patientguy Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 This is strange to me. I have always started relationships in the past based firstly on physical attraction. My OW isn't unattractive, but I became involved with her because of emotional ties first which have developed into a physical attraction. However, she's not the package I would've considered a whole lot at first. Now I find myself in love with her and none of that matters in the slightest and I see her now as the most beautiful person I've ever known. I'm now putting myself through an unhealthy lifestyle because of that. I find it that my emotional ties to her, something I'm not used to, is MUCH harder to deal with. Does this emotional pull wear off like physical attraction does with time?
Jinxx Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 This is strange to me. I have always started relationships in the past based firstly on physical attraction. My OW isn't unattractive, but I became involved with her because of emotional ties first which have developed into a physical attraction. However, she's not the package I would've considered a whole lot at first. Now I find myself in love with her and none of that matters in the slightest and I see her now as the most beautiful person I've ever known. I'm now putting myself through an unhealthy lifestyle because of that. I find it that my emotional ties to her, something I'm not used to, is MUCH harder to deal with. Does this emotional pull wear off like physical attraction does with time? Physical attractiveness is important but not the basis of a lasting relationship. Do you have chemistry? Are sexually compatable? Do you have the same hobbies? Do you have the same goals? I believe that if you share the same interests and have chemistry and are compatable with one another then that is the start of what a relationship is all about.
Yamaha Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 An emotional "pull" doesn't wear off like physical attraction. If you want to stop an emotional attraction you have to distance yourself from them to end the connection ( and even then it can take lots of time depending how attached you two are ). It can be very difficult for many people.
torranceshipman Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 You're the MM? Well, you don't realistically need to consider the total package as she's still only your OW. Maybe to make her more than just an OW you'd need the total package, but right now you're protected from facing those kind of issues/the reality of that, aren't you? Not a criticism, just saying...
lonelybird Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Please divoice your wife first, then begin to consider OW, OR forget OW, rework your marriage. otherwise you will lose both
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Does this emotional pull wear off like physical attraction does with time? If you are with someone freely, and share a full life with them then your goals, hopes and dreams have already been reached and it is easier to let the emotional ties relax as you get used to being in each other's lives. Emotional ties wax and wane - in long term relationships it is easy to take your partner for granted emotionally. The emotions range from flatline to intense, and back again. Why? Because the relationship is secure and both partners are free to feel as they do because the relationship isn't going anywhere. Security. That is what allows for the fluctuation of emotions. That said, fluctuation doesn't mean that the pull goes away. I imagine that's why your married woman stays married. However... In a situation like yours where the love cannot be fully realized and you can't be with the person you love, the emotional ties will be that much stronger and last that much longer. You can't take it for granted, because there really isn't a stable and secure bond that will provide the security necessary for the freedom of emotions. A good deal of your emotional investment in this woman is hope and wishful thinking. You have not only fallen for this woman, you have fallen for the idea of being with this woman should she ever get around to leaving her husband. You have this goal in mind with her, and have reached the point where you are beginning to see that you may not reach it with her - that makes you want it that much more. Letting go of a person is easy. Letting go of your hopes/wishful thinking as it pertains to that person is hard, particularly when you don't really have them but wish you did.
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