LoveSux Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 If one person is always sharing information of his/her life while the other person is only just there to lend a helpful shoulder and/or give practical advise? Could such a "friendship" be considered an emotional "affair"?
AFarAwayPlace Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I don't think that's an emotional affair as it's not two-sided.
Trialbyfire Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 An emotional affair is when one or both parties have more than a friendly interest in each other. You will find that in most emotional affairs, the party providing the support has a vested interest in the outcome, therefore consciously or subconsciously will provide ego-stroking advice or support that negatively impacts on the primary relationship. In doing so, this side relationship drains positive synergies from the primary relationship and sooner or later will replace the primary relationship.
Trimmer Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 LoveSux - I think the energy we spend discussing what is or is not the specific definition of an emotional affair is somewhat a waste, or at least misdirected... I think the phenomenon of the EA does exist, is damaging, and is often a gateway to physical infidelity, but an outside definition doesn't matter much, if those boundaries are not defined and agreed upon within your primary relationship. An example of a boundary important to me is if two people come to a mutual understanding - by explicit communication or more subtle ways - that there is a "more than friends" attraction, and then they don't take affirmative steps to back off, as far as I'm concerned, I feel a line has been crossed. We get into arguments around here over what constitutes definition of "emotional affair", "cheating", "infidelity", etc... In the end the outcomes of those arguments don't matter as much as having an agreement, within your marriage, of where the boundaries are. Since you have a less common situation within your marriage (an already burned-out marriage with an explicit agreement to stay together for a child; thread here) things get a little more dicey - when you guys agreed to "stay together," did you have any discussion about boundaries? Do you have sex with each other? Did you discuss the issue of relationships with others, and what boundaries there would be, if any? My final thought is that I think it is also important to apply the Golden Rule - no matter what we say here, what do you think your husband would say, if he could follow you around and view all of your actions and hear all of your words? Would they stand scrutiny? How about the wife of your Professor? Would his words and actions stand up to her scrutiny?
Meaplus3 Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 LoveSux, Since I had an ea I would define it as this: "An emotional affair is a secret relationship that involves intimate sharings with some one other than a spouse." AP:)
Tomcat33 Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 If what's being discussed with this person is being hidden from your respective significant others, it's an EA. If you look foward to the next time you speak/see this person and find yourself daydreaming about them all the time, it's an EA. If you feel a sexual or romantic pull even though you know it's wrong and continue to engage in connection with this person, it's an EA. If you would rather confide your daily happenings in this person rather than your significant other, it's an EA. If you would prefer spending time away from your significant other to devote your time to this person, it's an EA. hope that helps
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