chill chic Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I met this guy briefly (a friend of a friend) when I was out with my friends one night. We exchanged numbers, and eventually added each other on our myspace. So we've been talking for awhile on the phone/texting/messaging each other back & forth, and have tried to arrange a meeting to get together. Although I was out of town the weekend before last, and he was gone for his job last weekend. So we're planning on going out this weekend since we'll both be in town..but I'm wondering how I should approach the situation. Because..the other day he messaged me something about sex, like he wants to get it on with me, kinda forwardly. He's sort of a jokster so it didn't exactly shock me, I just took it as a joke..so..I wrote back saying something flirty back as a joke, then he wrote back something of the same sort, then I wrote back that we should take things one at a time, like going out first! So in a sense, I'm trying to show him, that no, he can't expect to be getting it on with me right off the bat, like on the first date or something. And then I'm thinking to myself "I wonder if this is a test to see if he thinks I'm the type of girl that would just jump in the sack on the first night?" I don't know for sure, but I'm trying to put him in his place, so that I can make things work out for the better, relationship-wise. I want him to respect me, and it's also a test for myself because I'm trying to gain more respect from guys now. I've learned a few tough lessons from the past and I don't want it to happen again. I would actually like a meaningful relationship for once!! It's been 2 years since I had a long-term relationship, and I want a real one again, not just hanky panky with guys
Star Gazer Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Ugh. I sooooo know what you're talking about. I started a thread about this once - about guys who get blatantly sexual/flirty so quickly. I don't get it!! I can never tell whether it's a test to see if you're good/naughty, or really just a joke. Either way it creeps me out, and rightfully so, it seems, because regardless of what I think originally, it never fails that he was in fact after only one thing: EASY, UNCOMMITTED SEX. If I were you, I'd assume this guy is only after sex. Test him right back. If he's not after just sex, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If he's a dawg, you won't be disappointed. Either way, be careful.
Author chill chic Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Ugh. I sooooo know what you're talking about. I started a thread about this once - about guys who get blatantly sexual/flirty so quickly. I don't get it!! I can never tell whether it's a test to see if you're good/naughty, or really just a joke. Either way it creeps me out, and rightfully so, it seems, because regardless of what I think originally, it never fails that he was in fact after only one thing: EASY, UNCOMMITTED SEX. If I were you, I'd assume this guy is only after sex. Test him right back. If he's not after just sex, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If he's a dawg, you won't be disappointed. Either way, be careful. yah unfortunately I get the blatant sex request sometimes more than I'd like, and often, I don't know whether to take it as a joke or if the guy's being serious. But now I'm trying to handle it a little smarter this time, by not leading him on to a sure thing. So what would be a good way of testing him? With my last message I sent to him I redirected his attention to something else that we both have in common, such as politics or something I can relate to him about...just to see where he takes it. And I guess if he doesn't respond to the subject or doesn't respond at all, then I would know more about where he's trying to go with this. But still..what would be a good way of testing him?
Star Gazer Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Hold off on communication until you hang out with him. Email/myspace/texting is all too impersonal, and creates an atmosphere where he'll feel more comfortable being a complete ass with his sexual come-ons and jokes. Get to know each other. Curb the sexual innuendo. And whatever you do, do NOT have sex with him right away. Make him work for you. Show him you're worth real effort.
Author chill chic Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Hold off on communication until you hang out with him. Email/myspace/texting is all too impersonal, and creates an atmosphere where he'll feel more comfortable being a complete ass with his sexual come-ons and jokes. Get to know each other. Curb the sexual innuendo. And whatever you do, do NOT have sex with him right away. Make him work for you. Show him you're worth real effort. that's a good idea thanks!
Kamille Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Hi CC, Ok this is going to sound like grandma advice but: He is most likely trying to get away with what he can. We know most guys will do casual sex if they can. Tell him flat out you're not interested in casual sex. If that is all he is looking for, yes he will leave but you will have spared yourself months of hopeless mind games. He might also be looking for something serious. Guys do eventually want to fall in love, you know? It's not like you have to dupe him into falling for you. If he is interested in more, he will stay and start chasing you more. Win win.
mandypandy Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 i think you should do what you feelis right if your trying to gain respect from guys then do just that but like i said no one can really tell you what to do in this situation because it all depends on the peopl like me and my man have been together for 4 years and we had sex when we first met we didnt even go on a date lol so really just follow what u feel is right (when you meet him)
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I know what I WISH I would have done last weekend when my new guy called me up for some booty! I should have told him how much I was looking forward to our date "tomorrow" (3rd date) and just said no to seeing him that night. I still wonder if he would have cancelled the "tomorrow" date. Tell him clearly what your boundaries and values are, and demand that he respect them. If you don't think he'll comply, and you think you will give in, then don't put yourself in the situation where something could happen (IE the bedroom). Go out O-U-T and end the date at the door.
Author chill chic Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 well here is an update: I emailed him lastnight because he gave me his email address, even though we talk/text over the phone, and message over myspace, but it was because I had asked him before if he knew anything about boats (I'll be insuring boats this summer so I need some extra knowledge) so he wrote back & said that he will be buying a boat soon, which he described, and since we both like Kennedy history, I told him that I had a picture of a Kennedy boat, so that's when he gave me his email address so I could attach it. Anyway, I sent the email, wondering if he thought I was a dork by doing that, but apparently he didn't because he texted me tonight. But..this is what he texted: "pimp n ho ball at "(club)" tomorrow :)" then thinking it would be fun, but didn't know if it was a joke I wrote: "Ok sounds like fun, what time are you going?" he wrote back: "I'm not sure if I'm going yet, I heard about it on the radio. ha." then I wrote back: "Oh lol u silly well yah we should party somewhere" then he didn't write back after that. but should I have taken that as a joke? I mean there might well be a party like that at this nightclub, but I'm not sure where he was going with it. by telling him we should party, did that open the door to less serious night out? or does he think I'm just a party girl or what?
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 by telling him we should party, did that open the door to less serious night out? YES. or does he think I'm just a party girl or what? YES. Bad girl! Stop that! You're doing the same thing he is!! First, get in the habit of TALKING to each other using your voices, not texting. Second, you KNOW this by now: if you're looking for a more serious, mature relationship, that's what you need to demonstrate to him in all ways - words and actions. By saying you want to "party" you're basically telling him you want to have a "good time" - which translates as "I'm not looking for a relationship" to a guy.
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