! and SHE was the one that broke up with him after he found out that he got cheated on. in the end she ended up marrying the guy that she was cheating with. from my prespective... its embarrassing... MY boyfriend is taking to his who is married to the guy who was the "other" guy while they were/used to be together. i'm sorry that the grammar is getting really bad but i cant get the terms right.... and about that call... he admitted that HE emailed her a few days earlier. and his cellphone is NEW number. so he must have given her that number though the email. it doesnt matter what they were talking about, i'm just pissed that he didnt respect my ONE AND ONLY request and he kept telling me to "sSHHHHHHH!" and he decided to pissed me off again today after i decided to give it another shot. thanks for remembering me by the way =)
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Ok, well yeah, it's odd he gave her the new number, that goes against your agreement but I don't think you should have broke up and I do think you should apologize for your reaction, see if he wants to work on it and just keep a close eye on the EX situation for awhile.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 that cellphone plan is under my name and under my credit card for which i am paying for. he admitted it was his faggot fault. but he doesnt seem at all sorry for.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 i put in 110% into this relationship because i know he's 33 and he's not just another college kid. i dont feel he's even wanting "in" on this relationship. maybe i am a drama queen, i get hurt easily and i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. you wouldnt believe the past boyfriends i've had... this is why i but so much faith in this guy... he actually seems decent... established and is actually a man. i guess i was wrong... he's just another "rinse and repeat".
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I think it's best to get to the bottom of why he gave her the new number and why he emails her. Is it in hopes of rekindling what they had? You need to sit down calmly and see how he reacts to these questions.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 this is embarrassing but i'm at a point that i dont care anymore. i'm severly clinically depressed and he knows that. i take my 3 pills everyday just to keep myself alive. in a way i'm very fragile. i'm really bad at relationships... i havent had very many and they guys that i have been with all treated with like crap probably because i treated myself like crap. *sigh*
MattNZ Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I really think you should ask him about how he feels about his ex. Is it just a plutonic thing now or does he still have feelings? I've been in a similar position. My ex got very angry when my ex-ex came through town visiting. I get on very well with my exex and remain good mates - my ex couldn't see this because she never remained mates with her ex. Lots of exes involved there! ha I really don't think it is worth breaking up over. You say you gave it your all and I'm sure you did. But a little bit of communication could've saved all of this.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 You've set one indisputable boundary, now stick to it. He has to understand that you're not kidding around with it. It's unreasonable for him to negate your one and only request of him. He agreed to abide by it at the start but has broken his word. Show him a mirror of himself calmly and let him know that you are extremely dissatisfied with his inability to hold true to the ONE thing that you've requested of him. As for your life, never, ever give up everything for one person. You deserve more to life than solely meeting someone else's needs. You are an individual, who wants a relationship with another individual. The two of you should be complimenting each other within this relationship, not be blood sucking vampires to the other. If one party gives too much or the other party takes too much, your relationship scale will topple.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 thanks you guys... well here's an update: i made up my mind to return to the gym. i havent showed my face at the gym for about 3 months... i was a workout nut for the past 3 years. i pretty much gave up my usual rinse and repeat life style for this guy... not that theres anything wrong with my rinse and repeat life style... its what i feel most comfortable with. i have decided not to put up with any more bs. i never ever asked anything from/of him. not at all. and this is what i got in return. i'll end up doing n/c but not now because my play station 2 and a few other miscellaneous items are still at his house. he called me today (he decided to skip work) asked me if i wanted to eat lunch, i calmly told him "no thank you, i brought lunch" and hung up. he call back almost right away but i didnt answer because i knew he was going to ask me if i wanted to bring my lunch over to his place to eat. anyways i ended up going to target - i got two cute tanktops and some dvds. then i went to walmart - picked up a venus fly trap plant and some raquetball balls (which i'll be using today at the gym). then i went to a chinese video store and bought some ayumi hamasaki music video dvds. i havent done something like this in a long time.... then when i got to work... he sends me a message on msn messenger asking me if i'm going to go over to his place tonight, i told him "no i have other plans". it kind of feels good not getting all worked up. maybe i'm just preoccupied with my purchases. i cant wait to get out of work so i can hit the gym and dig into my dvds.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 and i dont plan on going to work on monday because i need to give my dad and grandma to LAX. also i wont be going to work on thursday because i have a huge midterm for my accounting class. so... i just have to get through tues, weds, and friday of next week.
frd150 Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Hey District, My situation: 2.5 years so it will be a 50 inch plasma and a surround system:D . Take care of yourself for a bit and re-evaluate. Do this before you become more vested in in the relationship. The further along you are in a relationship the harder it will be to let go if something happens lets say 2.5 years later. #1 communicate.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 communication and n/c dont really go hand in hand.... i gots me a 36 in.... but a 50 sounds nice.... but i just dont have anywhere to put it. now a surround system is something i can look into =P
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Do you want to do NC or LC? LC is low contact.
Author District Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Do you want to do NC or LC? LC is low contact. i didnt know what "LC" meant low contact... i thought you asked me if i wanted to do myself (my name is LC) anyways... i'm going to do l/c until i leave the company, i cant do n/c since we work together. that should last about 2 weeks tops... then i'll be going n/c.
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