swissbik Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 [COLOR=#0000ff]i was in a beautiful and meaningful relationship with a woman for last 3 years. Eeva [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]is 46 years, divorced for 8 years and lives with two kids, girl 17, and boy 16.The kids associate to me as a friend figure and give their affection to me as adults. she is the woman I love for what she is and what she brings to our relationship. [/sIZE][/FONT]Despite our significant age difference (18 years) we communicated very well, understanding each other and never having a resistance in our relationship. In fact distance on work accounts seperated us many times was but on soul and emotions we were always together. We shared not only our lives with each other but also took and gave our happiness to both our families. To her kids and her parents and my siblings and parents...sharing festival celebrations, summer holidays, all together. All saw me and her happy and were happy to see that we were happy.[/COLOR] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]We were friends, lovers and companions. The time in travel, jogging together, cooking food...all over was natural and most beautiful time we have spent. It not only showed us our strong sides but help us face the future hardships and fears. allowing us to talk to each other always. We said we will always decide jointly about our relationship as the big factor taking our toll was the age difference. future, 10 years from now tensed us both. my expectations of a possible desire to have a family and her desire to have just us. free of kids. and her fear that I will fall for a younger woman.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]During our time together I never probed her past. As I reason that it is immaterial to what she brings to me in present. By examining the grey and whites of past I would only creates a bias and bring devil of past to life overtaking the joy of present. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]She has sacrificed her life for her kids and family and husband being the bread earner. Her husband walked away from the relationship for a younger woman. This was hard for her and she faced it very bravely. Later she met a man called Dildar who gave her a feeling which she describes to me was like a bubble. he was hard and pushing with her and for 5 years they were together. He never wanted to know the kids or her parents as their relationship was founded with a base of physical connect and emotions constructed to justify it on the top . He got married to someone in his community Islam as that is what he wanted to do. A simple home girl to bear him kids. Yet he continued to see eeva in hotel rooms/ his office for physical pleasure. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]After some time Eeva decided to call it off as she realized Dildar is not giving himself fully. For 3 years she did not see him. He kept wanting to communicate with her and eeva was on her own. building her career and kids. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]Then 3 years ago we met and our relationship prospered. We lived together and have had a healthy relationship. No anger ever... Present was us and we took it totally. In time our emotions grew strong and not words but thoughts bounded us. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]one month ago eeva told me she was seeing Dildar for a dinner. I was upset as she decided on self and told me it was for her own self to know if she could face him. She told me that I was the man in her life and that was the only fact. I didn't like her seeing Dildar and told her on face, that we should split before she goes ahead with her meeting. she started to cry and offered to not see him. I thought to myself if love is love then desires come and go. and assumng no more, said ok.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]That was one month ago. We continued together planning lives, holidays. Never ever she disclosed any fear or doubt during this time. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]Then y[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]esterday... Eeva called me on phone and said she met her ex boy friend Dildar a few more times. He is married with a wife and a child but is unhappy. They live in separate rooms. He wants to get back together with eeva and has promised Eeva that he will be divorcing his wife. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]Then Eeva said to me that she decided yesterday to go with him. She told me on face that I am the most beautiful man she has come to know , that she still loves me but yet she has decided to go back to Dildar... In her words I connected with her soul, her emotions but with Dildar she connects more on physical attraction. and that is what she has decided to do... she says she is uncertain about future with him. yet that is what she want to do. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]and all this she decided in 15 days.....[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]My feeling and thoughts right now..[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]I am still shocked and find it unbelievable. Parting our ways is not the major source of pain. I am disappointed as Eeva love has suddenly evaporated, falling short to her sudden physical need. not that we had a no physical connect. We had and I always told her that look I love you from the heart and not from my head or my penis. The heart has no age..while love of head is clouded by worries... [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]I admit I do suffer for self but I know I did everything I could and should have done. I loved her with all might, purity and passion....[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]I am sorry for her as somehow I feel she is taking refuge in a past bubble that runs a big risk for future. I love her... I deeply care for her and I fear her getting hurt. While this guy Dildar will just use her for sex, I fear Eeva will unintentionally become the tool that will break a home. And without fail she will ruin an innocent woman ( Dildar's wife) and do what some woman did to her 8 years ago...