In_thespurofthe_mome Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 possible point in our long distance relationship ? Info: I live in NJ, he lives in PA. It's not the worst of LDRs, and we're both driving distance from one another. We call each other almost every night, and talk is almost always over an hour+ on top of talking online for hours, too. And we talk about everything, literally. He's told me a lot of personal things, memories and what not, his fears, problems, and vice versa, and we both realize the flaws and perfections in each other. We've already been acting like a couple, and make "lovey-dovey" comments (i.e. pet names, nicknames, lots of affection and empathy, what have you.) but we don't say those three words just yet. We're waiting until we can see each other more often, and I don't have a problem with that. Although, I'm curious as to some references he makes; instigating things like living together when we're old enough (and the fact that we'll still be together for that many years), sometimes marriage references, just future references.Are we being short sighted, thinking about the future at this time (because we're in a LDR) ? Is it alright for me to make future references too? Because (me being a realist) I know that there's a chance we will be together--and a chance we won't, and so many people tell me to enjoy the younger years of life (Like high teens-low twenties) instead of focusing so much on commitment.Oh, and another question. How large is the jump from "I like you a lot." to "I love you." ?What do you think? Thanks!
Andie Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 "Are we being short sighted, thinking about the future at this time (because we're in a LDR) ? Is it alright for me to make future references too? Because (me being a realist) I know that there's a chance we will be together--and a chance we won't, and so many people tell me to enjoy the younger years of life (Like high teens-low twenties) instead of focusing so much on commitment." There's nothing wrong in having beautiful dreams as long as you're aware of your chances of success or failure and it looks to me as you're very realistic and pragmatic about it. I agree with what you've heard already: concentrate on enjoying the honeymoon period of your relationship. It's way too early for you to stress about the future. Live the moment and according to how things go you will have the answers to your questions just give it time Oh, and another question. How large is the jump from "I like you a lot." to "I love you." ? There is no law that governs such jump. Some people start with "I love you" to some other can take years. Again give it time and you will know when is the right moment for you to say it. And don't be afraid of saying it first if the other person don't appreciated the gesture is better for you to know earlier than later so you don't waste your time Best wishes for you
BohemeRose Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Info: I live in NJ, he lives in PA. w00t! Jersey girls! Are we being short sighted, thinking about the future at this time (because we're in a LDR) ? Is it alright for me to make future references too? Because (me being a realist) I know that there's a chance we will be together--and a chance we won't, and so many people tell me to enjoy the younger years of life (Like high teens-low twenties) instead of focusing so much on commitment. The point isn't what is alright with the general populus, the point is what are you and your LDbf willing to discuss and put emotional stock into? If it doesn't scare you to talk about a future, then why not? It's fun to think about, and it shows that you're not in it for a quick fling. If YOU are enjoying what you have with him, then isn't that enjoying your life? Of course if he starts picking out china patterns, I might tap the breaks a bit. Oh, and another question. How large is the jump from "I like you a lot." to "I love you." ? Personally, my LDbf and I went from "I like you" to "I like you a lot" to "I adore you" to...and this is a literal quote from him...."Ah, **** it if you don't like it...I LOVE you!" And yes...after a solid minute of silence I said "I love you, too!" Okay, perhaps not the most flowery and romantic story but, that's our style! Needless to say, I was the one who was being a bit apprehensive about the big L word, seeing as I have never loved anyone before him, but to me it's a pretty big step. But, you can't help how you feel! Just be open and honest with him and yourself.
Guestabc123 Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 The moment you feel it, then say it. There are no rules. There's a way around to knowing how he feels about you. Perhaps you can say (only if you really mean it) "I think I am falling in love with you." And mention that it's not something you would normally say to anybody. You're technically not saying I love you just yet, but that you're getting there... Then gauge his reaction. More than likely, he'll tell you the same thing, or even better, that elusive L-word. :-) It worked for me! :-) Good luck!
