Question?

[New Hope]

Im gonna keep short and sweet! my ex girlfriend has return back to me after doing NC to her twice, she says she wants to make us work but her actions anit showing it again is like everytime I NC her thats when she wants to think and all that. my question is how should I act when an ex girlfriend comes back to you..anybody successful on this matter with experience....

[2ndIINone]

actions speak louder then words....

 

she already screwed up twice.... hasn't changed. And YOU keep forgiving her. You think NC got her back in your life.... truth is... she owns you. She knew she could worm her way back in... and she did.

 

how should you act??? Aloof. You shouldn't have given in so easy. Possibly, not even have taken her back... cause this is the start of what could be... a long ongoing cycle.

[New Hope]

2ndIInone your right! this was her second chance and she not showing me nothing. I dont contact her or txt or nothing...I've been laid back...Cause doing the NC and all that is not a problem for me..I just never been hit with a situation like this in terms of how to act towards my ex..yeah Im gonna cut off ties for a third time and this time for the long run (Most likely forever but I dont know what the future holds). What triggers me the most is how shes acting, the one time we spoke she said she had a feeling we was going to meet again, and she wants to work the situation in person (Bull**** in my head)...Despite all the crazy stuff, she still has a weakness! Which is to cut her off because she still has something underneath the rocks but it shouldnt matter..and believe me im not waiting on her..Im not going to Txt her, telling her or even call her! im just gonna vanish on her......more effective...I feel better when I dont speak to her....

[2ndIINone]

I spent 3.5 years going back in forth like that. She'd split... I'd beg... she'd laugh at me... I'd walk. Two months later she'd be back crying... "I'll change, I'll change!!!"

 

This went off and on forever.... guess who's fault it was? ALL MINE! I let her come back 2 too many times... but in the end, it taught me a wonderful lesson. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE deep rooted personality traits.

[New Hope]

2ndIInone does she ever try getting back with you until this day?

[New Hope]

2ndIInone I forgot to add, I told her to delete her myspace and she did, because I wasnt playing with her no more!! I was shock she listened but im not gonna let that move phase me...because I still dont know what she doing....I was gonna NO Contact her, I dont call her or txt her...but her move but shock to me...I took it as a good! she listened...

[2ndIINone]

2ndIInone does she ever try getting back with you until this day?

 

we split over 4 years ago... I relocated to a new state soon after. Friends told me she was snoopin' around for months after. (she didn't know I moved away). Last year, she found me on MS. Wanted to talk... (about us). I deleted my page. She has since moved on with a 53 year old guy. She's 29. apparently still has issues.

[New Hope]

yeah the girl does have problems...im just gonna fall back and relax and not give the situation much thought...she surprize with her listening to me..when it comes to deleting myspace..but I dont let the move phase me..its all tactics...

[2ndIINone]

back to the original question of "how you should act"

 

Let's not "act".... but rather... "BE" a person who can live with OR without her. You can't be needy or clingy. Turnoff. You can't pressure with questions or emotions.... Turnoff. You absolutely can NOT be her 'friend'. Won't get you anywhere.

 

Be "Aloof"... indifferent. Basically "Be the man"

[New Hope]

2ndIInone thanks...so I should keep going with my No Contact, because the only form of contact is when she contacts me!! she deleted her myspace and listened to what I said! to help move forward and repair are relationship...or even when she does contact me ignore it and no contact her for a very long time? what u thinm because im not falling into the friends bubble

[2ndIINone]

Do you want to give her 'another' chance? Do you believe she'll change for the better? Become more stable?

[New Hope]

2ndIInone to be honest, sometimes I want her back, yeah I wouldnt mind working things out! but at the same time I feel indifferent towards her...Like deep down I feel something for her, but not on the surface level no more..she told me she wanted to see when she comes to New York..she told me she didnt want to feel lonely again because all she does is work, school and has no friends!! in Florida...Like she listened to me when I told her to delete myspace because I told her if she serious on working things out then myspace has to leave because it causes problems...she deleted it the next day cause I warn her if she doesnt, then dont bother ever returning in my life again and this time my friend was not gonna save her...I feel like I need to No contact her for months...because she thinks about me alot when I do to her for a month...Even though my boy said dont do it, I feel like I need to...I dont call her, txt, email no nothing..we spoke once on the phone and she tx me to see how I was...im done trying to fix things, ill let her do it..because she came back to me! plus im not on her back..she she has her space..I know she's having her fun it dont bother me...I know im having my fun two, see other girls...but for some reason life is funny and I know the day will come when I will truly move on and she;s the one who;s gonna want to fix things..If progress is not made between me and my ex then guess what shes getting cut out of my life for good...Im not gonna get put in the friend bubble or speak every once and while bubble..So I feel like what im doing is good! what;s your opinion? Cause its like damn I want her to chase me but u cant control ones feeling.....

