michaels_girl Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Ok, I am new here and this is my first post...but here it goes...I am not technically the ow. They seperated before i ever came into the picture. they are still married, though. He is wanting to divorce her and she wants the divorce and to give him custody of his 1 yr. old daughter. She blames the military for them seperating and i feel like she is wanting to give him custody because she knows they won't let him stay in the military if he is a "single parent". This way she thinks he will have no choice but to come back to her. She sorta knows about me but doesn't because they are still married. My problem is that i want this to be over and for her to be gone. I know she will always be in his life cause of the baby but i want the divorce papers done already. He is deployed but is having to wait for that to be over for the divorce to go through....yay....i guess this more of a vent then anything...
Trialbyfire Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I hope you don't resent the 1 year old daughter. If you're not prepared to continue a relationship with a single parent, best to rethink things now. Regardless if he's separated or not, he always was a parent...
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 How long have they been separated and how long have you two been involved? In all honesty, I don't think you have to push him to divorce. It isn't fair and it isn't your place either. You knew going in he was separated and unless you two are considering getting married in the near future, back off of asking him to divorce.
Jinxx Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Ok, I am new here and this is my first post...but here it goes...I am not technically the ow. They seperated before i ever came into the picture. they are still married, though. He is wanting to divorce her and she wants the divorce and to give him custody of his 1 yr. old daughter. Well you're not the OW yet but if he goes back to her chances are you will be. What I find odd is that his wife is willing to give him custody of their child. There is something not quite right with that picture, just not normal. Be careful. It might look good now but you could be setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartache.
Author michaels_girl Posted April 27, 2007 Author Posted April 27, 2007 Ok, no I don't resent the daughter and i have a daughter of my own. So there is no problem there....And i am not forcing him to get the divorce, he wants it.I just wish it was done already so that we could move on in our lives...and we have been together a little over 6 months almost 7 now. They were seperated for almost a year when me and him started talking.
Guest Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 ... They were separated for almost a year when me and him started talking. For clarity's sake I must ask, were they separated due to his deployment?
Silhouettes Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Hi, i think you are lucky at least he is trying to get a divorce and that shows he geniunely loves you, i am in love with a married man early since last year, before we had sex he told me that he is divorcing his wife but now i understood it is not true, but i decided to wait for him, ....all my friends and family told me it is not worth waiting and our relationship will lead us to nowhere, but i decided to take this risk, .......love is different on every shore so don't just to follow up others experience. believe your instinct.
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 6-7 months isn't a long time...Not long enough for you to be pushing him to hurry the divorce up. She sorta knows about me but doesn't because they are still married. Well, why not tell her the truth? Encourage him to come clean about it. She has a right to know who her daughter is spending time with. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want to know if your daughter was around another woman? IF they are not together at all anymore, and divorce is in the process, then start things off properly by not hiding your relationship from his soon to be ex wife.
Author michaels_girl Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 she does know about me but she hasn't met me is what i meant by the sorta...she knows about us and i am not pushing him to get the divorce. He wants to divorce her i just was saying i wished it would hurry up and be final...
will2power Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Ok, I am new here and this is my first post...but here it goes...I am not technically the ow. They seperated before i ever came into the picture. they are still married, though. He is wanting to divorce her and she wants the divorce and to give him custody of his 1 yr. old daughter. ( Technically speaking until he is D, he is still M. So technically speaking he is aka SMM (separated married man). So technically speaking you are an OW. No matter how you paint it, that's the technicality. Now... how to survive this time. Patience. Let his settling his legal status his job. Do not live with him until the dust settles. You didn't specify how long he is S and how long into the S when you met him. So those details would be good to know. Read a lot of books to help yourself. Good ones are "How to Survive your Boyfriend's Divorce" and one that is good for him to read is "Rebuilding: When Your Love Relationship Ends" (at least I think that's what its called). Knowledge is a good armour. Good luck. By the way, this is not the best place to be for OW support. To many people are on the attack. JMO.
Author michaels_girl Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 Ok, good point. They have been seperated for about 11 months when me and him started talking as just friends. But we have known each other for years but he moved away and we lost contact. So me and him have been talking for about 7 months. When me and him started talking he was trying to fix his relationship. It was over before we even started talking in a relationship way. He tried everything in his power but she just wouldn't help him. He was hurt and I let him do his thing. I told him no way was i gonna be the rebound girl. I know technically i am the ow but the day he lands is the day he will sign the divorce papers so that it will be over. I was just trying to be there for him as a friend. But the friendship grew into something more and i don't regret it. So in a little time the divorce will be final and i will no longer be considered the ow. But until then I guess everyone will have to hate me cause in no way am I gonna turn my back on him now when his family and friends have already done that....
Author michaels_girl Posted May 3, 2007 Author Posted May 3, 2007 For clarity's sake I must ask, were they separated due to his deployment? No...They were seperated due to the fact she no longer loved him and told him so even though after she said that he tried to make it work....But she blamed the military for her no longer wanting to be with him...she said she didn't marry a military man why did she have to deal with it...I guess(my opinion) is sometimes it's easier if you go into it knowing then for it to happen afterwards...but he saw an opportunity to improve his life which meant improving his families life....
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