foolweasel Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 i posted on here in Second Chances just over a year ago. after my girlfriend left me to play the field for a bit.. she decided to come back. we got back together.. but i was always a bit.. um.. reserved about how i felt at that point. i was definitely on the defensive. well.. i had noticed that the relationship wasn't going so well about 4 months ago.. and i tried to break it off. i lost my nerve in the middle of it.. which is lame of me. so we kept going until finally she said "do you really want to do this anymore?" i said "look.. you know i'm fearful of being alone.. so i'm always going to want to do this.. but i understand that things aren't going well. if you think it's for the best.. then we'll call it quits." things were good at first. there were a couple of instances where i had to go pick up stuff from her house.. but we were civil to each other. i felt pretty good about it cause i knew just a few weeks before this that i had been complaining to friends that she was driving me nuts and that we weren't the right people for each other. well after two weeks of NC.. she texts me to tell me i have mail. i go pick it up.. try to be civil.. and just want to make sure she's ok. she basically told me she "hated that we wasted all that time kicking a dead horse." ouch. well.. it screwed me up for a couple of days.. and i broke NC to send a raging nasty email about how she made me feel like crap even when i was trying my hardest to make things work. i said a LOT of nasty things that i would probably never have said if she hadn't said what she said to me. anyhow.. the next day i felt some regret.. so i emailed her apologizing and told her that was the last she'd hear from me.. because i don't want to ruin the potential for a friendship once we've gotten over things. now i'm just under a month out from the actual breakup, and on 14 days of NC since the last email i sent. i wouldn't say i'm having second thoughts about the situation. i KNOW this is for the best. i'm enjoying the freedom that i didn't have before.. and i've even had a couple of nice instances where i've met girls while i was out and about, had some good conversations and gotten some phone numbers. i'm wary of pursuing anything just yet (except there's one girl i've had a crush on for awhile.. even before my last relationship ended.. but i'm taking my time with that) because i'm scared of the rebound. i'm trying my best to stay busy.. but there's always that downtime while i'm trying to go to sleep where some thoughts and memories come creeping in. beyond that.. the hardest part is (like what happened this morning) i have "reconciliation" dreams. those pretty much ruin my mood for the first 3 or 4 hours of the day. so i'm not really looking for advice. i know NC and time is all this will take. just felt like getting this out.
Recommended Posts