Deep-N-Doo Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 This is my first post... I will try not to make it too long but I need feedback. When all of my proir relationship came to an end, I was relieved it was over. This time, at least for me, things were going fine until the last day, and now I wonder if she had mentaly left me long ago and was either waiting for or trying to force me to leave. My girlfriend and I are both divorcees. This was my first serious post divorce relationship. She had been divoced five years prior to our hooking up. We both came in with baggage, and at first it started out as casual, but the more we found out about each other and the things we had in common, the more in love I was with her. We have been in the relationship for 2.5 years. We have had moments where we had disputes, but never anything we could not work out. One Saturday I had the TV on and a TV relationship "expert" talked about two things necessary in a relationship were love and respect. I told my GF I felt a lot of love and respect for her. She then asked me if I felt the same from her. I thought about it, and recently every now and then I felt she sometimes did not treat me with respect and I brought that up She made the sarcastic joke, "Well you have found me out, I suppose you will now break up with me." Then a minute later she blew up and said how can you love someone who does not respect you!! I had experienced deep disrespect in my marriage so I am sensitive to small degrees of disrespect. She wanted dates and times of when I felt this and I could not name every occassion. We talked about it quite sometime and came to an agreement that some of it was crankiness on her part and misunderstanding on my part. We agreed as a resolution that if I felt her not respecting me, then I would let her know. Problem solved I felt a weight off my chest and I thought, what a great lady, and we had a great day. The next day I went to run errands and things appeared to be fine. That evening I brought dinner to her house along with a card to express how much she meant to me. It was a funny love card and it made her laugh. But then she asked me after she read it how long I had felt she disrepected me. I felt like I thought this issue had been put to rest. I did not think it was still a big problem. I replied to move on to something else,"oh a couple of months..." She then got real quiet and would not talk to me. I thought "Now what did I do?" Then she left and went upstairs for five minutes. She came back down with steam coming out of her ears and told me, "You know I have problems when you dont tell me things, I am very angry with you and I need you to leave now!" My jaw dropped. I then asked her can't we talk about this in a calm manner? She said no and told me to leave. She would not discuss it or let me get in a word edge wise. She went back upstairs. I picked up my things. I was in a combination of shock and anger. Without thinking I took my copy of her house key and laid it on the table As I walked out the door she told me to come back for my personal stuff which she gave to me and I left. After 5 days to cool down, I called and left her a voice mail.... no reply. The next two days I sent text, attempted to call again, and sent her a face saving apology e-mails to home and work..... no reply. After three weeks of NC from her, I was about done. Then my female friends told me to send her flowers. As a last ditch move I sent a nice bouquet with a card. Still no contact from her. She was the love of my life, but I refuse to be a doormat and chase her down. Did I deserve this type treatment after 2.5 years? What the heck is she thinking? When she told me she loved me that morning and afternoon prior to this argument, did she mean it? I still miss her, but my love has turned into love and major disappointment. She came across to me as a Christian woman. It feels like I was played... What should I do if she ever contacts me?
norajane Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 What should I do if she ever contacts me? Be firm in your resolve not to get back together with her. You've tried every way to contact her and she doesn't have even a shred of decency or respect to actually return your calls or anything. Any more chasing and you'll lose respect for yourself. If she contacts you and says she wants to see you again (big IF), and if you agree, you are cementing your doormat status.
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I agree with Norjane.. I would like to also add that I feel she flipped it on you and made you out to be the bad guy so the spotlight was off her at the moment so she got mad... It was this flip that has made you feel like you need to be begging her back..This flip has also made you feel did did something wrong. One thing to be sure of and that is if you guys do get back on speaking terms you need to clear the decks on the whole disrespect issue.. Even though you keep saying it was no big deal..I have a feeling it was a big deal to you or you wouldn't have made a stand on it.. I had a GF a few years ago that showed me a great deal of disrespect in the way she talked to me.. but she didn't mean it in the way I took it.. She didn't mean any disrespect with her words.. Sometimes we all have different triggers and other people may not know what they are.. Had we cleared the decks we would not have had the blowup that broke us up..
annabelle75 Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Sounds to me like she was looking for a reason to break up. Her reaction makes no sense otherwise. She made a big deal out of it so she could pretend you were the bad guy. For some reason or another she wanted out and latched onto this as the reason why. No one ends a 2.5 year realtionship for something as lame as that. I'm sure you know that deep down. You may never know why, which is hard but I really think you need ot let go and move on with your life. You derseve better than that from a woman.
VirtualInsanity Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Sounds to me like she was looking for a reason to break up. Her reaction makes no sense otherwise. She made a big deal out of it so she could pretend you were the bad guy. For some reason or another she wanted out and latched onto this as the reason why. No one ends a 2.5 year realtionship for something as lame as that. I'm sure you know that deep down. You may never know why, which is hard but I really think you need ot let go and move on with your life. You derseve better than that from a woman. I agree. This is odd.
Author Deep-N-Doo Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 I have ran the scenario over and over again in my mind. People have told me she may have had another man either in mind or lined up and leaped at the first chance she could get to get me out of her house. I know she had been under a lot of work and financial stress, but up till the moment she forced me out of her house I thought we had a strong bond because she would talk to me on the phone for hours when we were apart. The only other rationale I have is this was the first major criticism or complaint I had about the relationship, she knew it was true, and she "could not handle the truth". I am sure she is telling all her friends what an A-hole I was, but people who know me well know thats not true. I am still in shock and anger, this was a character flaw I never saw coming.... but I take it out in the gym and I look and feel better. I agree with you guys though. No matter how much I want her and it hurts, how can I reconcile with someone who would leave me over something silly like this.
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