[2ndIINone]

hmmm.... it sounds a little like she wants you, but only when something better isn't there for her. Deleting her myspace could be 'real' or could just be her doing what she has to do NOW to prove to you she's serious. Basically, giving you what you want.... but it could only be temporary. You don't sound like you are THAT emotionally attached to her... which is good.

 

I say, keep up with what you're doing... letting her pursue you. Not for the game, but to show her that you have boundaries. Boundaries that she's crossed in the past that you no longer want her to cross. Your casual distance is what's keeping her around... acting like you don't care whether she's around or not. You're in a tough spot right now... you know her better then anyone... is she being sincere at the moment? or does that lil' voice inside you say that's she's just frontin' to get what she wants and not what YOU want. Be smart, be independent... be someone she would WANT to be with.... don't question her emotions and feelings when you two talk. Let HER be the one to bring up her feelings on her own terms.

[New Hope]

2ndIINone I felt like she deleted myspace to still came me in the ball game to some extend, so I dont know to be honest wither she being sincere or frontin....I wish I knew her like I use two but she changed because of her enviroment..Yeah your right im not going to question her emotions and feelings, I shouldnt care and ill act indifferent like I use to with her! plus she knew if she didnt deleted it I was walking out of her life for good with no return this time..maybe she did it to buy some time so I wouldnt walk out just yet...plus im taking to ur advice of not contacting her or txt or email, no nothing.....so if she contacts me, or emails or txts me ignore it right? that Love I once had for her is not the same..sometimes I feel like I still want her because Im not with her, But I bet if we was to hookup again my feelings wont be there no more..thank god im talking to u with your support because you have experience on the matter...This time around because this is her second time coming back, im showing that if she wants to work it out then fine and if not then whatever...

[2ndIINone]

so if she contacts me, or emails or txts me ignore it right?

That all depends if you want her in your life or see yourself getting back with her. If you have feelings for her, I'd say respond to texts, calls. BUT NOT RIGHT AWAY!. In other words, don't be at her every beck-n-call. Don't be so available. If you're busy, don't answer. And let her contact you back. You know her history.... she comes... she goes... she comes back again. She's USE to you accepting her back right away. Make her work a little bit.

sometimes I feel like I still want her because Im not with her

This is BIG... most wouldn't admit this. And most likely it's true. But only you would know. You could be totally tired and numb from her bs actions in the past. That's how I got eventually. I would always take her back... sometimes make her work for it, sometimes not. Finally, one day... I realized I have had enough. Sitting at dinner.... looked acrossed the table... told her I was done this time... and that I didn't want to be with her. (first time I broke it off with her... all the other times, she had broke things off with me.) And it stuck.... I was done with her after that because I was done with her emotionally.

 

you have experience on the matter.

My ex was nuts though. Proven.... BPSD and PSD. If she was coming back in my life... NOTHING would stop her @ss.... and she would do within 24hrs.... I wouldn't hear anything from her in weeks/months....then she'd call... 10 times, send texts, emails... drivebys until she was face to face with me... all out of the blue actions within a 24 hour period.... crying, manipulating, begging , saying and doing everything she could just to satisfy me.

[New Hope]

2ndIINone, yeah I feel that way emotionally she crossess my mind every once and awhile is now that is starting to fade from daily to time to time..she remind me that she still has my shirt with my name on it, my socks, things I gave her...she told me she would always miss me and that the other guy didnt have my retardedness has she puts it, thats what made us different of course shes 19 and hes 31 and work together..because he was giving her everything I wasnt but that..I was like how can I, if the distance is in the way..I know she wants to have fun right now! let her have it..cause I know she still sees my email from time to time even though she told me she didnt want to be commited yet because she feels the lonelness is gonna catch up and wants to discuss our future in person, thats when I issue out my warnings....I feel like I need to vanish from her life for a long time, thats is when I start having her brain working...Yeah emotionally im out of it...is that ounce of love that u will always have for that person that keeps me in and for the simple fact that me and her are unresolved......plus I was her first everything...I told her you known me for 6 years, u only known him for about 1 and half...she needs her experience..she liked him then she told my boy now that she not doing nothing with him but I believe is bull****...I wish I had the formula to make her chase me...I believe I have the formula which is not to speak but find a way to keep her emotionally hook to me...what techniques did u use 2ndIInone to have ur ex go crazy? I feel like I need to vanish for a long time without contact with her...My gut tells me that...im gonna do it wither my boy likes it or not..what u think bout that two?

[2ndIINone]

I'm a little confused.... you want to vanish and yet, you want the techniques to make her chase you? So do you want this girl? or Not?