[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]I also worry for eeva;s kids. Both are very mature and responsible but I see the impact of a separated home on their young minds.. All time I have spent with them, I have tried to bring true joy and share love with them. Seeing me and eeva together both kids were always very happy that their mamma was happy and living life. After this, I fear they will not understand their mother well and project this event as a dejection of failed marriages seen in their parents lives. I like them much for their innocence and idealism and I really want to instil a sense of love and hope in them for relationships... and I don't know what I can do... [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff]i packed my bags, siad goodbye to kids today and they were sobbing. telling me they love me. Eeva'smother also called and siad she was upset with her daughters decisionas it was so sudden. plus she liked me much and never liked the other guy Dildar. yet she is a mother and asked me to move on.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff]i didnt ask for anymore explanation on face to my ex. just thanked her for time together and left. she said to me to be myself and if i need to write or talk to her, i can. she siad herself she wont. i immediately told her, that i will not. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff]i have a strong gut feel, she has made a choiceout of a fear of unknown in future. also, this guy she hopes to trust will hurt her and she will suffer more. i cant stop her as she is an adult. yet my trust is broken and i lost my respect and esteem for her. by doing this she crossed the very line of our relationship. i am angry with her and feel she has acted like a 16 yr old girl and not a mature woman.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff]i also feel i shall continue my friendship with her mother and kids. what do you have to suggest.[/COLOR][/FONT]
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 If you think you can handle a separate relationship with her mother and her children, that's up to you. I wouldn't recommend it though because I think it will slow down your healing process and when you do finally break away, it will hurt the children one more time. It might be better to have a clean break so you can get your bearings. She hasn't done you any favours by going back to her ex. You owe her nothing.
Island Girl Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Why does it look like you cut and pasted all of the sections of text on this entire thread?
Author swissbik Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Hi. the mail is a cut and paste as in order to get my anger and frustration down i wrote a mail to myself, explaining the situation and what i was going through. when on internet search i discivered this loveshak forum, i pasted it to get advice.
KaneNAbel Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 I was in a similar situation. Very similar. And weirdly enough, this is the comment that Island Girl had for me: The other guy is the "I'm not good enough for him" guy. If he shows a lot of interest, than she would sway very easily. It's just sad that the woman in your situation is almost 20 years older than mine and she still has that mentality. Well, to give you a brief summary, my girl told me that I was "perfect" and the only thing wrong with me was her. All the while, the ex who cheated on her twice was "making changes in his life that helped his cause". So naturally, even though she claims to be a strong woman, she wanted to break things off with me because she could no longer 'deal' with her confusion. We talked about the ex when I was already emotionally invested, which I resent because she wasn't honest about it before I got to that point, but she said that she stayed with that guy so long because she was justifying that they could have a good time despite him cheating and that she was "punishing" him in their relationship. Fact of the matter was, despite how strong she thought she was, the guy was in total control of the situation. I've been reading up on this and at least the girl had the decency to be selfless (somewhat) and ended things with me before I really resented her after three months. Looking back, even after a month, I see that she did me a favor in a way and that if she waited a lot longer, it would've killed me. You and I are the same, we connect with the girls on a deep emotional level and we're willing to give our all. The women in our case weren't. In their eyes, we were the constant and the other guy was the variable. They knew what they were getting with us but it excited them about the possibilities of what may come of the other situation. I think by human nature we like the excitement of the gamble. But your woman doesn't seem emotionally mature because she's still cavalier in her ways. My mistake was letting the girl set the pace of our relationship because at the time she needed that emotional support. And if you didn't give it to her, she might've left you earlier and three years later, it would've some other poor guy that is in your situation. Trust me, after I found out about the ex, I was already hooked but she said that she didn't want me to leave the situation either. (similar to your woman crying saying that you were the man in her life) It sucks I know and I am empathetic that you had years of your life invested. I consider myself lucky that it was such a short period for me.
Author swissbik Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 Kane, thanks for your insight. I see your reason and cant agree more. Correct, my woman was in control of our relationship and left it, when she had confidence regained and the ex stepped up his game. She is foolish and wanting to be pushed and in belief of what ex promises. I have to take this as a blessing og what later could have happened. Hard as I an NC with her right now, but inside heart i would answer her call and thinking of NC more as making her realize what she doesnt have any more..
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