BabyG Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 Two months ago I got this friendly e-mail from a much younger girl at work - totally unexpected and out of the blue! It was all jokey jokey and me being me I responded automatically joking back. Next thing I knew, I was being bombarded with e-mails - again all of which were just innocent friendly jokingly conversation. Anyway, after a couple of weeks of e-mails and working together we started to play pranks on each other - like friends do. It was around this time when she started to question our friendship and declared that that was all it would be - just friends. I was happy with that - I mean... what on earth would a young woman want with a bloke who's 12 years older than her and married!!!? Anyway, time passed and we carried on joking away until I got a very strong and suggestive message from her - which I'll admit blew me away!!! It's at this point I'll provide a little background to the both of us - by now you know I'm married and she has a boyfriend. She never spoke of her boyfriend (and has never actually told me she has one - I found out through her friend at work and saw a picture of him with her on her desktop screen) and to be honest I never really talked about my wife other than saying related things like, "I'm going to the in-laws for tea tonight" etc - so again I never really told her outright that I was married which I should've done. We both work in an open plan office - so you can kind of gather that any new relationship (of any kind) forming in the office is spotted automatically - which was the case! Rumours were spreading like wild fire in the office!! Back to the message - it was sexual in content but at the same time I found it to be totally contradictive to what we had already established. Silly me went and tested the water to see if this was just joking or for real... and... it was for real. I suggested that we spoke in person about the matter rather than e-mail. So we went out for a walk one lunchtime. We discussed the matter and within seconds of the discussion she launched herself at me to which I reciprocated. At the time I was on cloud 99!!! And yes it was all wrong!!! She even declared that she wanted to be with me and I was starting to feel the same way too. Time passed by and still the conversations and time spent at work together were great fun! Then one day, she claimed that she didn't know I was married (after I told her). My automatic response was to say sorry to her in person - which I did - I felt so bad (sadly it's not the first time I've been swept off my feet by another woman - that was before I was married to my wife and we actually split up around that time). However, I looked back over the past couple of months and found so many examples and instances it was just impossible for someone not to know that I was married. I even confided in a good friend of mine for a second opinion who strongly believed that she knew regardless of what she said/claimed! Problem was she even said that she's not mad with me after she 'found out'!! Which was a sigh of relief! And said that I should stay with my family - which was highly commendable of her indeed! We still have a laugh together and I hope we continue to be friends! Strangely, I still get mixed messages from her which are very provoking... I'm a sucker for women and one day I'll probably become a cropper for it! However, I'm left with a slightly bitter sweet taste - did she really know I was married and why didn't she tell me that she has a boyfriend (she still hasn't admitted that to me yet) - what were her intentions with me??? I do think about her a lot - she's made a huge impact on me over the past couple of months - I know I'm in the wrong because I'm married but right now my head's a mess!!!
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2007 Posted April 24, 2007 It doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not - YOU ARE MARRIED and YOU know better!! Come-on, man! What would your wife think of this little flirtation going on between you and this young woman? You're putting yourself IN a situation that could very well lead to something else. Her intentions don't matter because YOU are the one who shouldn't be entertaining thoughts of her, or wondering why she didn't tell you she had a boyfriend. Reconnect with your wife. Not too sure how your marriage is, but you need focus that energy into your wife and forget the girl at work. If you don't, you'll find yourself in a bigger mess than you're in already. Seems you like the attention and yeah, it's nice to be checked out by other women, enjoy it for what it is, an ego feed, but don't let it rule you and ruin your marriage! Flip side - How would YOU feel if your wife was sending sexually charged emails to a younger guy? Flirting with him, playing pranks and having some fun, and thinking of him too much? Wouldn't that just piss you off and hurt you at the same time?? Do you have children? If so, think of them too. Good luck and I hope you back off this girl because she's dangerous for your marriage, let alone your reputation at work.
Author BabyG Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 right... first things first... I really couldn't give a two-bit toss about my reputation at work! I mean, it's not like I have to impress anyone anymore at work - including my boss/management - because it aint worth it!! I learned from my mistakes of putting too much effort into my work ethic along time ago because I was never appreciated/recognised for what I did. Therefore, I simply go to work - finish work - switch off and go home. We all make mistakes! And this just happens to be one of mine! I'm just glad it didn't go all the way!! I firmly believe that I married the wrong person - and quite frankly if I was to do it again - I wouldn't! I used to enjoy taking risks and being free to do what I want. Yes, yes, I can hear you all saying how selfish that is, but I just don't like being in a comfort zone - one that has especially had an impact on my health and myself as a person. We no longer talk to each other anymore at any length. We constantly argue and get on each others nerves. We disagree on so much it's untrue. I no longer do the things that I used to enjoy doing - because she doesn't like me doing them!! Since we first split up and got back together she has shown violent tendancies towards me to the point that every time she approaches to kiss me - I flinch!! I just want out - but can't face the heartache of me doing the splitting again!! Oh and flipside is - if my wife's having an affair - great - it will just make the splitting up easier for me anyway! Many thoughts have gone through my head durng this time - even to the point of dropping everything and starting a new life elsewhere on my own! Which right now still seems like a good idea!! I have made many mistakes in my life and disappointed only those closest to me! Then again, it was my birthday recently and not one of my friends remembered it! Cheers!
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 but can't face the heartache of me doing the splitting again!! That's an excuse. You aren't inlove with your wife, you've even said you married the wrong person. If you have ANY respect at all for your wife, divorce her. Just do it and let her move on so SHE can find a man who does love her! She deserves to be happy, just like you do. Staying in a loveless, sexless marriage is gonna KILL you both. Be a real man, step up to the plate and put yourselves out of misery. Divorce her.
jmargel Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 Dude this chick was out for a challenge. That's all you were to her. She knew you were married. If you think you were special in this chick's eyes, then I have a bridge to sell ya. Good chance she has done this to alot of men. Seems like you & this young chick are both very immature. If you don't want to be w/ your wife, tell her. Be a man about it and quit treating her like a dog.
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