Stevearino Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Wife and I are in early stages of going thru a divorce. She wants this divorce and approached me on it. I found out thru the past 8 mos. that she was cheating on me with another woman. Today is our 9th year wedding anniversary. Actually the first wedding anniversary since she approached me on all this divorce crap. It's very weird for me should I ignore her...Wine and Dine her...get her a gift... How has everyone else handled wedding anniversaries while going thru divorce. Thanks, Steve
sumdude Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Let's see... my STBX moved out end of Jan. Three days before our 2nd anniversary in early April she came over and told me she didn't want to be married anymore. So I called up my buddies on anniversary day and we had an 'ex bashing' session and general guys night.
Trimmer Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 This is an edited repost from about a year ago. The rest of the thread is here if you want to see it all in context. How about no gift, but a nice card with a few heartfelt sentences - not too pleading or whiny. Our anniversary was around D-Day, and I set all the crap aside to tell her how I felt about my recollections of our marriage and our wedding day (which was positive, incidentally.) No digs or points made about the current situation, but not to giddy either - just a gentle and respectful celebration of the positive. It was one of the only times during that period that she let her guard down and I could see that it genuinely moved her. In the long run, it didn't change the outcome (divorce) but it wasn't really intended to, and it certainly didn't hurt anything. I think part of why she let her guard down is because it was clear that I wasn't trying to score points or take a swipe. It just was what it was, and it celebrated the good stuff. In our case, I don't think we were on such a high-wire that an anniversary gift or card would have swung things one way or the other anyway. In the end though, you need to review the current state of things between you, and figure out what you are comfortable with and what fits your particular situation.
quankanne Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 even though she's the one who approached you for a divorce, I imagine she'll be going through a grieving stage for the loss of this relationship just like you are ... she's had nine-plus years invested in a life with you, and that's not something easily ignored. best thing to do is assess your particular situation, and move from there. I don't believe a "thinking of you" card would be out of the question if it's handled as Trimmer suggests, even if it's "I know we're splitting up, but I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you today" ... it's a kind gesture, IMO
hurting_in_nw Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 My STBXW won't get jack squat from me, ever. That includes a Mother's Day card because she's proven to be just as big a failure as a mother as she is a wife.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I wouldnt do **** for her. I read all of your story and it's sad because she's a godamn fool for doing you dirty like she did. When you cheat and break your marriage vows it makes you a jackass. If I was you dont call, email,im,text message, nothing. Just pretend like it's another day and sit in silence. Better yet get dressed up, black armani suits, clark hush puppies, black trench coats and matching fedora and hit the hottest spots in town for a good time. Oh and dont wear your wedding ring if you got it. Go and get some new coochie. Forget her she messed up not you. Dont buy her nothing let the OW take care of her, the OW is her husband now!
Author Stevearino Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 Chrome, I did hook myself up with a hot BMW for the weekend!!! I'm going to go out and have a good time and celebrate my own life. Thanks, Steve
Woggle Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 She doesn't want to be married anymore so she gets nothing that goes along with marriage. Treat it like any other day.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Chrome, I did hook myself up with a hot BMW for the weekend!!! I'm going to go out and have a good time and celebrate my own life. Thanks, Steve OMG hopefully you could have got the 645IL that beemer is crazy, trust me total chick magnet especially if you sitting on some 20's. Check out my name I love nice cars with the chrome. You need a hobby too, ignore your STBXW, take care of your kids and do things without eithering mentioning her. Ignore her but only respond if it's about the kids, trust me she's gonna see the grass aint always greener.
Darth Vader Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 I wouldnt do **** for her. I read all of your story and it's sad because she's a godamn fool for doing you dirty like she did. When you cheat and break your marriage vows it makes you a jackass. If I was you dont call, email,im,text message, nothing. Just pretend like it's another day and sit in silence. Better yet get dressed up, black armani suits, clark hush puppies, black trench coats and matching fedora and hit the hottest spots in town for a good time. Oh and dont wear your wedding ring if you got it. Go and get some new coochie. Forget her she messed up not you. Dont buy her nothing let the OW take care of her, the OW is her husband now! Hmmm, Black. My kind of attire!
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Good for you. Avoid sending her anything for any significant dates. She made a choice, now it's time to move on and from the sounds of it, you did, with a new BMW. Enjoy your freedom!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Also go hit a gym, you got two kids and trust me your gonna need to work that six pack and show it off for the pretty little thangs out there. it's your wife's lost. trust me the relationship with the OW wont last long, cause if she'll cheat on you with her, she'll cheat with someone else. Cause that's how it usually goes.
azianpride143 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 My stbx just had her birthday and I did not get her anything. I picked out the gift and card and made it look like it came from the kids. I no longer would desire to give her anything from myself anymore. It is over. Our anniversary is coming up in June and I will just give her a card with no gift. There is nothing to reminiscence. It's over. I would be sad that day. Maybe breakout some wine alone since it is a memorable day.
Gunny376 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 FORGET THAT! Time to clean yourself up, dress yourself, get your head and act together ~ get back out there and let all the Ladies out there know your free and out here again! Your mantra is "So many ladies ~ so little time!"
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2007 Posted May 1, 2007 Steve what's cracking keep us in the loop about how you doing. hope everything works out for you. Keep those kids safe.
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