Author insomnie Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Well, we broke up. I went over to his house today (basically invited myself over evev though we had plans becuase he didnt call, again), he asked me if I was mad, I said I was. I asked him if he knew why and he said that he did. I asked him if he thougth it was ok to treat me the way he's been doing- completely ignoring me and making me out to be the crazy one. He said no, but that he didn't want a relationship until he feels he can be the provider. I tried to make it clear that that wasn't what I was looking for - but he basically told me that that was nonnegotiable. That he wants to make money and feels that I prevent him from doing so becuase I take up time, just like any girl would. He said our problems weren't because of me, he just doen'st want to be tied down. Even though there is a little ball of raged lodged in my chest now, I remained calm during the whole conversation except for the very end. As I was leaving I called him a total jerk and slammed the door - becuase that's what he is. To put someone on such a rollercoaster ride for three eyars when you know you have problems - and then to make it out like it is my fault - that's just so mean. But anyway. I feel ok. I know that he's the one that's losing. Next time I won't date people with crappy childhoods whose moms abandoned them. I think that's what I learned (sorry if I offend anyone). PS PS/MH/TL cracks me up.
torranceshipman Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Insomnie - that last post was one of the smartest posts I've ever read on LoveShack! Sounds like you are handling this 100% the right way - taking the time you need to get your head together then telling him its all over. Good on you!
dropdeadlegs Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Reading the break up story post tells me that he was looking for you to do the actual breaking up so he didn't have to be the bad guy. At least he wanted you to make the first move towards the breakup conversation. He continued in behavior that he KNEW was upsetting to you, and why it was upsetting, so that he didn't have to initiate the conversation leading to the split. I hope your therapy appt went well and that you were offered information as to other places that can provide free or greatly reduced rates for future sessions. Using this time to better understand yourself, your needs, your actions, etc. will only help you to make better partner choices in the future. I know it hurts, but I really feel that this guy was wrong for you, at least at this time. My thoughts are with you, insomnie.
Star Gazer Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Your break-up post is seriously one of the most logical, well-thought out responses to the situation I've ever read. Good for you!! Reading the break up story post tells me that he was looking for you to do the actual breaking up so he didn't have to be the bad guy. At least he wanted you to make the first move towards the breakup conversation. He continued in behavior that he KNEW was upsetting to you, and why it was upsetting, so that he didn't have to initiate the conversation leading to the split. You know, I agree that he was waiting for you to do the actual breaking up to save himself the guilt. But ya know what? He's been treating you badly for soooooooo long, makes me think he's been waiting for this for at least a year!, and making you think it was your fault!!! What a complete a-hole!!!!!
Teddy and Jane Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 PH isn't a troll. You just have to dismiss his messages within the important threads. Posting useless things meant to mock the poster and make them feel worse when they are hurting...well, I would characterize that as a troll. It doesn't matter how long they've been a member of the "community."
Storyrider Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Posting useless things meant to mock the poster and make them feel worse when they are hurting...well, I would characterize that as a troll. It doesn't matter how long they've been a member of the "community." 1.You're assuming a bad motive, which is a false assumption. 2. The OP of this thread did not feel that way. 3. People in glass houses...you know the rest.
Totoro Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Congratulations, Insomnie! You will be SOOOOOO much happier, trust me. Dumping a guy who doesn't treat you well enough is SUCH a relief (I know from experience...) Good luck in the future! Totoro
Teddy and Jane Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 1.You're assuming a bad motive, which is a false assumption. 2. The OP of this thread did not feel that way. 3. People in glass houses...you know the rest. It was a bad motive, to make the OP feel stupid to have the feelings their having. The OP didn't respond. I don't think I've ever seen pelagicsands post anything of help, just useless quoting out of context and mocking to be honest.
Storyrider Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 The OP didn't respond. This was the OP's response: PS PS/MH/TL cracks me up. Not a negative one at all.
pelagicsands Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 I don't think I've ever seen pelagicsands And let's keep it that way.
Guest Posted April 30, 2007 Posted April 30, 2007 It's me. I've been banned off LS so haven't been responding in my threads. I think Pelagicsands is very funny. Last night x called me at least 20 times. I didn't pick up and about an hour later I heard someone throwing pebbles at my window. I got out of bed (it was 4 am) and looked out the window. It was him. He came upstairs and proceeded to tell me that the *real* reason he wanted to end it was sex, but that I shouldn't take it personally. I didn't want to take it at all so I never foudn out if he meant he wasunsatisfied with our sex life and wanted to work on it now, or wanted to have sex with other people, or what. Even though I don't know I'm actually not taking it personally at all because whatever sexual problems we had were HIS FAULT. HE'S the one unopen to experimentation and completely opposed to discussion. Whatever. So then I told him I was seeing someone else (which I think I am but I didn't mention how it's only for drugs and loneliness and I'm not even sure whether the guy likes me or we're just friends like I'd prefer) and that made the boyfriend both cry and get aroused. Whilst asking me how I coudl get involved again so fast after a 3 year relationship, he proceeded to undress me and play with my nipples. We had hot sex. It's always hottest when we're not togehter and even though I know I'm being used I don't much care - it's hard for me to resist a good bangin. THe next morning he slept till noon and then took off as soon as he woke up. He didn't say anything about our status or what happened the night before or even my new "boyfriend". Just left and I haven't heard from him since. I'm thinking I probably will, again, though. But, my new policy is that I treat everythign with humor. I'm just going to pretend, no matter what is happening, that this is the middle of some hilarious personal essay, a collection of which I'll maybe get to writing one of these days.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Sometimes you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. If sex with you was a "problem" I don't see why he would want it last night. Then again, I almost always have to have that last sexual experience to move on. Just one more time. So, proceed as you see fit. i can't even imagine why you, of all people, were banned.
Mary Magdalene Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 So then I told him I was seeing someone else (which I think I am but I didn't mention how it's only for drugs and loneliness and I'm not even sure whether the guy likes me or we're just friends like I'd prefer) and that made the boyfriend both cry and get aroused. Whilst asking me how I coudl get involved again so fast after a 3 year relationship, he proceeded to undress me and play with my nipples. We had hot sex. It's always hottest when we're not togehter and even though I know I'm being used I don't much care - it's hard for me to resist a good bangin. From what I've read, this thought pattern seems a little out of character...no?
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