Author In_thespurofthe_mome Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Thank you all so much for your feed back! Anyway, I'll be honest with you guys, I am inexperienced and I don't know any better when it comes to relationships in general. I mean, i've observed from afar, helped a lot, analyzed them (in a non-creepy way) but personally, i'm lacking my own experience (well, if you want to count relationships that...didn't really count, ha ha ) I see where you all are coming from, and after contemplating about it, I understand. It's just that I'm not entirely sure if what I'm feeling is love yet, because once again, i'm lacking comparison, and.. everyone has their own feeling/definition of love, and I want to see if it can possibly get any better from here Soo, i'll just keep up with the ___ a lot, or adore, and what not Plus, he's a pretty much straight foward guy (and i'm completely different, i'm kind of non-confrontational, lol) So I think I could probably get him to say it, Hehe. Jersey girls, Yes ! & Yes, I do enjoy talking about the future! He says cute things like how he'll get me one of those "Toygers" (new breed of cat that looks exactly like a mini-tiger) for a birthday or christmas when we're older, or traveling around later in life, and it makes me happy to know that he is comfortable with instigating being with me in the future. Oh, another question, If you all wouldn't mind! Do relationships have to / usually start off with either one asking "Would you like to go out with me" (or some traditional variation of it) ? Because, I think for us, it's a mutual understanding that we're together and dating or something like that. Is it alright that he didn't straight up ask me? It's fine though, because I know for a fact we're already in a relationship.Thanks guys.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Have you met yet? All I can say is for you two to spend as much time together in person as humanly possible, before talking about any future plans. While dreams are nice, it's far more realistic to get to know the real person, inside of that dream.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Have you met yet? All I can say is for you two to spend as much time together in person as humanly possible, before talking about any future plans. While dreams are nice, it's far more realistic to get to know the real person, inside of that dream. Great minds think alike (I'm complimenting myself, not you! ), I was going to ask the same thing.
Author In_thespurofthe_mome Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 No, unfortunately. Everything happened to prevent our last... five times. Sad part is, we were in the same city, twice. But yeah, question answered. (I am to see him very soon, though) And that's why.. I think, I don't want to throw those three words around.
pelagicsands Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 almost always over an hour+ on top That's a very good sign. No need to hit the gym, that's for sure. Oh, and another question. How large That's a pretty personal question. It's usually a matter of individual preference. Things sound like they're going very well for you. You are meeting all the challenges, and falling deeper every day. How sweet. Great minds think So true. But just be careful not to overthink things. There is a time for thinking, and then there is a time for anal sex. Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Great minds think alike (I'm complimenting myself, not you! ), I was going to ask the same thing. Ha...I think that's more applicable to me than you.
BohemeRose Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Oh, another question, If you all wouldn't mind! Do relationships have to / usually start off with either one asking "Would you like to go out with me" (or some traditional variation of it) ? Because, I think for us, it's a mutual understanding that we're together and dating or something like that. Is it alright that he didn't straight up ask me? It's fine though, because I know for a fact we're already in a relationship.Thanks guys. Well, my boyfirend and I never did that. Actually, I wasn't sure what was going on between us until one day when he introduced me to a friend of his as his girlfriend. And I was just kind of like..."Oh! Okay, awesome!" lol. However, if there's ever a doubt in your mind you could always go with the direct question "What are we?" I hear of people using that one pretty often.
Author In_thespurofthe_mome Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Well, my boyfirend and I never did that. Actually, I wasn't sure what was going on between us until one day when he introduced me to a friend of his as his girlfriend. And I was just kind of like..."Oh! Okay, awesome!" lol. However, if there's ever a doubt in your mind you could always go with the direct question "What are we?" I hear of people using that one pretty often. Oh yes, about that, There was once this girl who flirted with him and tried to cyber with him, And he was telling her off, and she first said, "sounds like you don't want me to like you..." And he says: "More like I have a girlfriend whom I'm really loyal to..." So, Does him saying that confirm i'm his girlfriend? Lol
Author In_thespurofthe_mome Posted May 1, 2007 Author Posted May 1, 2007 Just to update, he's been dropping a couple more 'future instigations' lately, and it really is nice to know he's sincere. It was sweet, today I asked him if he believes in love at first sight, and he said "Only if it's you" :) Thanks for the answers/advice guys~
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