 

Your boy? He telling you to pursue her? Or walk away from her?

[New Hope]

2ndIINone I do to some extend to be honest because of my emotions, yeah i felt like vanishing will make her chase me because thats when she thinks about me and chases after me, thats why I was asking u for the techniques because of your experience and the simple fact your ex came chasing u back..my boy is telling me not to be a dumbass and vanish because she listened to me and deleted her myspace......sorry for being confusing......

[2ndIINone]

Well, what's your boy gonna say when you take her back to quickly and she's still hangin' on to the 31 year old... in turn, making you look like a fool, playin' second fiddle to some guy who is just using her @ss to impress his 30+ year old friends. He has nothing in common with her... not conversation, not careers, experiences.... he's just enjoying her attention as much as she's enjoying his.

 

She is 19.... still far from 'settling'... hell, she can't even drink yet... just wait till she turns 21... You're gonna have your hands full.

 

"IF" you want her back... "IF" she's still messin' with the 31 year old.... you have to handle it correctly. She' emotionally connected to you... and you, somewhat connected to her. You DON'T wanna be second best to this guy... so DON'T pursue her... or try to win her over. It'll never happen. "IF" the 31 year old is still around.... DON'T knock him. Don't put him down... in fact, do the opposite.... build him up. (makes you look unthreatened....independent and strong.... again, can live with or without her) ((some people don't know this)) Even if she mentions him and some of his faults... make excuses for the guy... "Maybe he meant this, or maybe he was just thinking that..." Most would dive right into bashing the 'other' guy. Refrain from such actions.

 

If you yourself already know that if you distance yourself from her, she'll come runnin' then do it. But do it for the right reasons. When she comes, be aloof... calm cool and collected. Think Fonzie from Happy Days.

He lived in an apartment, worked in a garage, couldn't afford a car so he rode a motorcycle.... and NEVER ONCE changed his damn Tshirt and jeans.... BUT his hair always looked good and he was calm under pressure.... didn't sweat any women... CEPT' for Pinky Tuscadero.... who he almost lost because he turned into a wussy with all his feelings and emotions... Crazy analogy I know, but think about it. Of course, the fonz might be before your time.

 

Keeping your distance is the best move... only answer her calls if YOU'RE not busy... (driving, studying, sleeping, eating, friends, family, washing the dog, doin' laundry = too busy) Sitting in front of the TV = not busy. Keep the conversations to a minimum... let her know what youve been doin', who you're hangin' out with.... having fun??? Let her know about it.... in the end, ask her how she's doing? Uh huh, yea, uh huh, yea.... gotta go... cause' ya have a 'thing to do...'

 

Remember, this girl has taken you for a ride with her being so unstable. It's time for you to set some boundaries.... write em' down if ya have too. What she can and can't get away with.... don't EVER let her cross em.

 

She'll come around in time....

[New Hope]

2ndIInone your right...she dont call me on the phone we only spoken twice in total and once txt she send me...Im showing her I dont need her..cuz she not hearing from me...This guy is 31 yr old has no career and works in wal-mart to the average girl who has a career he's a bum...she dumb she tells me Oh he likes me and he has beautiful girl coming to the job and calling all the time, so I go then why he messing wit you and cant get a girl his age...Cuz he gets no pussy!!!!...I told her your his sex buddy.....I have some anger towards her, that I know if we was together she'll go thru hell....Yeah I need to keep my distance....im gonna vanish...if she calls leave a voice mail or something I anit gonna answer as fast no more..ill act very indifferent and not bring up the relationship no more like im not gonna bother with it no more...im gonna try my best to go over two months without contact..because she always calls at the end of the month with her unstable emotions....yeah even thru out the years she always had been emotionally connected to me and always ran back..what u think of that..especially when my boy told me she was hurt when I told her I dont wanna hear from her again in this lifetime and saw I was not playing...she told me she was calm at the same time because she had a feeling we'll speak again...I told her u come back u better be serious...yeah I feel I need to leave for months...the only way to get her brain again..sometimes I feel she needs to get hers to humble herself...

[2ndIINone]

So? it's been a few days.... what's the word?

[New Hope]

2NdIInone, Havent heard from her!! Fine by me...I plan to keep NC up..Right I got alot women im talking to..get my mind off my ex..your thoughts?

[New Hope]

Yeah man, I got myself a new girlfriend long distance again, but I dont care cuz I have others in the same area as for me..as for my ex she is becoming a faded memory....I dont miss her, I dont care if I talk to her, its almost going to be two weeks NC, and ask me if I care..I have a feeling that the universe works funny and the day shes truly gone from my memory thats when she will return..or not! the point is she not hearing from me in a very very very long time, give her the feeling Yes!! he truly gone out of my life...Oh and read the posts before this one