jcster Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I've been a longtime lurker - but now I have a question! I'm a 41 year old woman - divorced for 2 years (previously married for 10). I have recently hooked up with a 36 year old man who works at the same organization as I do. We've been flirting and had lunch a few times in the last 4 months - last week he took me to dinner, we went back to his place and had awesome sex and a really fun evening. I went over to his house last Sunday and stayed overnight - again - the sex was awesome. We had a great time. So - here's the hitch: We had made plans for me to go to his apartment this evening (brought my change of clothes and everything) - but he didn't show up for work today. I knew he had some friends/family coming over last night - and it might have gone late - so no big deal if he needed to sleep in. I called him today around noon and left a light message and said he should call me back to let me know what's going on. Yup, you guessed it - no return call. Am I being paranoid in thinking that this is some sort of test - or distancing maneuver? Maybe he just forgot, but I would have thought he'd at least check his message and return my call if that were the case. If it turns out that there wasn't some really good reason for him to blow me off - how should I proceed? Thanks Mucho!
2ndIINone Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 too early to tell if he's 'testing'..... the decent thing to do would've been to return your call. Keep that in mind.
sweetscarlet Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Exactly what kind of "friend" was coming into town???
Author jcster Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 "...what kind of friend..?" He was having his brothers over. From what I hear, they tend to stay late.
sweetscarlet Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 "...what kind of friend..?" He was having his brothers over. From what I hear, they tend to stay late. JUST his brothers?
Author jcster Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 So what do I say to him about this? Should I just give him a "missed you yesterday - everything ok?" or should I mention the fact that he didn't call? I really don't want to pin this guy down right now - it's way too soon - I just hate being blown off.
sweetscarlet Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 So what do I say to him about this? Should I just give him a "missed you yesterday - everything ok?" or should I mention the fact that he didn't call? I really don't want to pin this guy down right now - it's way too soon - I just hate being blown off. What should you say to him? How about "good-bye" He has you all set up to be his evening entertainment and something better comes along and he blows you off. They don't end up getting BETTER, you know........
sweetscarlet Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Btw, an even greater reason to say "good-bye" NOW....you work with him. This is going to get bad if it continues. You do NOT want that at your workplace.
Author jcster Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 What should you say to him? How about "good-bye" He has you all set up to be his evening entertainment and something better comes along and he blows you off. They don't end up getting BETTER, you know........ Well now - I don't think I'll jump to that conclusion just yet! I definitely am keeping in mind that I've been blown off, but I don't think he's got a parade of trollops rolling in his door right now either. This was a "spur of the moment" thing that we agreed on yesterday - I didn't spend a month buying a prom dress. The working in the same place is problematic - but we are in different departments and in different sides of the building. I don't forsee any screaming fights up and down the halls - I'm a grown up now. Oh, and he was MY evenings entertainment!
sweetscarlet Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Well now - I don't think I'll jump to that conclusion just yet! I definitely am keeping in mind that I've been blown off, but I don't think he's got a parade of trollops rolling in his door right now either. This was a "spur of the moment" thing that we agreed on yesterday - I didn't spend a month buying a prom dress. Whether he has trollops or not doesn't matter. You planned an intimate evening with him and he blew you off without even a call. That's a slap in the face. The working in the same place is problematic - but we are in different departments and in different sides of the building. I don't forsee any screaming fights up and down the halls - I'm a grown up now. I'm afraid you might be a bit mistaken on this one. Many before you have said those very same words and many have regretted them. And I include myself. Oh, and he was MY evenings entertainment! Nothing wrong with that......BUT....you're the one writing here and he isn't. You're the one thinking about it. That's pretty normal for a woman....that's how we're wired. No matter how much we try to act as free-wheeling as some of the other gender might act, it's not the same for us.
D-Lish Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 It's so early in the courtship that you can allow him ONE mistake like this. Breaking plans and not returning a call could be something major or minor. It's too hard to say at this point. What you must do at this point is wait for him to come to you. That will be hard- because you are probably feeling vulnerable because of the sex. But- self respect is key here. Don't phone him more than once. DOn't seek him out at work. Wait- be patient. Sex can make men vulnerable too, remember that. DON'T go after him though. You musn't. This is one time you can let go- but don't let this set a precedence for you courtship.... he needs to learn that blowing you off isn't ok- that you respect yourself too much to put up with that. That is why you can't call him again. You have left your message- you WILL see him again because you work together. You don't want to come off as too eager here...again- that is key. Hope it works out. Dee
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 OMG you sound just like me. Don't panic, don't jump to conclusions. That email or voicemail you want to leave him? DON'T DO IT! Think of how you would feel if you had a legit reason and he got all worried and started leaving you clingy needy messages? Post your email here instead first!!! Be patient. Dam if I could only take my own advice sometimes!
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I would like to add.. Don't sleep with him.. Given his disregard for you this early all you are going to do is give it up and wonder why he never called you again.. Let the relationship develop first before having sex with him..
2sunny Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 I would like to add.. Don't sleep with him.. Given his disregard for you this early all you are going to do is give it up and wonder why he never called you again.. Let the relationship develop first before having sex with him.. this is exactly what i was thinking! even if you think it is for your pleasure (which i'm sure it is) - you are putting yourself in a emotionally vulnerable position at this point.. back waaaaay off and see if he comes running.... ps - i also don't see him making that much of an effort to DATE you... what's up with him just inviting you over to his apartment? seems like a booty call to me... you need clarification if that's all you are...
Author jcster Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 Thanks so much for all of your input - I really appreciate it! As it turns out, he threw his back out pretty badly - he's back at work with a brace today. While that doesn't entirely let him off the hook - it does mitigate it a bit in my book. I've filed this away for further reference, and hopefully it won't be an issue again. As for the booty call aspect of it all - we did go to dinner before we jumped each other. I've known him for 4 months, and we've both made an effort to get to know each other first - of course, he was ready to go at week 2 - but I made him wait! Thanks again, jen
soulseeker Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Hey JC. While it doesnt look like you need any more advice at this point, and I am disinclined to give any anyway, I just wanted to say I am glad that it seems to be panning out for the better
Aloros Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 Yeah, I'd say throwing your back out is a legitimate excuse. That stuff HURTS! Here's hoping things go smoothly from now on!
tanbark813 Posted April 26, 2007 Posted April 26, 2007 he threw his back out pretty badly - he's back at work with a brace today Damn, woman, how hard did you f**k him? <---about to have back thrown out
Author jcster Posted April 26, 2007 Author Posted April 26, 2007 "Damn, woman, how hard did you f**k him?" Just the usual...but it would have killed a lesser mortal.
Star Gazer Posted April 27, 2007 Posted April 27, 2007 Hey Jen - Glad you didn't blow this guy off too quickly. Many will rush to judgment... I still think he should have called you, regardless of the back thing, so take it slow.
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